61-Domestic Violence AUTHOR and WARRIOR: Emma Jean Rowin; Part 3
Explicit content warning
03/26/25 • 38 min
What happens after you leave an abuse relationship? The movies would have you believe it's all sunshine and roses once you escape, but the reality is far more complicated. Author Emma Jean Rowin returns to share the final chapter of her journey, reading from her powerful memoir "When Things Collapse" and exploring the complex aftermath of domestic abuse.
Emma Jean opens with a reading about "The Work of Letting Peace In," describing how survivors often develop hypervigilance as a protection mechanism. This overwhelming need to control one's environment—especially for parents trying to shield their children from further harm—becomes its own struggle that requires intentional healing.
One of the most profound revelations in our conversation is how both of us believed we were "too smart" or "too strong" to be abuse victims. This common belief actually makes us more vulnerable, as it prevents us from recognizing abuse for what it is and seeking help. We discuss how abuse creates neural pathways that trigger unexpected reactions in future relationships, requiring conscious reprogramming through therapy and self-awareness.
"If a person's good side is very good and their bad side is very bad, you have to let go of both," Emma Jean shares, highlighting one of the most difficult aspects of leaving—the uncertainty about whether those good moments were real, and learning that ultimately, it doesn't matter. The intensity that many survivors become accustomed to in relationships is not healthy, though it can take time to understand that peaceful relationships are actually the goal.
While the journey after abuse isn't fair and requires tremendous work, the peace and freedom are worth it. There's a special appreciation for autonomy that survivors develop—the ability to make decisions without fear, to experience calm without walking on eggshells, to simply be. If you're on this journey, remember that all your feelings are valid, healing isn't linear, and you are never, ever alone.
Emma Jean’s 1in3 bio: https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/emma-jean-rowin/
Link to “When Things Collapse”: https://a.co/d/8wTUZ1W
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to [email protected]
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
What happens after you leave an abuse relationship? The movies would have you believe it's all sunshine and roses once you escape, but the reality is far more complicated. Author Emma Jean Rowin returns to share the final chapter of her journey, reading from her powerful memoir "When Things Collapse" and exploring the complex aftermath of domestic abuse.
Emma Jean opens with a reading about "The Work of Letting Peace In," describing how survivors often develop hypervigilance as a protection mechanism. This overwhelming need to control one's environment—especially for parents trying to shield their children from further harm—becomes its own struggle that requires intentional healing.
One of the most profound revelations in our conversation is how both of us believed we were "too smart" or "too strong" to be abuse victims. This common belief actually makes us more vulnerable, as it prevents us from recognizing abuse for what it is and seeking help. We discuss how abuse creates neural pathways that trigger unexpected reactions in future relationships, requiring conscious reprogramming through therapy and self-awareness.
"If a person's good side is very good and their bad side is very bad, you have to let go of both," Emma Jean shares, highlighting one of the most difficult aspects of leaving—the uncertainty about whether those good moments were real, and learning that ultimately, it doesn't matter. The intensity that many survivors become accustomed to in relationships is not healthy, though it can take time to understand that peaceful relationships are actually the goal.
While the journey after abuse isn't fair and requires tremendous work, the peace and freedom are worth it. There's a special appreciation for autonomy that survivors develop—the ability to make decisions without fear, to experience calm without walking on eggshells, to simply be. If you're on this journey, remember that all your feelings are valid, healing isn't linear, and you are never, ever alone.
Emma Jean’s 1in3 bio: https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/emma-jean-rowin/
Link to “When Things Collapse”: https://a.co/d/8wTUZ1W
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to [email protected]
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
Previous Episode
60-Domestic Violence AUTHOR and WARRIOR: Emma Jean Rowin; Part 2
When Emma Jean's young daughter offered to "act really cute" to prevent her father's rage, something profound shifted. In this raw, emotional conversation, Emma Jean reads a pivotal passage from her book, "When Things Collapse," revealing the exact moment she realized her children weren't just witnessing abuse—they were absorbing it as training for their future.
This powerful discussion dismantles the myth that staying "for the kids" benefits children in abusive households. Emma Jean shares how her daughter, now 21, demonstrates remarkable strength in relationships precisely because she witnessed her mother's courage in walking away. "That's the thing in my life I am the most proud of," Emma Jean confesses, noting that children who see their parents respect themselves learn to demand respect in their own lives.
We tackle difficult truths: the façade of an "intact family" shatters the moment abuse begins; children perceive tension regardless of parents' attempts to hide it; and perhaps most importantly—a good father simply does not abuse his children's mother. For listeners struggling with these decisions, Emma Jean offers a clarifying question: "What would you tell your daughter to do in this situation?"
The conversation acknowledges the very real dangers of leaving, with practical advice about timing, safety planning, and the emotional reality that many victims attempt to leave multiple times before making a final break. Through it all runs a thread of hope—that when parents find the courage to walk away from abuse, they give their children an invaluable gift: a model of self-respect that becomes internalized and "sealed in their fate" in the most positive way possible.
Emma Jean’s 1in3 bio: https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/emma-jean-rowin/
Link to “When Things Collapse”: https://a.co/d/8wTUZ1W
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to [email protected]
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
Next Episode
62-The Deadly Connection Between Intimate Partner Violence and Suicide Risk With Jessica Maerz
The devastating intersection between suicide and domestic violence remains largely hidden, yet the statistics tell a shocking story. In this deeply important conversation, LCSW Jessica reveals that one in three women who attempted suicide in the past year were recent victims of intimate partner violence.
Drawing from her years of experience working with suicidal individuals, Jessica unpacks how the risk factors for suicide directly mirror the experiences of domestic violence victims. The isolation, hopelessness, and psychosocial stressors created by abusive relationships establish perfect conditions for suicidal thoughts to take hold. Most alarmingly, research shows the window between having suicidal thoughts and taking action can be as brief as five minutes to one hour.
We explore the generational impacts as well, discovering disturbing international data showing children who witness domestic violence face significantly higher suicide risks. In the U.S., one in fifteen children are exposed to intimate partner violence annually, with 90% being eyewitnesses to abuse.
This episode provides crucial information about recognizing warning signs, creating effective safety plans, and understanding what happens during crisis intervention. Jessica emphasizes the importance of direct communication, explaining that asking someone specifically about suicidal thoughts doesn't plant the idea – it opens the door for life-saving conversation.
Remember the crisis line number: 988.
References:
Suicide and intimate partner violence
UNC Gillings School of Global Public Health, April 11 2022 discussed this study: Intimate partner violence victimization and perpetration as precursors to suicide - ScienceDirect
Intimate partner violence, suicidality, and self-harm: a probability sample survey of the general population in England - PMC Lancet Psychiatry, 2022 Jul; 9(7)
Scale of homicide and suicides by domestic abuse victims revealed content
Resources:
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to [email protected]
- Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
1 in 3 - 61-Domestic Violence AUTHOR and WARRIOR: Emma Jean Rowin; Part 3
Transcript
Hi Warriors , welcome to One in Three . I'm your host , ingrid . In the last two episodes , we followed Emma Jean Rowan's journey through an abusive relationship from its onset to the depths of the turmoil . Today , after sharing one more excerpt from her book when Things Collapse , we dive into a conversation about the thoughts and beliefs we each had held regarding our personal exp
If you like this episode you’ll love
Episode Comments
Generate a badge
Get a badge for your website that links back to this episode
<a href="https://goodpods.com/podcasts/1-in-3-680848/61-domestic-violence-author-and-warrior-emma-jean-rowin-part-3-89487406"> <img src="https://storage.googleapis.com/goodpods-images-bucket/badges/generic-badge-1.svg" alt="listen to 61-domestic violence author and warrior: emma jean rowin; part 3 on goodpods" style="width: 225px" /> </a>
Copy