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The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair - 253: Codependency and Anger with Michelle Farris

253: Codependency and Anger with Michelle Farris

03/11/21 • 46 min

1 Listener

The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

Those who struggle with codependency often struggle with anger as well...but not in the way you might think. Unlike ragers or those with explosive anger, codependents tend to stuff and suppress anger to please others and avoid conflict...often not even knowing what they’re feeling themselves. This is just as unhealthy!

We need anger to guide us towards our needs and connect us to our experience. Anger, when expressed in a healthy way, can also lead to healthier relationships as we begin telling others how we feel and resolving problems before they turn into resentment.

Today, I’m talking with Michelle Farris, a licensed psychotherapist and anger management specialist, who is sharing her experience of learning to own and communicate her anger. She talks about how codependency forms, why feeling our anger is important and how to begin overcoming the fear of conflict and expressing yourself in relationships.

Listen to discover:

  • Concrete examples of what people pleasing looks like
  • The importance of validating emotions
  • Beginning recovery from codependency
  • How to catch the first thought and regulate anger (while still owning it)
  • How to communicate your anger in a healthy way

Anger is such an important human emotion...I think of it as rocket fuel to propel us towards what we want. When we’re codependent and don’t know ourselves, anger can be a key way to tap into our core needs and desires. It’s not selfish to look inward...and what you tap into inside of yourself might surprise you.

"Whenever we hit a road bump, I always remember there's going to be a huge gift on the other side of that." - Michelle Farris

"Healthy anger is us owning how we feel in the moment." - Michelle Farris

"When we stuff our anger, we're denying our own experience." - Michelle Farris

"I think of anger as rocket fuel. It really helps to push us forward in life." - Michelle Chalfant

"We don't cross the finish and feel 100% healthy. We are all a work in progress. But the thing you want to be doing is making sure you're walking forward on your journey." - Michelle Chalfant

“As you get healthier, you will attract healthier people into your circle.” - Michelle Chalfant

Resources

Michelle Farris Website

https://www.counselingrecovery.com/

Michelle Farris Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/CounselingRecovery/

Michelle Farris Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/counseling_recovery/

Episode #11: Codependency: I’m Ok If You’re Ok

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/11-codependency-im-ok-if-youre-ok/

Episode #127: Codependency: Ending the Addiction to Help Others

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/127-codependency-ending-the-addiction-to-help-others/

Episode #172: The Joy of Codependency

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/172-the-joy-of-codependency/

TAC Circles

https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/

(Previously “TAC Gatherings”)

P&G Hair Food

https://hairfood.com/

Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart

More Adult Chair

The Adult Chair Website

https://theadultchair.com

The Adult Chair Membership

https://theadultchair.com/membership/

The Adult Chair Workshop

https://theadultchair.com/events/

The Adult Chair Coaching Certification

https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/

TAC Circles

https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/

(Previously “TAC Gatherings”)

Stay Connected

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/

The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: ...

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Those who struggle with codependency often struggle with anger as well...but not in the way you might think. Unlike ragers or those with explosive anger, codependents tend to stuff and suppress anger to please others and avoid conflict...often not even knowing what they’re feeling themselves. This is just as unhealthy!

We need anger to guide us towards our needs and connect us to our experience. Anger, when expressed in a healthy way, can also lead to healthier relationships as we begin telling others how we feel and resolving problems before they turn into resentment.

Today, I’m talking with Michelle Farris, a licensed psychotherapist and anger management specialist, who is sharing her experience of learning to own and communicate her anger. She talks about how codependency forms, why feeling our anger is important and how to begin overcoming the fear of conflict and expressing yourself in relationships.

Listen to discover:

  • Concrete examples of what people pleasing looks like
  • The importance of validating emotions
  • Beginning recovery from codependency
  • How to catch the first thought and regulate anger (while still owning it)
  • How to communicate your anger in a healthy way

Anger is such an important human emotion...I think of it as rocket fuel to propel us towards what we want. When we’re codependent and don’t know ourselves, anger can be a key way to tap into our core needs and desires. It’s not selfish to look inward...and what you tap into inside of yourself might surprise you.

"Whenever we hit a road bump, I always remember there's going to be a huge gift on the other side of that." - Michelle Farris

"Healthy anger is us owning how we feel in the moment." - Michelle Farris

"When we stuff our anger, we're denying our own experience." - Michelle Farris

"I think of anger as rocket fuel. It really helps to push us forward in life." - Michelle Chalfant

"We don't cross the finish and feel 100% healthy. We are all a work in progress. But the thing you want to be doing is making sure you're walking forward on your journey." - Michelle Chalfant

“As you get healthier, you will attract healthier people into your circle.” - Michelle Chalfant

Resources

Michelle Farris Website

https://www.counselingrecovery.com/

Michelle Farris Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/CounselingRecovery/

Michelle Farris Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/counseling_recovery/

Episode #11: Codependency: I’m Ok If You’re Ok

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/11-codependency-im-ok-if-youre-ok/

Episode #127: Codependency: Ending the Addiction to Help Others

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/127-codependency-ending-the-addiction-to-help-others/

Episode #172: The Joy of Codependency

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/172-the-joy-of-codependency/

TAC Circles

https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/

(Previously “TAC Gatherings”)

P&G Hair Food

https://hairfood.com/

Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart

More Adult Chair

The Adult Chair Website

https://theadultchair.com

The Adult Chair Membership

https://theadultchair.com/membership/

The Adult Chair Workshop

https://theadultchair.com/events/

The Adult Chair Coaching Certification

https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/

TAC Circles

https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/

(Previously “TAC Gatherings”)

Stay Connected

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/

The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: ...

Previous Episode

undefined - 252: Find Your Adult and Change Your Relationships

252: Find Your Adult and Change Your Relationships

Wow — I was blown away by the response to last week’s episode (#251) with my one and only, Graham Chalfant. It seems like so many could relate to our relationship dynamics and the learning and work we’ve done over the years...and so many of you also asked how we started doing the work and making changes in our relationship.

In this week’s episode, I’m focusing the conversation back on the self and how we can each choose to show up differently in our relationships from our Adult Chair. We can’t make anyone change, but if we think of relationships as a dance, we can change the way we’re dancing, which gives our partners the opportunity to shift and fall into step with us. This is true for all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones.

Listen to discover:

  • My story of changing the dance in my own marriage
  • How to change the tone of your relationship by doing your own work
  • Finding your self-worth and setting boundaries in relationships
  • How to be more open and relational

We all bring our wounds, expectations and “stuff” to a relationship. When we do our work, we not only transform our own lives but we change the tone of our relationships, inviting friends and partners who are a true match for us into a new way of relating to each other. Everything — including strong, connected relationships — starts within!

“If you want to change your relationship with anybody, you’ve gotta change the dance.” - Michelle Chalfant

“We are always attracting in other people based on our unconscious programming.” - Michelle Chalfant

“You’ve gotta see yourself as a very beautiful, precious diamond, and when you can see yourself like that, boundaries become more natural.” - Michelle Chalfant

“When you own your stuff, it sets you free.” - Michelle Chalfant

Resources

Episode #251: How Feeling Your Emotions Can Change Your Relationship with Graham Chalfant

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/251/

P&G Hair Food

https://hairfood.com/

Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart

TAC Circles

https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/

(Previously “TAC Gatherings”)

More Adult Chair

The Adult Chair Website

https://theadultchair.com

The Adult Chair Membership

https://theadultchair.com/membership/

The Adult Chair Workshop

https://theadultchair.com/events/

The Adult Chair Coaching Certification

https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/

TAC Circles

https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/

(Previously “TAC Gatherings”)

Stay Connected

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/

The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

***

EPISODE CREDITS:

If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.

Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Next Episode

undefined - 254: Change Your Life with Breath with Nevsah Karamehmet

254: Change Your Life with Breath with Nevsah Karamehmet

Would you believe me if I told you that 90% of unexplained illnesses could be traced to one simple thing...something you do every day? Believe it or not, they can, and that thing is breathing.

Studies have shown that hundreds of different ailments that can’t be traced back to a known cause can often be connected to dysfunctional breathing. The good news is that breathing is SO simple and easy to work with (all it takes is about five minutes a day), and in this episode, I’m interviewing the perfect person to help you get started.

Nevsah Karamehmet is a breathing expert and a wealth of knowledge on the science behind the breath and how it impacts every system in our bodies. In this episode, she shares how breathing affects our thinking and ability to process emotions, what healthy breathing really looks like and how to change your life through your breath.

Listen to discover:

  • The connection between breath and psychology
  • The science behind healthy breathing
  • How balancing the inhale and exhale balances the nervous system
  • Why breathwork is a great introduction to meditation
  • The connection between different types of breathing and different health issues
  • Simple exercises to help you start breathing better

I know what Nevsah is saying is true, because I’ve had this experience working with a personal trainer on my lower back. He connected my pain back to my breathing and has me doing breathwork to heal a physical issue. How much more is our breathing also affecting our thoughts, feelings and emotions every day?

Breath is the essence of life, so it’s absolutely something we need to learn how to do. Nevsah gives us a few really basic exercises to begin with that are SO easy and can make such a huge difference in our overall well-being. Every human needs to hear this episode!

“Breathing affects our psychology. The way we breathe affects how we think.” - Nevsah Karamehmet

“There is no correct way to breathe on the mechanical level...We all have different breathing habits. Some of those habits are helpful and some of those are harmful.” - Nevsah Karamehmet

“If your breathing is flexible, then you are healthy.” - Nevsah Karamehmet

“When we don’t stop the emotions, they pass through us.” - Michelle Chalfant

“In my breath journey, I became an Adult.” - Nevsah Karamehmet

Resources

Nevsah Karamehmet Website

https://www.nevsah.com/

Breath Coaching Federation

https://www.breathcoachingfederation.org/

Breath Hub App

https://breathhub.app/

Nadi Shadan Breathing Technique

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1jb7l2Uf7c

Belly Breath Technique

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9q9WTzqQTns&t=2s

TAC Circles

https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/

(Previously “TAC Gatherings”)

P&G Hair Food

https://hairfood.com/

Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart

More Adult Chair

The Adult Chair Website

https://theadultchair.com

The Adult Chair Membership

https://theadultchair.com/membership/

The Adult Chair Workshop

https://theadultchair.com/events/

The Adult Chair Coaching Certification

https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/

TAC Circles

https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/

(Previously “TAC Gatherings”)

Stay Connected

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/

The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

***

EPISODE CREDITS:

If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce p...

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