Early Signs of An Abuser - My Domestic Violence Story Part 1

Explicit content warning

09/12/24 • 31 min

Recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship can be challenging, especially when the abuse is subtle or disguised as love and concern. Abusive behavior often starts gradually, with seemingly minor incidents that escalate over time, making it difficult for victims to identify the pattern. Understanding these signs is crucial for potential victims and friends, family members, and professionals who can offer support and intervention.

In this episode, I share a series of pivotal moments, including quitting my job to move in with an abuser and the realization that things were not as they seemed; we gain insight into the complex dynamics of abusive relationships. This narration serves as a stark reminder that abusers often prey on those who are vulnerable or lacking in self-esteem. However, not always and in Gabi's story she was confident, successful and led a very happy life. Her goal is to highlight the importance of recognizing the warning signs early on. By sharing this story, The goal is to empower other women to identify red flags in their relationships and seek help before it's too late. Tune in to learn more about the story of my years spent with an abuser and how 20 years later I've healed so much of the woman I was back then and have found love and joy on the other side of abuse.

Timestamps

[02:10] Domestic Violence & reflection after watching #itendswithus

[05:17] My ex's death

[07:31] How I met him

[13:16] When the isolation started - key signs early on abusers do to isolate you

[16:10] When the unraveling of my self esteem and worthiness began

[19:52] The first trip to meet him

[25:20] Quitting my job to move across the country

Notable Quotes

“I wish that I had somebody to tell me this is crazy back then.”
“The things that are said or the ways that we show up in the world are based upon the narrative that we have carried from somebody else’s shitty words.”
“Sometimes, you don’t know or believe, you have the ability to start a new life.”
“We have the ability to choose.”
“Money and power go hand in hand, especially with men that are abusive and manipulative.”

Connect with me: Gabi Garland

Website: https://www.resilientvoicemedia.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gabi.garland/

Timestamps

[02:10] Domestic Violence & reflection after watching #itendswithus

[05:17] My ex's death

[07:31] How I met him

[13:16] When the isolation started - key signs early on abusers do to isolate you

[16:10] When the unraveling of my self esteem and worthiness began

[19:52] The first trip to meet him

[25:20] Quitting my job to move across the country

Notable Quotes

“I wish that I had somebody to tell me this is crazy back then.”
“The things that are said or the ways that we show up in the world are based upon the narrative that we have carried from somebody else’s shitty words.”
“Sometimes, you don’t know or believe, you have the ability to start a new life.”
“We have the ability to choose.”
“Money and power go hand in hand, especially with men that are abusive and manipulative.”

Connect with me: Gabi Garland

Website: https://www.resilientvoicemedia.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gabi.garland/

Previous Episode

Rediscovering Your Identity and Breaking Generational Cycles with Romel Peters

In this episode, I am joined by Romel, a proud Mumpreneur, Intuitive Mindset Coach, Inspirational Speaker, Podcaster and Author on a mission to help individuals who struggle with self-identity rediscover who they are on a soul level by breaking the unhealthy cycles of generational patterns and expectations. Having undergone her massive transformation after hitting rock bottom in 2018, Romel now uses her expertise and experience to guide her clients through their own Self-Discovery journey. She is passionate about creating healthy spaces and the resources you may need to ‘master the art’ of harnessing your natural gift of intuition so you feel more capable and confident about stepping into your main character's energy, managing the ebbs and flows of life, and unleashing your authentic self (unapologetically) into this world.

Today, Romel shares her journey of healing from domestic abuse, losing her father, and rediscovering her true self. We discuss the importance of self-love, forgiveness, and breaking generational cycles. She also provides insights on moving forward and creating a life you love, even after experiencing trauma.

Join the conversation now!

Timestamps:

[01:31] Romel's background and work as an intuitive mindset coach

[01:57] The importance of the intersection between business and personal well-being

[02:36] Benefits of recognizing challenges are not unique to oneself

[04:05] Rediscovering lost passions and true identity

[06:13] Romel's journey of healing

[08:05] Leaving a toxic relationship and the healing process

[11:20] Romel's advice for someone freshly out of an abusive relationship

[15:17] How emotional abuse manifests in a relationship

[16:09] Romel's most significant lesson from transitioning out of an abusive relationship

[18:26] The importance of embracing our humanity

[21:09] The significance of generational cycle breakers

[34:05] The empowering aspect of decision-making in the healing journey

Quotes:

It doesn't matter what you've been through, big or small, or whatever you felt from that. You, um, it's valid 'cause you've been through it, and it's what you feel, and it's not your story. It's not your story; it's just a chapter.
Whatever you need to rewire for yourself, keep repeating it, and it will become second nature. It is just, like I said, taking the baby steps. It all comes together once you do all the smaller stuff.
It will get better as long as you want it to. Essentially, what you feel on the inside will always reflect on the outside.
As hard as it might be, once you take that first step, it gets a little bit easier, and you just keep taking the steps until it's just a walk in the park.

Resources:

Romel Peters Coaching

Intuitive Mindset Coach & Mentor

https://www.romelpeters.com

https://www.instagram.com/romel_peters

https://www.facebook.com/romelmpeters

https://www.facebook.com/groups/breakingcyclestogether_

Gabi Garland

Calendly for Nashville:

https://calendly.com/gabigarland/resilientphoenixretreat

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gabi.garland

Next Episode

Early Signs of An Abuser - My Domestic Violence Story Part 2

Domestic violence is a pervasive and often hidden issue that affects millions. Recognizing the early signs of an abuser can be crucial for protecting yourself and breaking free from a dangerous situations. Many survivors of domestic violence report overlooking or rationalizing away subtle red flags in the early stages of their relationships. By understanding and identifying these early warning signs, you can be empowered to recognize potentially abusive behaviors and seek help before situations escalate.

In this episode, I share my personal story of domestic violence, exploring a series of pivotal moments that shed light on the complex dynamics of abusive relationships. From my initial move to Florida with my ex to the gradual loss of my personal freedom and the first time he physically abused me. My story serves as a reminder of how abusers can manipulate and control their partners. I highlight how my abuser isolated me, controlled our finances, and undermined my success and independence. By sharing these experiences, my goal is to empower other women to identify red flags in their own relationships and seek help before the situation escalates. Tune in to learn about my journey through years of abuse, my path to healing, and how I found love and joy on the other side of this traumatic experience.

Timestamps

[00:00] Life with my ex in Florida

[04:50] The false sense of security masked with humor, fun, and what I naively thought was love

[06:45] Justifying where I was going every time I had to leave the house

[07:55] Moving from Florida to Georgia

[09:46] Financial abuse and emotional belittling due to my promotions at work.

[11:48] The first incident of physical abuse and what I did next.

[15:58] Being forced to quit my job because of my friend at work

[17:16] The abuse from him continued, in big and small ways.

[18:14] Realizing I was pregnant

[18:50] Anger management classes and therapy sessions for healing

[20:17] Moving back to Florida because of my pregnancy. Further isolation as I’d built a little bit of a support system in Georgia and he couldn’t allow that.

[21:22] He wouldn’t cover my pregnancy health care bills and insurance

[21:43] How I ended up being a prisoner again in my house

[23:11] I had to prepare to take care of my daughter and myself

[26:06] Ways they pull you away from environments where you have resources

Notable Quotes

“Don’t put everything that you have in the hands of another person.”
“These types of people will start questioning your success because your success starts threatening their ego.”
“I had no access to any of our money or anything, and he liked it that way.”

Connect with me: Gabi Garland

Website: https://www.resilientvoicemedia.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gabi.garland/