302: Gaslighting 101
02/17/22 • 26 min
1 Listener
You love them, and you think they love you...so why does it feel like you’re going crazy so often in your relationship?
You leave conversations feeling confused, questioning your reality and maybe even questioning your own sanity.
You might be in a relationship with a gaslighter.
Gaslighting is a term that is thrown around frequently, but it is far more than someone questioning us or challenging us. Gaslighting is intentional, manipulative and designed to whittle away someone’s self-confidence. In short, it’s abuse.
Though gaslighting often happens in romantic relationships with narcissists, it can also happen in friendships and family relationships, with men and women and with people who don’t struggle with narcissistic traits but who might struggle with control issues or other mental disorders.
In this episode, I’m sharing what gaslighting is, what it looks like in real life and ways to tell if you’re being gaslighted.
Listen to discover:
- What gaslighting is
- What it looks like and sounds like
- 5 tactics of a gaslighter
- 2 signs you might be in a relationship with a gaslighter
- What to do if you're being gaslighted
The term “gaslighting” actually comes from a 1944 movie about a man who tries to make his wife think she’s going insane...and that is exactly how being gaslighted feels – crazy making!
If you are experiencing this type of abuse, you can start the healing process by building up self-worth and finding people who can help guide you back to what is true about you and your life. The more connected you are to yourself, the better you will be able to see what is real and what is not and make decisions about how to move forward.
"Gaslighting – let's be clear – it's abusive." - Michelle Chalfant
"If someone is gaslighting you, you're going to feel confused, and confused a lot." - Michelle Chalfant
"Gaslighting is all about manipulation, power and control." - Michelle Chalfant
"'I'm sorry you feel that way,' is not an apology." - Michelle Chalfant
"When the person that you love keeps speaking to you like this, it wears you down." - Michelle Chalfant
"A gaslighter is the eternal victim." - Michelle Chalfant
"If someone is gaslighting you, stay in your own reality. Do not challenge them...you'll never win." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/
The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
You love them, and you think they love you...so why does it feel like you’re going crazy so often in your relationship?
You leave conversations feeling confused, questioning your reality and maybe even questioning your own sanity.
You might be in a relationship with a gaslighter.
Gaslighting is a term that is thrown around frequently, but it is far more than someone questioning us or challenging us. Gaslighting is intentional, manipulative and designed to whittle away someone’s self-confidence. In short, it’s abuse.
Though gaslighting often happens in romantic relationships with narcissists, it can also happen in friendships and family relationships, with men and women and with people who don’t struggle with narcissistic traits but who might struggle with control issues or other mental disorders.
In this episode, I’m sharing what gaslighting is, what it looks like in real life and ways to tell if you’re being gaslighted.
Listen to discover:
- What gaslighting is
- What it looks like and sounds like
- 5 tactics of a gaslighter
- 2 signs you might be in a relationship with a gaslighter
- What to do if you're being gaslighted
The term “gaslighting” actually comes from a 1944 movie about a man who tries to make his wife think she’s going insane...and that is exactly how being gaslighted feels – crazy making!
If you are experiencing this type of abuse, you can start the healing process by building up self-worth and finding people who can help guide you back to what is true about you and your life. The more connected you are to yourself, the better you will be able to see what is real and what is not and make decisions about how to move forward.
"Gaslighting – let's be clear – it's abusive." - Michelle Chalfant
"If someone is gaslighting you, you're going to feel confused, and confused a lot." - Michelle Chalfant
"Gaslighting is all about manipulation, power and control." - Michelle Chalfant
"'I'm sorry you feel that way,' is not an apology." - Michelle Chalfant
"When the person that you love keeps speaking to you like this, it wears you down." - Michelle Chalfant
"A gaslighter is the eternal victim." - Michelle Chalfant
"If someone is gaslighting you, stay in your own reality. Do not challenge them...you'll never win." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/
The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Previous Episode
301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It
Narcissism is such a buzzword these days...it can be tempting to throw the label at anyone in our lives who isn't healthy or who is a little bit full of themselves. While I love that psychology is so accessible and that the world has a lot more awareness of narcissism than in the past, it’s so important to understand what narcissism really is, so we can spot it and heal from it – whether you are in a relationship with a narcissist or believe you’re a narcissist yourself.
In this episode, I’m breaking down the core traits of narcissism (it’s more than just a big ego), the childhood wounding that leads to narcissism and the steps you can take to heal the painful effects of narcissism.
Listen to discover:
- What narcissism is
- The top traits of narcissism
- How narcissism forms
- How to spot narcissist red flags in a relationship
- Breaking down "love bombing," "gaslighting" and other common narcissistic tactics (with examples)
- How to heal if you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist
- How a narcissist can heal
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be incredibly painful. It’s often filled with emotional abuse and manipulation, put downs and a lack of empathy that can be incredibly confusing and damaging to our sense of self. If you’re experiencing any type of abuse in a relationship, get out!
At the same time, it’s important to remember we’re all human, and the narcissist is also in pain from deep childhood wounding that has caused them to cover up their true selves. With awareness, any of us can heal, and I hope this episode helps shed some light on the topic of narcissism and gives you practical tips for healing, whether you’re recovering from a relationship with a narcissist or have narcissistic traits yourself.
"Let's be really clear: true narcissism is a personality disorder." - Michelle Chalfant
"Narcissists can love, but they can't empathize. They can't feel their emotions, so how in the world are they supposed to connect to your emotions?" - Michelle Chalfant
"Narcissism is a mask." - Michelle Chalfant
"They inflate their sense of self to feel important in the world." - Michelle Chalfant
"At the root of both these narcissistic pathways is deep shame." - Michelle Chalfant
"The narcissist just wants admiration from you, and once they hook you, everything starts to change." - Michelle Chalfant
“You did not get into the relationship knowing what you know now. In a sense, you were tricked.” - Michelle Chalfant
“Anybody can heal that wants to heal. Anybody.” - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Adult Chair Podcast Episodes on Feeling Emotions https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/?sterm=emotions
The Adult Chair® Membership (February Theme: Crack your mask)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
Next Episode
303: The Anxiety Survival Guide with The Anxiety Sisters
Do you know what anxiety really feels like? I’m not talking about the emotions of fear or stress, but what it feels like in your body.
So many of us live with anxiety and don’t even know it because it’s SO physical. It’s even easy to mistake it for physical disease, like heart issues or digestive issues.
That was the case for Abbe Greenberg and Maggie Sarachek, two soul sisters who are both mental health professionals and the founders of Anxiety Sisters, a supportive community for those living with anxiety. Though they can now see how their anxiety began showing up in early childhood, for years, they bounced from doctor to doctor and even spent time in the hospital before realizing the root cause of their suffering was anxiety.
This began their passion to help raise awareness around anxiety and help anxiety sufferers learn how to live full, happy lives – anxiety and all. We had an incredible conversation about all things anxiety and how to heal it, and I resonated with so many parts of their story...these ladies are the real deal!
Listen to discover:
- Our stories of recognizing and healing anxiety
- How anxiety manifests as physical symptoms
- The power of acceptance in managing anxiety
- Why connection is key to healing anxiety
- How to pack a "spin kit" so you'll be prepared when anxiety strikes
- The difference between anxiety and a panic attack
- How to overcome phobias and agoraphobia
I know I have a lot of favorite topics, but anxiety is one I really feel we can't talk about enough. Too many people in the world are suffering from anxiety without even knowing it, and we have so many tools – from our support system to our sensory system – to help us find peace and balance in life.
It’s not about never feeling anxious again but learning how to find your own brand of happiness and how to take charge so anxiety no longer runs the show.
"I still didn't have the vocabulary or the words to make these connections of what I was feeling and how that was connected to anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek
"Anxiety becomes really debilitating when it's in the driver's seat." - Abbe Greenberg
"I think there is this process of accepting anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek
"Acceptance doesn't mean anything other than, 'This is where I am.’" - Michelle Chalfant
"Our brand of happy is anxious happy." - Abbe Greenberg
"Anxiety can no longer sneak up on you. And when it can't sneak up on you, it takes away two thirds of its power." - Abbe Greenberg
"No two people have the same exact anxiety and panic." - Michelle Chalfant
LINKS & RESOURCES
Anxiety Sisters Website
Anxiety Sisters Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/anxietysisters
*Home of a Tuesday night book club + supportive community
The Spin Cycle (Anxiety Sisters Podcast)
https://anxietysisters.com/podcasts/
"The Anxiety Sisters' Survival Guide" (Anxiety Sisters Book)
https://anxietysisters.com/anxiety-sisters-survival-guide/
Adult Chair® Coaches
https://theadultchair.com/coaches/
The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
MORE ADULT CHAIR
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
STAY CONNECTED
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
If you like this episode you’ll love
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