305: How To Build Healthy Relationships
03/10/22 • 30 min
1 Listener
Relationships are one of the most basic human needs, but building healthy relationships takes self-awareness and work. While we talk a lot about behaviors that can make a relationship unhealthy, such as narcissism and gaslighting (which are both more than unhealthy – they’re abuse), I thought it was time to talk about what makes a relationship a keeper.
What traits can you look to as your benchmark to see if your relationship is healthy and what should you aspire to if you’re working on creating healthier relationships in your life?
In this episode, I’m sharing eight traits that healthy relationships have in common – whether that’s a relationship with a partner, friend, family member or anyone!
Listen to discover:
- The 8 qualities of a healthy relationship
- What an apology is and what it isn’t
- How to have open, honest communication
- Relationship truths to live by
This doesn’t mean you have to get this right 100% of the time to be healthy, but healthy people DO work to repair mistakes and deepen connection, and that is what these practices will help you do.
Remember that, while it takes two to tango, you can change the dance of your relationship just by working on yourself. As you live more authentically from your Adult Chair, you will find the way you respond to others and the way you show up and communicate changes. If you’re in a relationship with another healthy individual, they will be drawn to match your energy and meet you with more authenticity, vulnerability and openness – the keys to connection.
“We don’t need to change other people to become who we want them to be.” - Michelle Chalfant
“If you hurt someone you care about, you apologize.” - Michelle Chalfant
“People in healthy relationships are interested in knowing what you need.” - Michelle Chalfant
“We remember to use the word ‘I’ and not ‘you.’ We express OUR needs.” - Michelle Chalfant
“Relationships take work – they really do.” - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Episode #302: Gaslighting 101
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/302-gaslighting-101/
Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/
Episode #261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/261/
Adult Chair® Coaches
https://theadultchair.com/coaches/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Relationships are one of the most basic human needs, but building healthy relationships takes self-awareness and work. While we talk a lot about behaviors that can make a relationship unhealthy, such as narcissism and gaslighting (which are both more than unhealthy – they’re abuse), I thought it was time to talk about what makes a relationship a keeper.
What traits can you look to as your benchmark to see if your relationship is healthy and what should you aspire to if you’re working on creating healthier relationships in your life?
In this episode, I’m sharing eight traits that healthy relationships have in common – whether that’s a relationship with a partner, friend, family member or anyone!
Listen to discover:
- The 8 qualities of a healthy relationship
- What an apology is and what it isn’t
- How to have open, honest communication
- Relationship truths to live by
This doesn’t mean you have to get this right 100% of the time to be healthy, but healthy people DO work to repair mistakes and deepen connection, and that is what these practices will help you do.
Remember that, while it takes two to tango, you can change the dance of your relationship just by working on yourself. As you live more authentically from your Adult Chair, you will find the way you respond to others and the way you show up and communicate changes. If you’re in a relationship with another healthy individual, they will be drawn to match your energy and meet you with more authenticity, vulnerability and openness – the keys to connection.
“We don’t need to change other people to become who we want them to be.” - Michelle Chalfant
“If you hurt someone you care about, you apologize.” - Michelle Chalfant
“People in healthy relationships are interested in knowing what you need.” - Michelle Chalfant
“We remember to use the word ‘I’ and not ‘you.’ We express OUR needs.” - Michelle Chalfant
“Relationships take work – they really do.” - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Episode #302: Gaslighting 101
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/302-gaslighting-101/
Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/
Episode #261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/261/
Adult Chair® Coaches
https://theadultchair.com/coaches/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Previous Episode
304: Trauma Healing with Ilene Smith
When we think of trauma, many of us think of war, a car accident or a major, life-altering event. Though all of these events are certainly traumatic, they are only one type of trauma – what we often call “big T” trauma.
But there are many other forms of subtler trauma, including small events that happen over and over again (especially in childhood), that overwhelm our nervous systems and shape the way we move through the world. I would argue that most humans have had some sort of trauma in their lives, and you’d be surprised by how many times I’ve sat with clients who didn’t even know they had trauma. Heck, it took me decades to realize I had trauma from childhood!
I think this is partly because trauma is such a loaded word, so on today’s show, I’m talking with a trauma expert, Ilene Smith, about what trauma actually is, how to notice if we’re living with trauma and how to heal it.
Listen to discover:
- What trauma is
- Clues that you might be living with trauma
- How trauma affects attachment style as adults
- What trauma bonding is
- How to heal a dysregulated nervous system
- Steps to heal trauma starting today
Here’s the thing about trauma: it has less to do with what actually happened (the event) and everything to do with how that event was interpreted and processed by our nervous system. Even small things can be overwhelming to the nervous system when they happen over time, when we’re children (because we don’t have any filters or discernment) and/or when we don’t have a strong sense of safety and support to help us process the painful events of our lives. And once our nervous system has been “trained” to react a certain way, it can get stuck there even once the trauma is over.
Bringing a sense of safety back to the nervous system is key to building up resilience and allowing yourself to process the stuck fight, flight or freeze energy. This happens in the body, which means the ability to heal your nervous system is as close to you as you are to yourself. I hope this episode brings you some lightbulb moments on what might be happening in your body and how you can begin to connect and heal.
“People often think of trauma as an event, but it's really the energy that gets locked in the body around real or perceived threat." - Ilene Smith
“Trauma can be a series of lots of little things.” - Ilene Smith
“The way we’re living could be the residuals of those childhood experiences.” - Ilene Smith
“As a kid growing up, we don’t know, ‘Oh wait, I’m emotionally not safe.’” - Michelle Chalfant
“When there’s childhood trauma, relationships are much harder when you enter adulthood.” - Ilene Smith
“There’s usually something unhealed if we can’t attach in healthy ways.” - Ilene Smith
“When we get into reactivity, we don’t get into our experience.” - Ilene Smith
“The healing journey is about the body.” - Michelle Chalfant
“When you think about going towards a distraction, think about what it might be like to get into your body in a safe way.” - Ilene Smith
LINKS & RESOURCES
Ilene Smith Website
Ilene Smith Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/ilenesmithhealing/
“Moving Beyond Trauma” (Ilene Smith book)
https://movingbeyondtrauma.co/
ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Test
The Adult Chair® Membership (March Theme: Self-compassion)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook:
Next Episode
306: Empath vs. Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
Does it ever feel like other people in your life just have more capacity than you? They float through busy social calendars, difficult family situations, work stress and world events while you feel overwhelmed, bogged down and exhausted. You wonder what’s wrong with you and if they’re right: you really are too sensitive.
If that sounds like you, there is NOTHING wrong with you; you just might be an empath or highly sensitive person (HSP) – someone who takes in more emotions, energy and input from the world around you.
Being an empath or highly sensitive person is something that many people live with, but many don’t know it (or even know that it’s a thing!). And while being an empath can be an amazing gift, it can also create challenges in life when we’re unaware.
Because we feel others’ emotions so deeply, it can be very emotionally overwhelming and even lead to depression, anxiety and numbing behaviors if we don’t have self-care strategies in our toolbox. This was the story of my life for years until I learned to honor this part of myself, set good boundaries and recharge!
In this episode, I’m helping you understand the difference between an empath and a HSP, the signs you might be an empath and steps to take care of yourself if these traits resonate with you.
Listen to discover:
- The definition of an empath and a HSP
- The difference between empathy and being an empath
- 13 traits of empaths
- How to raise awareness to these traits in yourself
- Survival and self-care strategies for empaths and HSPs
Empaths and HSPs don’t have any less capacity or ability to handle life than anyone else. They don’t need to “toughen up” or get thicker skin, and there’s no such thing as being too sensitive. In reality, empaths and HSPs are very strong people who are just taking in more of the world than the average person.
Through self-care, we can learn to manage all the “inputs” coming in and create time to recharge, so we can balance our wonderful sensitivity with our needs. I hope the strategies in this episode help you survive and thrive in an overwhelming world without numbing out or squashing your beautiful empathetic gifts.
“There’s a big difference between just someone who’s sensitive with a lot of empathy and an empath.” - Michelle Chalfant
“An empath is highly attuned to the energy of others.” - Michelle Chalfant
“We’re picking up on other people's emotions and we think they’re ours.” - Michelle Chalfant
“If you are moody, if you feel low a lot, even if you’re depressed, it could be that you’re taking on too many people’s emotions.” - Michelle Chalfant
“I learned not to open myself up to everybody’s problems.” - Michelle Chalfant
“No matter what you are – HSP or empath – please practice excellent self-care.” - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Empath Meditation for Cleansing and Clearing Your Energy
https://theadultchair.com/portfolio_page/empath-meditation-for-cleansing-and-clearing-your-energy/
A Guided Meditation for Cleansing Relationships and Cutting Cords
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
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