Till The Wheels Fall Off - Codependency Doesn't Tell the Whole Story: Why You Lose Yourself in an Addicted Relationship

Codependency Doesn't Tell the Whole Story: Why You Lose Yourself in an Addicted Relationship

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01/24/24 • 54 min

Till The Wheels Fall Off

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Books like "Codependent No More" and programs like CODA or Alanon offer a lot of helpful insight on the topic of codependency. Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship pattern where one person's self-worth and identity become excessively reliant on the approval and needs of another person. Codependency does explain some of the behaviors that take place in an addicted relationship, but the story is a bit more complex than this. The "Lost" feelings that many spouses and partners have are sometimes the byproduct of abusive behaviors, gaslighting and the calculated altering of someone's reality in order to keep the addicted train rolling. That is, codependency doesn't tell the whole story and therefore focusing deeply on it as the solution will not fix the entire issue. Simply working on your codependent behaviors will not get you to your end goal of a happy and healthy relationship, nor will it address the trauma from years of abuse that is often present in addicted relationships. Just focusing on your codependency or your own issues and not acknowledging the why of these behaviors is a failure to examine the role that abuse plays in a romantic relationship. In this episode we discuss some of our own healing that was necessary due to the years of gaslighting, mistreatment, devaluing, and disregard of basic human needs in our relationship.

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Till The Wheels Fall Off - Codependency Doesn't Tell the Whole Story: Why You Lose Yourself in an Addicted Relationship

Transcript

Matt00:00:00.000

No, I think you make an incredibly important point there as spouses I've never met a spouse or partner that wasn't willing to walk to the end of the earth if it meant that it was going to fix their problems. The issue is that these aren't necessarily your problems and you didn't cause these problems, right. These are symptoms of abuse. These are symptoms of trauma. This is what happens when you're in relationship with an AWOL like me. For years and ye