Ambition Without Compromise - 34 | Perfectionism & The Settled Place We're Seeking

34 | Perfectionism & The Settled Place We're Seeking

05/22/24 • 44 min

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Ambition Without Compromise

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Have you ever felt like you're constantly chasing a moment of peace, where everything on your to-do list is checked off, and you can finally relax? This pursuit of the 'settled place' might be more ingrained in your daily life than you realize.

There's a way to shift from this endless cycle of striving for perfection to embracing an abundant boss mindset. A mindset that allows you to assume possibility, to believe that space and resources you need will be available to you, and to prioritize your own well-being alongside your ambitions.

Join me as we unpack the layers of societal expectation that have taught us to stifle our emotions, to maintain composure at the cost of our authentic selves. I also share personal anecdotes and insights into how modeling emotional honesty can shape our environments, encourage others, and foster a culture of genuine well-being. Tune in to learn more.

GEMS DROPPED
“An abundant boss mindset is a mindset around leadership where you assume possibility. You assume that the space you require is available to you. You assume that your needs shall be met. You assume that if you take up the space it’s gonna be okay. There's a way that we kind of assume that we can have our needs met and that the things get done... at the same damn time.”

“Some of the most important mental resource tools I've honestly ever picked up were between therapy and the fact that I worked for four years at a mental health startup where I learned cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) in and out.”

“One of the greatest lessons that I learned in my coaching training is how emotions move. Emotions are emotions. There are no good emotions, there are no bad emotions... emotions are just energy. They are energy that needs to flow through us. Our body is engaging with the world and energetically reacting to the experiences that we have, the relationships that we keep and when our emotions come up, as adults, we have been trained to work them on down, to make them feasible, to make them workable, or to shut them off, to shut ourselves off, and to go into numb mode just to survive the moment because we're not socially given the space to do much more than that on a da -to -day basis.”

“This craving of arriving at the settled place, this desire to get ahead of this, to get to the point where you feel peace and confident and on top of things. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I think that what we are not recognizing in that process or in that craving is that it's not just so much as a desire to get to a place as it is I think a desire to get away from. Because what's happening is we're just scared to be present to what is so we need to get somewhere else where there aren't the complicated, hard feelings there. Sadness is not there. Rage, anger and frustration are not there. It's just pure satisfaction and rest and peace, which we all deserve. And I want to argue today that we also deserve to have regular space to feel all of the other emotions as well.“

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to [email protected].

Text Monique directly! Share thoughts, feels or feedback!

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to [email protected].

Previous Episode

33 | Unpacking Trauma And Achievement with Psychologist Andrea Michel

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In this episode, we explore the intricate web of trauma, perfectionism and high achievement with Andrea Michel.

As a developmental psychologist, trauma-sensitive leadership coach, and former corporate badass, Andrea peels back the layers of what it means to be a high achiever, how our childhood traumas shape our professional lives, and the subtle yet significant distinction between burnout and trauma responses in the workplace. She offers a compassionate lens through which to view our inner perfectionist – not as something to be vanquished, but as a part of ourselves that requires understanding and, if we choose, healing.

Whether you're a leader seeking to create a trauma-sensitive environment or an individual ready to confront the roots of your perfectionism, Andrea's expertise will guide you toward a path of self-awareness and empowerment. Press play to join the conversation.

Some key points discussed in this episode include:

Understanding decision-making
High-functioning behavior, overachievement, and childhood trauma
Parenting and trauma
Forming relationships based solely on achievement
Self-awareness and Healing
Differentiating burnout and trauma response

GEMS DROPPED
“Simply put, trauma is any experience or any event that overwhelms our internal resources. And when we feel out of control of a situation. So in other words, trauma is anything that happens to us where we feel like we have no control over the situation and we're basically stressed out to the max. And so I like to say, when we think about trauma, there is the event, there the experience, and then there is the expectations. So the event is the thing that happens, the experience is how we interpret that thing that happened and then the expectation is how do others around us respond to that situation.” - Andrea Michel

“What I come into contact with, even with some clients in session, sometime we're asking, like, where does that come from? Why is that showing up? Why is that happening? What was that about? But we can't take it much further. And I just feel like sometimes it's just another reminder that you can't really do this alone. You can, many times only get yourself so far, because we can't see outside. We can't see outside of how we see.” - Monique R. Shields

“We have to unburden ourselves of things that we ultimately cannot control and we're not supposed to anyway.” - Monique R. Shields

“If you want to stop repeating the same cycle, you have to heal the trauma.” - Andrea Michel
MENTIONED

EP. 14 Spiritual Knowing and Self-Integrity with Josie Rosario

GUEST LINKS
Learn more about Andrea Michel | Website | The Global Center for Trauma | Private Coaching

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to [email protected].

Next Episode

35 | The Courage To Pursue Peace With Hillarie Maddox of BlackGirlCountryLiving

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Are you yearning for a change in your life, especially one that brings you closer to your true self? This episode might just be the nudge you need.

In this episode, we unfold the essence of rewilding – a term that transcends its ecological roots to embody a spiritual awakening and connection with the natural world. Hillarie Maddox, a mother, aspiring farmer, community builder and the visionary behind Black Girl Country Living, shares her profound shift from the corporate grind to a life steeped in nature, healing, and community on Whidbey Island.

Join in as Hillarie recounts her journey– from her aspirations for big-city success to her courageous leap into a life that truly resonates with her soul. She discusses the challenges and triumphs of transitioning multiple times, the power of visibility in attracting life-altering opportunities, and the importance of aligning one's work with deeply held values.

Her story is a powerful reminder that it's never too late to seek a more fulfilling path, and that transitions are not just about the physical move from one place to another but also about the spiritual passage from one state of being to another.

GEMS DROPPED
“When we allow ourselves to be free and have the privilege... it really ends up being like coming back into this formative early part of myself, this foundational part of me as a child to live a fuller expression of that kid now.” - Monique R. Shields

“When I first started getting into gardening, and homesteading and thinking about, like, you know, this is something that I have to do all on my own. And then realizing, like, homesteaders, farmers, they don't do this on their own, they work in connection to all of these other people, and you can't possibly grow everything on your own. And so it's been like this sort of expansive rethinking of what this lifestyle actually means. And that understanding has trickled into all parts of my life, including my career.”- Hillarie Maddox

“Many of us are still building our careers off of that very old dream. There's nothing wrong with having that dream, like, whatever age you have it at, and you pursue it and then decide, actually, this is not what I thought it was going to be and then making a new decision. But sometimes we never hit that point or allow ourselves to hit the point of reckoning where it's just like, this ain't it. It may be “it”, but sometimes it's not it, many times it's not it.” - Monique R. Shields

“If you don't know what your values are, then you're making decisions from all of these different inputs from who knows where in your life and then it creates this really out of touch, out of alignment way of living.“ - Hillarie Maddox

GUEST LINKS
Learn more about Hillarie Maddox | Website | Instagram | Substack
If you are looking for retreat space to host your programming around climate justice, BIPOC wellness, or land-based healing work, connect with Hillarie at [email protected]

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to [email protected].