263: Finding your True Self with Dr. Shefali
05/20/21 • 38 min
1 Listener
The world around us demands so much of us. If we’re not careful, it can erode our souls, steal our true selves and get us to believe lies about the source of our worth. We have to become conscious and aware to step into our true power and a whole, awakened life.
I have been a huge fan of Dr. Shefali for years. I got SO much out of her work on conscious parenting when my kids were young, and it’s no wonder she’s become so well known for her work. But her new book might just be my favorite yet — I truly couldn’t put it down (it’s SO aligned with The Adult Chair®) — and I’m beyond thrilled to have her on the show to discuss how to have a radical (and beautiful) awakening in life.
In this conversation, we explore the way our ego and our social conditioning covers up the true self and keeps us from living free lives. This can be especially true for those oriented towards giving, nurturing and connecting. Society takes these gifts and trains us to be outward focused, seeking praise, validation and approval instead of turning inward and claiming who we really are.
Dr. Shefali shares her own story of awakening, when she realized that despite her work, she was living in the “matrix” and ignoring her true wants and needs to try to get love from others (what she calls the “beggar” mentality). By going deep into the often difficult work of looking at the ego and the masks we all wear, she was able to strip away the lies and see what was true — and step into the authentic self-love and self-care we all deserve.
Listen to discover:
- Shefali’s own radical awakening
- The trap women (and men) fall into
- How to stop suppressing the true self
- What soul erosion is and how it forms
- The “triple threat” women face in childhood
- The role of the ego in our life
- What keeps us from awakening (especially in our culture)
This is a profound conversation that will take the blinders off and change what you think is normal, while inspiring you to strive for what is truly possible for you — and for all of us.
“We, women especially, need to snap out of our chronic civility, helplessness and unworthiness.” - Dr. Shefali
“We cannot waste our life never discovering our true self.” - Dr. Shefali
“When we’re told we can only be given worth when we put others before ourselves, now that giving heart leads to an obliteration of ourselves.” - Dr. Shefali
“We’re so disconnected from our true self, we don’t know who we are at all.” - Michelle Chalfant
“The way out is in. We have to go in to heal.” - Michelle Chalfant
“I want what’s on the other side of that wall, but you got to go through the wall, and the wall is our pain.” - Michelle Chalfant
“We tell ourselves the greatest stories in the world, and we don’t know we’re telling ourselves stories.” - Dr. Shefali
“The greatest narcissism is to pretend you’re not a queen or a king and not own your voice.” - Dr. Shefali
Resources
“A Radical Awakening” Book and Course
Dr. Shefali Website
Free Inner Child Resource
https://theadultchair.com/innerchild
P&G Hair Food
Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart
More Adult Chair
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/
TAC Circles®
https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/
Stay Connected
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant
***
EPISODE CREDITS:
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozme...
The world around us demands so much of us. If we’re not careful, it can erode our souls, steal our true selves and get us to believe lies about the source of our worth. We have to become conscious and aware to step into our true power and a whole, awakened life.
I have been a huge fan of Dr. Shefali for years. I got SO much out of her work on conscious parenting when my kids were young, and it’s no wonder she’s become so well known for her work. But her new book might just be my favorite yet — I truly couldn’t put it down (it’s SO aligned with The Adult Chair®) — and I’m beyond thrilled to have her on the show to discuss how to have a radical (and beautiful) awakening in life.
In this conversation, we explore the way our ego and our social conditioning covers up the true self and keeps us from living free lives. This can be especially true for those oriented towards giving, nurturing and connecting. Society takes these gifts and trains us to be outward focused, seeking praise, validation and approval instead of turning inward and claiming who we really are.
Dr. Shefali shares her own story of awakening, when she realized that despite her work, she was living in the “matrix” and ignoring her true wants and needs to try to get love from others (what she calls the “beggar” mentality). By going deep into the often difficult work of looking at the ego and the masks we all wear, she was able to strip away the lies and see what was true — and step into the authentic self-love and self-care we all deserve.
Listen to discover:
- Shefali’s own radical awakening
- The trap women (and men) fall into
- How to stop suppressing the true self
- What soul erosion is and how it forms
- The “triple threat” women face in childhood
- The role of the ego in our life
- What keeps us from awakening (especially in our culture)
This is a profound conversation that will take the blinders off and change what you think is normal, while inspiring you to strive for what is truly possible for you — and for all of us.
“We, women especially, need to snap out of our chronic civility, helplessness and unworthiness.” - Dr. Shefali
“We cannot waste our life never discovering our true self.” - Dr. Shefali
“When we’re told we can only be given worth when we put others before ourselves, now that giving heart leads to an obliteration of ourselves.” - Dr. Shefali
“We’re so disconnected from our true self, we don’t know who we are at all.” - Michelle Chalfant
“The way out is in. We have to go in to heal.” - Michelle Chalfant
“I want what’s on the other side of that wall, but you got to go through the wall, and the wall is our pain.” - Michelle Chalfant
“We tell ourselves the greatest stories in the world, and we don’t know we’re telling ourselves stories.” - Dr. Shefali
“The greatest narcissism is to pretend you’re not a queen or a king and not own your voice.” - Dr. Shefali
Resources
“A Radical Awakening” Book and Course
Dr. Shefali Website
Free Inner Child Resource
https://theadultchair.com/innerchild
P&G Hair Food
Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart
More Adult Chair
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/
TAC Circles®
https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/
Stay Connected
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant
***
EPISODE CREDITS:
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozme...
Previous Episode
262: Transforming using The Adult Chair® with Susan Gorey
It takes courage to do our work and look at the stuff that scares us, and I believe we all need encouragement and inspiration along the way. And the story I have for you today is SO inspiring!
I got to know Susan Gorey as part of The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program. From the beginning, I could feel Susan’s strength and her fearlessness around speaking up for what she felt was right. But I also witnessed her unconsciously causing others to feel uncomfortable and unsafe around her. Susan called it putting off a feeling of “broken glass” — a sharpness or sense of conflict or that would sometimes come out in communication. During the certification program, she faced this “broken glass” and some of her deepest fears. This caused her to go through an incredible and fast transformation...and I know it’s real, because it’s stuck!
In this episode, Susan shares what it was like growing up in an environment filled with criticism and conflict and how that childhood wounding caused her to show up later in life — looking for love through masks, feeling like she had to be bold and strong and not always self-regulating her approach to conflict and relationships.
Then she shares how she used The Adult Chair and our work together to drop the cement suitcase she was carrying from childhood, go deep into the shadow beliefs she carried and transform from within so her wounding stopped running the show. This is a raw and real episode that shows what truly is possible on this journey of healing!
Listen to discover:
- Susan’s story of transformation using The Adult Chair model
- How she broke a generational cycle of criticism and judgment
- Her journey of dropping the cement suitcase and no longer living from her wounding
- How we worked together to bring an experiential shift into her life
- The changes she has seen in herself and her relationships since her transformation
At the end of the episode, I share a very special surprise for Susan that might leave you a little teary-eyed (at least she and I were!).
I love Susan’s story so much because it’s a beautiful example of how we don’t have to change who we are when we transform...we actually reveal who we really are. Susan’s strength and tenacity are beautiful qualities — and now she and everyone around her gets to experience them from her Adult self instead of the wounded self.
Doing our work isn’t easy, but as Susan shows, when we’re willing to go into the darkness and shadows and walk through them, we can stop living in them and instead find new life on the other side!
“We have to clean our slate...because we can only take people as far as we have gone.” - Michelle Chalfant
“I brought light to my shadowy areas.” - Susan Gorey
“We all live from our childhood wounding. We all get covered up. That true self gets covered up by all these masks.” - Michelle Chalfant
“In The Adult Chair, we become conscious of who we are and our wounding.” - Michelle Chalfant
“What I realized is my wounding, my childhood, my sadness and all of those masks...I didn’t have to carry it anymore.” - Susan Gorey
“We get signs of who we are all the time.” - Michelle Chalfant
“When we look at our stuff that scares us the most, we come out as transformed people.” - Michelle Chalfant
Resources
Susan Gorey Website
https://forwardtogethercoaching.com/
The Adult Chair® Membership (May Theme: “I Own.”)
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program
https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/
P&G Hair Food
Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart
More Adult Chair
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program
https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/
TAC Circles®
https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/
Stay Connected
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.fa...
Next Episode
264: Why Codependency Is Controlling & How To Heal It
Codependency is one of those issues that can often come across as selfless to those around us...in fact, it might even earn us praise because we seem so nice and helpful (although at our own expense).
But what if I told you that codependency was actually a form of control? This episode today was inspired by a very insightful question from one of our listeners who shared his realization that in his codependency, he was being unintentionally manipulative and controlling. He was showing up as the ever-helpful husband, but he was often doing this from a place of trying to get his own needs met (earning his wife’s love, support, etc.). Of course, this was not conscious, and once he had his awakening, he wanted to know how to move forward and learn how to be genuinely helpful and healthy.
Codependency is one of my favorite topics to talk about, and in this episode, I’m giving you five simple steps for what to do next when you find yourself asking, “I’m codependent. Now what?”
Listen to discover:
- How we improve our relationships with others when we’re codependent
- Why this is different than intentional or abusive control
- Five steps to break the pattern of codependency
- Why realizing you’re codependent isn’t a bad thing
If this is you, the first step is to drop the blame and shame. You weren’t trying to be manipulative; you were trying to survive based on what your programming told you to do. Once you realize this, you can step into a whole new chapter in your life...one filled with healthier relationships and a healthier connection to self!
“We’re controlling and being manipulative from an unconscious place.” - Michelle Chalfant
“We betray ourselves and change who we are in order to make sure other people outside of us are happy and peaceful. That’s how it’s manipulative and controlling.” - Michelle Chalfant
“We need someone who can fact check us.” - Michelle Chalfant
“That’s why so many codependents are so exhausted, because our energy is going out to others all day, every day.” - Michelle Chalfant
Resources
Other Podcast Episodes on Codependency
https://theadultchair.com/?s=codependency&pageName=default
The Adult Chair® Coaches
https://theadultchair.com/coaches
P&G Hair Food
Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart
More Adult Chair
The Adult Chair® Website
The Adult Chair® Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
The Adult Chair® Workshop
https://theadultchair.com/events/
The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/
TAC Circles®
https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/
Stay Connected
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/
The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant
***
EPISODE CREDITS:
If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.
He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.
Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com
If you like this episode you’ll love
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