ADHD & RELATIONSHIPS: Learning to love through sensitivity, forgetfulness, and miscommunication

02/19/25 • 29 min

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Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—especially when ADHD is in the mix—is where the real work begins. In this episode, Rox opens up about her relationship history: falling fast, struggling with communication, and repeating patterns she didn’t understand until her ADHD diagnosis. She shares why celibacy, sobriety, and therapy helped her break free from the cycle of intense romance and heartbreak—and how meeting Rich changed everything.
Rich dives into the three biggest challenges of loving someone with ADHD:

Communication: How direct vs. emotional communication styles lead to frustration—and why “out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t mean “out of love.”
Forgetfulness: The impact of forgotten promises and messy environments—and why tone matters when asking for help.
Emotional Intensity: Navigating Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), why ADHD is rooted in sensitivity, and the challenge of feeling “too much.”

But it’s not all hard work—there’s beauty in ADHD, too. Rox and Rich explore the superpowers of empathy, creativity, and humor that have strengthened their bond. Through honesty, kindness, and a whole lot of trial and error, they've learned that curiosity—not judgment—is the key to making love last.
If you've ever felt like your emotions are too big, your forgetfulness is too frustrating, or your relationships are too chaotic—this episode is for you.

Communication: How direct vs. emotional communication styles lead to frustration—and why “out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t mean “out of love.”
Forgetfulness: The impact of forgotten promises and messy environments—and why tone matters when asking for help.
Emotional Intensity: Navigating Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), why ADHD is rooted in sensitivity, and the challenge of feeling “too much.”

Previous Episode

SEXPECTATIONS: The pressure, the shame, and the reality of sex in long-term relationships

Sex is everywhere—movies, TV, social media—but it’s always the honeymoon version. No one talks about what happens when the obsession fades, when life gets in the way, or when desire feels more like a pressure than a passion. In this episode, Rox and Rich dive into the unspoken struggles of long-term intimacy, from the countdown clock of “how long it’s been” to the shame of lower desire and the weight of unrealistic expectations.
They unpack the pressure society puts on both men and women—why Rox feels hyper-aware of when they last had sex, and why Rich worried he wasn’t "good enough." They get real about sober sex, the anxiety that comes with it, and how neurodivergence (like PDA struggles and black-and-white thinking) can make intimacy even more complex.
How often should couples be having sex? Is there a magic number? And most importantly, how do you build intimacy without making it feel like a chore? Spoiler: it’s all about communication, trust, and ditching the expectations.
This one’s raw, real, and maybe a little too honest. But no one’s alone in this—so let’s talk about it.

Next Episode

THE SHAME SPIRAL: How to stop feeling like a failure and embrace who you are

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Why do so many people with ADHD struggle with shame? In this episode, Rox and Rich break down the cycle of self-criticism, exploring how productivity culture, masking, and forgetfulness fuel feelings of failure. Rox opens up about her own experiences with shame—from harsh self-talk and fear of judgment to the pressure to appear "put together"—and how it impacted her relationships, creativity, and mental health.
Rich shares his perspective on supporting a partner with ADHD, highlighting the importance of compassion, communication, and breaking free from unrealistic expectations. Together, they unpack the difference between shame and guilt, why self-acceptance is essential, and how reframing your inner dialogue can transform your self-esteem.
You’ll also hear practical tools for overcoming shame, including:

Rewriting negative narratives about yourself
Letting go of perfectionism and over-apologizing
Doubling down on your strengths instead of fixating on your struggles
Surrounding yourself with people who see and accept the real you

If you've ever felt like you're "not good enough" or that your ADHD makes you a failure, this episode is a reminder: You are not broken. And it's time to start believing that.