Good Girl Deprogramming - 8. Understanding Coercive Control with Michelle Minnikin

8. Understanding Coercive Control with Michelle Minnikin

Explicit content warning

10/27/24 • 21 min

Good Girl Deprogramming

Episode 8: Understanding Coercive Control Episode Summary: In this solo episode, Michelle Minnikin delves into one of the foundational topics of her work - coercive control. She explains how coercive control, often seen in abusive relationships and high-control environments, plays a critical role in how society conditions women to behave. Drawing from sociologist Albert Biderman’s Chart of Coercion, Michelle highlights the psychological manipulation tactics used to control women’s identities, behaviour, and self-worth through isolation, guilt, shame, and fear. Key Themes:

Recap of Past Episodes: Michelle revisits previous episodes where she spoke to various guests about topics like gender roles, the impacts of misogyny, ADHD, healthy masculinity, and good girl conditioning.
What is Coercive Control? Michelle defines coercive control as a form of manipulation that subtly but powerfully shapes a person’s behaviour. She connects the tactics of coercive control, typically seen in abusive contexts, to the societal pressures and expectations imposed on women.
Albert Biderman’s Chart of Coercion: Michelle introduces Biderman’s framework, explaining its origins in breaking down prisoners of war and how similar strategies are applied to control women in everyday life.
The Hidden Tactics of Control: Michelle covers the following methods of coercion:

Isolation – Women are often socially isolated through competition or exclusion.
Exhaustion – Unrealistic expectations in professional and personal spheres lead to burnout, weakening resistance.
Threats – Fear of social exclusion or professional consequences keeps women compliant.

Reflection Exercises: Michelle invites listeners to reflect on their experiences of isolation and manipulation in their lives and to notice when they self-censor or silence themselves. Practical Tips: Michelle shares actionable steps to begin dismantling coercive control: 1. Identify the Patterns – Pay attention to moments when you feel controlled or silenced. 2. Challenge Your Inner Critic – Reframe self-critical thoughts with compassion. 3. Set Boundaries – Learn to recognise feelings of resentment as a sign that your boundaries are being crossed. Resources Mentioned:

Biderman's Adapted Chart of Coercion - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tms-sNY_7rPY1m19TCtiCWiuVwnZicyqYF8VVzMaM2k/edit?usp=sharing
Good Girl Deprogramming Book – A deep dive into coercive control tactics, with exercises to help break free.
Good Girl Quiz – Available on Michelle’s website, the quiz helps identify areas where good girl conditioning may be affecting you.
Upcoming Episodes – Future solo episodes will explore each chapter of Michelle’s book, starting with “Establishing Trust” in the next episode.

Follow Michelle on social media:

Website - https://www.michelleminnikin.com/

Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/mminnikin/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/goodgirldeprogramming

TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@michelleminnikin

If you enjoyed today’s episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with friends!

Recap of Past Episodes: Michelle revisits previous episodes where she spoke to various guests about topics like gender roles, the impacts of misogyny, ADHD, healthy masculinity, and good girl conditioning.
What is Coercive Control? Michelle defines coercive control as a form of manipulation that subtly but powerfully shapes a person’s behaviour. She connects the tactics of coercive control, typically seen in abusive contexts, to the societal pressures and expectations imposed on women.
Albert Biderman’s Chart of Coercion: Michelle introduces Biderman’s framework, explaining its origins in breaking down prisoners of war and how similar strategies are applied to control women in everyday life.
The Hidden Tactics of Control: Michelle covers the following methods of coercion:

Isolation – Women are often socially isolated through competition or exclusion.
Exhaustion – Unrealistic expectations in professional and personal spheres lead to burnout, weakening resistance.
Threats – Fear of social exclusion or professional consequences keeps women compliant.

Biderman's Adapted Chart of Coercion - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tms-sNY_7rPY1m19TCtiCWiuVwnZicyqYF8VVzMaM2k/edit?usp=sharing
Good Girl Deprogramming Book – A deep dive into coercive control tactics, with exercises to help break free.
Good Girl Quiz – Available on Michelle’s website, the quiz helps identify areas where good girl conditioning may be affecting you.
Upcoming Episodes – Future solo episodes will explore each chapter of Michelle’s book, starting with “Establishing Trust” in the next episode.

Follow Michelle on social media:

Website - https://www.michelleminnikin.com/

Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/mminnikin/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/goodgirldeprogramming

TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@michelleminnikin

If you enjoyed today’s episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with friends!

Previous Episode

7. The Power of Being You with Vicky Campbell

Episode 7 - Vicky Campbell - The Power of Being You

In this episode of the Good Girl Deprogramming Podcast, Michelle is joined by Vicky Campbell, a coach and HR expert, to discuss the complexities of being a “good girl” at work and the toll it takes on our authentic selves. They dive deep into the emotional exhaustion that comes from masking, people-pleasing, and constantly trying to fit into rigid workplace expectations.

A passionate, driven and honest Change Maker. Having worked across most HR Specialisms in the fast go, go, go Financial Services industry for 20 years I know a thing or two about Change!

I love people; I specifically love developing people. Listening to their needs and being creative in transforming their career journey. A pink haired free spirit, with a desire to break down barriers.

What we talk about:

1:16 - Vicky Campbell Introduction

Michelle introduces Vicky and dives straight into discussing the pressures of being a good girl at work.

1:30 - The Good Girl Mask

Vicky shares her experience of being a “good girl” at work, how it serves as a form of self-preservation, but drains energy and leads to emotional burnout.

3:57 - Authenticity in the Workplace

Michelle and Vicky discuss how showing up as your true self at work can be empowering, but often comes with the pushback of being asked to “tone it down” and fit into the mould.

4:19 - Anger in the Workplace

Michelle points out that anger is often the one emotion women are discouraged from expressing at work, even though it’s a natural and important emotion.

8:25 - Neurodiversity and Masking

Vicky talks about her ADHD diagnosis and the emotional journey of realising that her good girl mask was hiding her neurodivergence. She shares how this awareness has transformed her personal and professional life.

10:56 - People-Pleasing and the Cost of Compliance

Vicky reflects on how her people-pleasing tendencies kept her apologising for herself and accommodating others’ opinions at the expense of her own needs.

17:08 - Restoring Energy through Authenticity

The conversation shifts to ways to restore energy, like stepping into your authentic self and doing activities that bring you joy (such as Vicky’s love of singing).

18:21 - The Importance of Replenishment

Michelle and Vicky talk about the need for replenishment, whether through nature, dancing, or even allowing space for yourself to just be. They emphasise the importance of self-care and not wasting energy on masking.

22:01 - Advice to Younger Self

Vicky shares what she would tell her 19-year-old self starting out in the corporate world—trust your instincts and don’t stay in spaces that don’t serve you.

23:48 - Why Women Blame Themselves

Michelle highlights her upcoming book exploring why young women blame themselves when they feel out of place in the workplace, leading to further discussions on societal conditioning.

28:50 - Embracing the Journey of Authenticity

Vicky reflects on how, as she steps into her authentic self, her relationships and career have transformed for the better.

29:31 - Final Question for Listeners

Vicky challenges the audience to reflect on what’s holding them back from being their true, authentic selves. What would life look like if they allowed themselves to fully embrace who they are?

32:17 - Closing Remarks

Michelle wraps up the episode, reflecting on the importance of stepping into authenticity and sharing how Vicky’s journey has resonated with her own experience of deprogramming good girl conditioning.

Follow Vicky on social media:

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/advancepopulus/

Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/vickycampbell123/

Follow Michelle on social media:

Website - https://www.michelleminnikin.com/

Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/mminnikin/

...

Next Episode

9 - Breaking Chains and Building Power with Amy Pons

Episode 9 - Breaking Chains and Building Power with Amy Pons

In this episode of Good Girl Deprogramming, Michelle Minnikin is joined by Amy, an advocate for workplace psychological safety and national team member of the End Workplace Abuse Movement. Together, they delve into the deep-seated systems of power—patriarchy, capitalism, colonialism—that perpetuate psychological abuse, especially towards women in the workplace. They share lived experiences, discuss the nuances of gaslighting, and highlight the importance of awareness and legislation for psychological safety. Listeners will also be introduced to the empowering concept of personal magic, the importance of curiosity, and embracing one’s unique brilliance beyond societal conditioning.

Amy’s a warrior and a healer who — through empathetic coaching, passion, spiritual guidance, a little bit of magic, and a dash/hint of spice — leads women back to who they are at the soul level, so they can step into their power and live as their favorite selves.

What we talk about:

2:08 – Amy’s work and perspectives on the workplace’s patriarchal and colonial roots
5:03 – The true meaning of gaslighting and how it differs from simple “bad behaviour”
9:00 – Real-time learning moments: Dealing with resistance online and reflections on men’s reactions
14:20 – Discussion on the Workplace Psychological Safety Act and state-level legislative progress
17:27 – Strategies for addressing workplace abuse and future plans for national initiatives
21:43 – Michelle and Amy share personal stories of confronting psychological safety and advocacy
24:33 – Dual feelings in activism: Supporting women who perpetuate the system
29:02 – Introducing the concept of ‘magic’ and living authentically
31:06 – Reflective question to the audience: “How’s your heart today?”
32:48 – Future aspirations: Manifesting a women’s gathering in French Polynesia

Follow Amy on social media:

Website - www.unlockthemagic.org

Women Making Moves Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/women_making_moves_?igshid=MjEwN2IyYWYwYw%3D%3D

Unlock the Magic Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/unlockthemagic_?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA%3D%3D

Etsy - https://www.etsy.com/shop/UnlocktheMagicLLC

Follow Michelle on social media:

Website - https://www.michelleminnikin.com/

Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/mminnikin/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/goodgirldeprogramming

TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@michelleminnikin

Buy Good Girl Deprogramming

Ebook and Paperback available at all good bookshops (and Amazon - https://amzn.to/3AQHuFf)