Mindful Pause Podcast

EP 91 Stop sabotaging yourself

It's hard to change, especially when that habit or belief system has been ingrained in you for years, decades, or a lifetime.

Today’s mantra Monday and intention for this week is to bring awareness to your habits to stop self-sabotage.

Only you know how you’re sabotaging yourself. It could be second guessing yourself, questioning your actions or skills, not believing in your abilities, comparing yourself to others, doing things you know you shouldn’t do, or doing things you know you should do.

Self-sabotage is knowing what you want and how to get there, but doing the opposite, undermining the thing you desire.

Personally, for example:

I know that Yoga is good for me, but I don't do it. During quarantine I've done yoga three times in three months, which is crazy, because I always complain how I don’t have enough time to get to the teachers I love. And now, all the teachers around the world who I love are accessible online.

I also know that eating healthy will get me to how I want to feel in my body - healthier, fitter, stronger, more confident, but more often than not fat kid Freddy takes over and sabotages my eating habits.

The biggest self-sabotage that I’m currently experiencing is in my business. I want to create a business and brand that is successful and meaningful, and I know that consistency of content is key to building that. But I sabotage this dream by finding other things to do instead of what I need to do, and I’m also very critical of myself, which causes doubt, fog and inertia. Perfectionism stops me from creating. And then, I feel like a failure for not creating. It’s a bad cycle.

I'm not sure why we sabotage the very thing or feeling we desire.

A few things I'm learning as a parent is that a child will subconsciously reenact their bad behavior as a cry for help to heal old wounds and patterns that are out of their control. For example, a toddler may hit because she doesn’t have the emotional intelligence or maturity to stop herself or express her big emotions of fear, overwhelm or stimulation in a healthy way. Or maybe she’s had a negative experience with a caregiver, so she will recreate that bad behavior reenacting it with that person as a call for help to heal her emotion and that pattern, asking that person to step in and stop her, because she can’t stop herself. Once it’s done in a healthy and loving way, usually that negative pattern is broken.

Similarly our emotional brain is used to patterns so we reenact negative behaviors because they are comfortable as a subconscious cry for help.

Sometimes the known is easier and more comfortable than the unknown, even if that known is not what we want. So we easily revert back to ways that are easy and comfortable and sabotage what we desire. That path is well worn.

Unlike a child who doesn’t have the emotionally developed brain that can rationalize and make sense of her big emotions and behaviors, our brain can make sense of our actions and emotions, and through awareness, we can begin to understand ourselves deeply and consciously choose again.

Take a moment and think about one way you've been sabotaging yourself, your dreams, and how you want to feel. It could be anything - big or small.

Of course it’s easy for me to tell you, “hey, just stop being that way,” but for our emotional brain, it’s very hard to break our habits that are comfortable, even if we don't like these habits.

Change starts with awareness.

Commit this week to being more mindful of when your subconscious brain takes over and hijacks the very thing you desire.

In that moment, notice it, then label it and choose again. You have the power of choice.

Release any fears and habits that block you from receiving the love and support you desire.

I’m gonna do this with you, because I want to feel productive and in flow, but I sabotage my productivity by getting distracted, feeling uninspired, losing focus and being highly critical of myself. So, this week, I will notice when I feel overwhelmed, put pressure on myself to be perfect, and compare myself to others. Instead of doing what I normally do, which is going into the fridge to numb my emotions and distract me from the present moment, I will pause, notice, and label how I’m feeling and what I’m doing and choose again.

By bringing awareness to how I’m feeling, I can take care and honor myself. I may choose to take a break, nap, journal, move my body, or shift my mindset to be more compassionate so I can create without criticism.

You have the power of choice.

1. Notice when you start to sabotage
2. Label your emotions or actions to bring it into consciousness.
3. Then choose again.

Be present in that moment, CHOOSE, then let go and move on to the next moment.

It’s not e...

How to deal with your racist family and friends

I was asked by a good friend to do a podcast episode on the topic of how not to get triggered by our racist friends and family. We can all agree that we are a very divided country – we’ve been for a long time. And it doesn’t help that many people cling so tightly to their beliefs, don’t take responsibility and blame others which create a bigger chasm between us.

You may think of me as a calm yoga teacher, but I’m a very sensitive and emotional person. I cry a lot and can fly off the handle easily, especially when I deal with people I deem ignorant or mean.

I think that’s why discussing politics, religion, race, sex or anything that is highly emotionally charged can be so confrontational, causing feuds at family gatherings.

Right now, we are going through some major historical events:

this global pandemic: those who are worried about health and those who are worried about businesses,

racial protests and riots – those who support black lives and those who support macy’s.

the fight for the rights of LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer) people -- some may totally be on board with equality and others not so much.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but how do we NOT get triggered by those opinions that differ from ours?

I hate to break it to you, but you’ll never get rid of triggers, nor will you be able to stop the other person from triggering you.

Today on the podcast I’ll share with you 5 ways that help me deal with people who trigger the F out of me and see their different beliefs as portals to my own growth.

1. Triggers are teachers.

In episode 80 I talk all about triggers. Triggers are all around us. We can’t avoid being activated by someone or something.

You know you’ve aligned with your ego when you feel inferior or superior to someone else. You’re stuck in comparison or judgement.

Rather than pointing the finger and being upset with that person, what are you learning about yourself and about them?

Our relationships are direct portals to our wounds,

and

awareness of our triggers can be portals to our growth.

If we can view our triggers as our greatest teachers, we can then heal our inner world to affect our outer world.

Ironically, we are most often highly triggered by those we care about or are closest to.

The challenging work is to watch and witness your thoughts. Most of our thoughts are recycled from our conditioned thinking.

We are triggered when the reality is not how we think it should be.

When I feel resentment, offended, hurt, or any kind of hot emotion, it’s an opportunity to turn inward, not lash outward.

Sit with the sensation so that the boiling emotion comes to a simmer.

Trying to avoid the sensation just creates more suffering.

In fact, reality has no emotional charge. The present moment is what it is.

An event.

A feeling.

Some words.

An action.

It’s us humans that create the emotional charge behind reality. Something about that thing activates something within.

Taking responsibility for how you show up and changing your beliefs by watching your thought patterns lead to freedom.

Anything that causes you to be in an emotional state is your spiritual teacher.

Invite them in.

1. Detach from the outcome:

How do you detach from the outcome when you’re triggered, hurt and outraged at a friend’s beliefs and actions? It’s hard.

This is the work, my friend.

Detaching doesn’t mean you avoid the conversation or become numb or check out.

One of my favorite quotes is “When you’re upset, don’t eat.” Wait. No. That’s for another episode.

My favorite quote by Bryron Katie that I live by, especially when I’m triggered is, "There's your business, Other people's business and God's Business"

Most of the time I’m in someone else’s business that’s out of my control.

We spend too much energy replaying someone else’s actions and trying to influence someone else’s life, when in reality it’s their life and their choice of how they want to show up. We have no control over them.

Detach from the idea of converting anyone. You will never change anyone by forcing your own opinion and criticisms on them.

These battles about race, politics, humanity, and equality or any other disagreement are like a game of tug-of-war, where our Egos hold so tightly to what we believe to be true.

The more you pull and think you’re right, the harder the other person pulls to prove their right.

But...If you let go, you win.

The Ego wants to be right. Our heart wants to be understood.

1. Intentionally listening

Hey soul friend,

How often do we let our inner critic spin us into old dramas? 🙋🏻‍♀️

We get triggered by something or someone, and suddenly we're knee-deep in an old drama, replaying the same story over and over again.

During my recent trip to Florida, a friend shared a powerful insight: the inner work is about being with our experiences without being consumed by them.

This is the essence of mindfulness. The more we can hold space for our experiences without letting them take over, the more freedom we find.

In today's meditation on the MINDFUL PAUSE PODCAST EP 185, I guide you through an exercise to be with something that's triggering—whether it's anger, sadness, or even joy—without letting it consume you.

When we can BE with the emotion without becoming emotional, we can be with anger without becoming angry, with sadness without sinking into despair, and with joy without clinging to it.

Here are some takeaways from episode 184:

✨ Emotions typically only last about 90 seconds. It's the stories we tell ourselves that revive the narrative and make them linger.

✨ Step back as the witness. Create space between you and the emotion. You'll find the charge starts to fade.

✨ Choose presence over the drama. Take a moment to quiet the mind and return to this moment.

Remember, when you’re in consciousness, you are in choice.

You have the power to decide whether you'll get swept away by the story or stand firm in the present moment.

So, as you go about your day, whenever you feel yourself getting lost in the drama, remember: you can be with the experience without becoming it.

Take a moment to quiet the mind, create space, and return to this moment. Because right here, right now, is exactly where you're meant to be.

Join me on the Mindful Pause Podcast for an easy meditation to reclaim your peace. 💫

Sending you lots of inner peace and presence today.

Namaste,

Audrey

p.s. looking for more personalized coaching? let’s connect and I’ll help you heal, know and love yourself using my self-love techniques and intuitive guidance.

[email protected]

Last week I had the opportunity to be a guest speaker at a weekend long writers retreat, and you know what I learned?

We are not alone in our fears and we have the same universal desires to feel seen, connected, signifiant.

What’s the ONE thing that gets in the way?

Our Itty-Bitty-shitty-Committee!

I’m writing about it in my book. I speak and teach alot about quieting it? WHY?

Because if we listen to it, it will sabotage our dreams, demolish our self worth and just keep us stuck in scarcity and fear.

In this week’s MINDFUL PAUSE PODCAST episode, I lead you through a quick version of last week’s hour long meditation to help you cut the cord to your limiting beliefs, negative narrative and anything else that may be keeping you stuck, so you can truly connect to your True Self - that place of love, creativity, joy and truth.

Sending you lots of love friend!

Xx

Audrey

P.s. join me next Saturday in person for my SELF LOVE WORKSHOP 4-6pm. It’s allll about this ☝🏼SIGN UP HERE

And if you want to dive deeper into really knowing and loving yourself, join me in beautiful BALI this April to receive more clarity, magic and connection to your intuition and gifts. DETAILS FOR BALI HERE

A few weeks ago, we took a drive up to Mount Rainier with the kids and on our way up, Hunter, my 5-year old exclaimed, “WOW look at the snow sparkling!”

The bright white walls of snow piled on the side of the highway indeed were glistening in the sunshine like tiny crystals sparkling.

I wouldn’t have noticed it, but children are so present they notice every detail of Life.

What if we could sprinkle a little bit of that childlike wonder and presence throughout our day?

So often we miss the little moments of sparkle because we’re lost in our mind.

When we recycle past stories, rehash limiting beliefs, or spin worries of the future, we create our own suffering and remain stuck in the struggle.

When we’re present, we can notice the sparkle, the magic and joy around us.

Today take moments to pause and notice the sparkle...

Remind yourself of:

· what’s good in your life

· What have you overcome

· Who are you becoming

· What you’re grateful for today and what’s to come

And BONUS... think of 3 people who have added some sparkle to your life when you needed it this year and give them some sparkle by sharing with them how they’ve helped lift you up or brightened your day.

Also, I love hearing from you, so please share with me your sparkle and what you’re grateful for.

Hope you are having a very merry Christmas and happy holidays

Xx

Audrey

Want to dive in deeper?

Download your free ENVISION+RECEIVE workbook and meditation HERE to create a mini-retreat to gain clarity of what you want and how you want to feel this year.

And join me!!! 👇🏼

💫 virtually on 1/7/24 for SATYA SOUL SPEAK workshop where we’ll move + envision + receive all that you are.

🌴beautiful BALI RETREAT in April for ultimate healing, magic + transformation (price increases $250 at end of month)

❤️SACRED SELF LOVE workshop 1/27/24 @ 4-6pm (Maple Valley in person)