Is It Trauma or Neurodivergence with Irina Diyankova

04/12/25 • 42 min

The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

On today’s podcast, I chat with Dr. Irina Diyankova, certified IFS therapist, IFS clinical consultant, and Lead Trainer with the IFS Institute. We explore the fascinating intersection of IFS and neurodivergence, a topic she knows intimately from both her lived and professional experience.

We talk about time blindness, sensory sensitivities, what gets mistaken for trauma but might be hardwiring, and how IFS therapists can differentiate. We also get into self-accommodation, the limits of coping skills, and why healing through IFS is a lifelong journey.

I loved my conversation with Irina and felt uplifted and inspired by her beautiful Self Energy. I’m excited to bring this episode to you.

✨ Don’t miss my extended video interview with Irina on The One Inside Substack. You’ll also find a gentle, creative meditation Irina led designed especially for neurodiverse folks to connect with parts of their nervous system. Bring crayons and curiosity.

Key Takeaways:

“Healing doesn't always bring rainbows and butterflies.” Irina talks about the moment she realized her nervous system challenges weren’t just about unhealed trauma.
How do you tell the difference between parts and hardwiring? Irina walks us through how she listens for what’s left after unburdening and what that might mean.
“Coping skills that work for others might not work for you—and that’s not a failure.”
Why traditional therapeutic approaches (like exposure therapy) can be harmful for neurodivergent clients—and what to do instead.
“I have to accommodate myself.” Irina shares how self-acceptance and sensory regulation opened up a whole new window of tolerance.
We also talk about Irina’s upcoming book, Becoming an IFS Therapist: A Journey to One’s Self, which offers practices and reflections for IFS therapists.

Mentioned In This Episode:

The Science of Calm free online summit April 21 - May 4, 2025

“Applying IFS with autistic and ADHD adults through neurodiversity affirming lens” two-day workshop, May 30-31, 2025.

Irina's book: Becoming an IFS Therapist: A Journey to One's Self

About Dr. Irina Diyankova

Dr. Irina Diyankova is a licensed psychologist, certified IFS therapist, and Lead Trainer with the IFS Institute. She specializes in the treatment of psychological trauma and related conditions, including PTSD, Dissociative Disorders, and Anxiety and Mood Disorders. Based in Tennessee, Irina offers professional consultations, workshops, and trainings for mental health professionals interested in learning the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. She is also an IFS Approved Clinical Consultant, known for her thoughtful, neurodiversity-affirming approach to teaching and therapy.

Episode Sponsors:

IFS Demoz

Curious what Internal Family Systems looks like in action? Join IFS Demoz, a live demonstration series led by IFS pioneer Mike Elkin. Each week, Mike takes on real-world challenges through one-on-one role play, modeling IFS techniques in real time. Whether you're new to IFS or a seasoned practitioner, these sessions offer powerful insights into how the model truly works. Each demo includes an open, inclusive Q&A—so bring your curiosity. Live sessions happen weekly on Zoom, and recordings are available to all registrants.

Inner World Collective

A supportive community can change everything when you're learning and applying the IFS model. The Collective is an online space for IFS therapists and practitioners to connect with like-minded professionals, build confidence, refine their skills, and feel truly supported as they bring IFS into their clinical work. Inside, you'll find expert consultation, supervised and peer-led practice groups, monthly guest speakers, recorded demos and demo groups, and Self-led workshops—all designed to help you flourish as an IFS practitioner.

About The One Inside:

Check out The One Inside Substack community to access all episodes, exclusive extended interviews, meditations and exercises, and more.

Find The One Inside Self-Led merch at The One Inside store

Watch video clips from select episodes on The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy and on Fac...

I loved my conversation with Irina and felt uplifted and inspired by her beautiful Self Energy. I’m excited to bring this episode to you.

Key Takeaways:

“Healing doesn't always bring rainbows and butterflies.” Irina talks about the moment she realized her nervous system challenges weren’t just about unhealed trauma.
How do you tell the difference between parts and hardwiring? Irina walks us through how she listens for what’s left after unburdening and what that might mean.
“Coping skills that work for others might not work for you—and that’s not a failure.”
Why traditional therapeutic approaches (like exposure therapy) can be harmful for neurodivergent clients—and what to do instead.
“I have to accommodate myself.” Irina shares how self-acceptance and sensory regulation opened up a whole new window of tolerance.
We also talk about Irina’s upcoming book, Becoming an IFS Therapist: A Journey to One’s Self, which offers practices and reflections for IFS therapists.

Mentioned In This Episode:

The Science of Calm free online summit April 21 - May 4, 2025

“Applying IFS with autistic and ADHD adults through neurodiversity affirming lens” two-day workshop, May 30-31, 2025.

Irina's book: Becoming an IFS Therapist: A Journey to One's Self

About Dr. Irina Diyankova

Episode Sponsors:

IFS Demoz

Inner World Collective

About The One Inside:

Check out The One Inside Substack community to access all episodes, exclusive extended interviews, meditations and exercises, and more.

Find The One Inside Self-Led merch at The One Inside store

Watch video clips from select episodes on The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy and on Fac...

Previous Episode

Quieting The Storm Within with Ashley Booth

On today’s podcast, I chat with Ashley Booth, a psychedelic-assisted psychotherapist, trainer, researcher—and former oceanographer! Ashley’s new book, Quieting the Storm Within: A Simple, Intuitive Guide to Your Inner World, is beautifully written and illustrated, accessible, and deeply rooted in IFS.

We talk about why she chose to create a picture book for adults, how parts mapping can be playful and powerful, and how IFS and psychedelics both point us toward connection with our parts, with the natural world, and with something larger than ourselves.

Ashley shares her journey from marine science to healing work, the grief that led her there, and the awe and Self Energy that keep her grounded in the work today.

Key Takeaways:

“IFS is such a visual model.” Ashley talks about why she chose to make a picture book for adults and how dyslexia, digital art, and parts mapping all played a role.
What is the “parts unstack” exercise and how can it help externalize what’s happening inside?
“All parts are either the steward of a need or trying to get that need met.” Ashley walks us through her reframing of protectors as helpers and the importance of naming needs with compassion.
How her own psychedelic experiences influenced the metaphors in the book, and how IFS supports integration and meaning-making.
“Self is the conduit.” Ashley shares how visual reminders, art, and little moments of awe can help us reconnect to Self Energy in everyday life.

Favorite Quote:

"We all need to be able to connect with the love and the compassion that's available to all of us that doesn't judge. And our parts need to be held by that, right? And our Self is the conduit for that to happen." – Ashley Booth

About Ashley Booth

Ashley Booth, LCSW, is a psychedelic-assisted psychotherapist, IFS practitioner, researcher, and educator. She’s the author of Quieting the Storm Within: A Simple, Intuitive Guide to Your Inner World, releasing in March 2025. Ashley is also the founder of IFS and Beyond, where she offers consultation, integration, and teaching at the intersection of Internal Family Systems and psychedelic therapy.

A former oceanographer, Ashley brings deep curiosity and reverence for nature into her work, helping people reconnect with their inner and outer worlds. Learn more at ifsandbeyond.com or ashleybooth.net.

Episode Sponsors:

IFS Demoz

Inner World Collective

About The One Inside:

Check out The One Inside Substack community to access all episodes, exclusive extended interviews, meditations and exercises, and more.

Find The One Inside Self-Led merch at The One Inside store

Watch video clips from select episodes on The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.

Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside. He’s a writer and IFS Level 2 practitioner who specializes in helping therapists create with clarity and confidence.

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy'...

Next Episode

Silence, Stories, and Self: My intuitive path to parts work with Jessica Laurel Kane

On today’s episode I meet Jessica Laurel Kane, a writer, illustrator, and storyteller whose new book, Once Upon an Upset: Illustrated Stories, Insights, and Reflections to Help Parent Our Children While Re-Parenting Ourselves, captures the spirit of Internal Family Systems in such an authentic and creative way.

Jessica isn’t formally trained in IFS, but she lives it and teaches it through her stories, illusrations, and books. She discovered IFS organically during a slient retreat and got to know her inner world by interviewing her parts--like characters in a story.

Her work shows how imagination can be a healing tool. She makes “being with your parts” feel accessible, visual, and real. This episode is about the power of healing through storytelling, and I think you’re going to love hearing Jessica tell hers.

Key Takeaways:

“I treated myself the way I was treated.” Jessica describes how growing up with neglect led to internal self-neglect and how getting to know her parts shifted that pattern.
How a 10-day silent retreat helped her meet the younger selves she’d been avoiding, and why she started interviewing them like characters in a story.
“Only you get to say when you’ll give birth to your creative self.” Jessica shares how parts of us often hold the key to our creativity and our stuckness.
Parenting as a mirror: how Jessica hears old internal voices while parenting her son, and how she learned to pause, check in, and choose a different path.
“The glue is compassion.” A conversation about looping thoughts, panic attacks, and what it takes to rewire old stories with new ones.
How her late mother planted the seeds for the parts work and self trust Jessica now uses to nurture herself and her son.

Favorite Quote:

"Sometimes I search desperately outside of myself for a place to rest and be still, forgetting that this place is inside of me."—Jessica Laurel Kane

About Jessica

Jessica Laurel Kane is the author of several books, most recently: Leaving Cleveland: A Memoir, The Boy with the Heavy Suitcase (a picture book) and Once Upon an Upset: Illustrated Stories, Insights and Reflections to Help Parent Our Children While Reparenting Ourselves. She lives in Upstate New York with her husband and son.

Episode Sponsor:

Michelle Glass

Whether you’re IFS-trained and supporting clients in medicine work or a psychedelic facilitator looking to integrate IFS, Michelle Glass offers courses designed to build confidence in preparation, journey, and integration. Courses include: “Supporting Clients’ Psychedelic Journeys Utilizing IFS” or her 22-Hour “Comprehensive IFS Introduction for Psychedelic Facilitators.” Learn more at thelistenerllc.com

Upcoming Events:

The Science of Calm free online summit April 21 - May 4, 2025

Self-Led Parenting: How Internal Family Systems Can Transform Your Family's Life - a course I'm leading with Susan Stiffelman on May 1, 2025

About The One Inside:

Check out The One Inside Substack community to access all episodes, exclusive extended interviews, meditations and exercises, and more.

Find The One Inside Self-Led merch at The One Inside store

Watch video clips from select episodes on The One Inside on YouTube

Follow Tammy on Instagram @ifstammy and on Facebook at The One Inside with Tammy Sollenberger.

Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside. He’s a writer and IFS Level 2 practitioner who specializes in helping therapists create with clarity and confidence.

Are you new to IFS or want a simple way to get to know yourself? Tammy's book, "The One Inside: Thirty Days to your Authentic Self" is a PERFECT place to start.