Shaunti Feldhahn: How Being Kind Benefits You More Than The Recipient
08/30/24 • 63 min
I really appreciate taking a topic where we think we know what drives us, and discovering the motives are actually coming from somewhere else. It allows us to come into better alignment and realize more benefit. In this case, the concept is kindness. We think we should be kind because it’s the right thing to do. And if we’re kind, then others will reciprocate and be kind to us in return. It’s usually under the “should” category of life. We “should” be kind. Especially to those we perceive as not so kind. Be kind to the person who cut you off in traffic. Be kind to the surly person behind the coffee counter. Be kind to your spouse who seems grumpy to you. When I’m interviewed on other podcasts, I’m often asked who some of my favorite guests have been or the most profound topics. I often cite Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a social researcher and best-selling author who investigates life-changing truths about relationships. I first got to know her through her book, “The Kindness Challenge – Thirty Days To Improve Any Relationship.” In it she uncovers that whether we thrive depends far more on how we choose to treat others than on how we ourselves are treated. The path to our happy place starts with one choice: whether or not to be kind. Especially when we really don’t want to be. The punchline? Being kind benefits us far more than who we choose to be kind to. I had this conversation with Shaunti nearly seven years ago and here I am still talking about it today. As I keep bringing her message back up, I’m re-publishing our talk so you can hear Shaunti’s full research. Find her at shaunti.com
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I really appreciate taking a topic where we think we know what drives us, and discovering the motives are actually coming from somewhere else. It allows us to come into better alignment and realize more benefit. In this case, the concept is kindness. We think we should be kind because it’s the right thing to do. And if we’re kind, then others will reciprocate and be kind to us in return. It’s usually under the “should” category of life. We “should” be kind. Especially to those we perceive as not so kind. Be kind to the person who cut you off in traffic. Be kind to the surly person behind the coffee counter. Be kind to your spouse who seems grumpy to you. When I’m interviewed on other podcasts, I’m often asked who some of my favorite guests have been or the most profound topics. I often cite Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a social researcher and best-selling author who investigates life-changing truths about relationships. I first got to know her through her book, “The Kindness Challenge – Thirty Days To Improve Any Relationship.” In it she uncovers that whether we thrive depends far more on how we choose to treat others than on how we ourselves are treated. The path to our happy place starts with one choice: whether or not to be kind. Especially when we really don’t want to be. The punchline? Being kind benefits us far more than who we choose to be kind to. I had this conversation with Shaunti nearly seven years ago and here I am still talking about it today. As I keep bringing her message back up, I’m re-publishing our talk so you can hear Shaunti’s full research. Find her at shaunti.com
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin
Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial.
Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.
Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin
Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout.
Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns
Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount
Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Previous Episode
Who You Are Is A Myth: You Are Who You Are Becoming
We spend our childhood being labeled as to who we are. Then we continue into adulthood thinking of ourselves as who we are, like we are a fixed object. And yet when we look back to ourselves five or ten or 15 years ago, we often hardly recognize or remember that person. We have this concept of finding and figuring ourselves out. Anything that is growing, changes. While there may be some continuity in how you look and how you tend to think, who you are today will be incredibly different in the years to come. Understanding this helps you be more adaptive to change and have more openness in your existence.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin
Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial.
Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.
Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin
Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout.
Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns
Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount
Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU.
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Next Episode
Jamil Zaki: Reject Easy Cynicism And Evolve To Wise & Hopeful Skepticism
If you look at social media influencers, news headlines and commentary, late night TV hosts and a high percentage of the so called informed public, you find a consistent thread of cynicism. Cynicism is a general distrust and lack of faith or hope in humanity and it’s gotten to be viewed as clever and intelligent to take a cynical view of life, and naive to be hopeful and optimistic. My guest today has found opposing data. Dr. Jamil Zaki is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab. He trained at Columbia and Harvard, studying empathy and kindness in the human brain and his interest is in how we can learn to connect better. You won’t find Jamil much on social media, as his years have been spent teaching at Stanford and studying humanity and he’s put his findings in a brand new book titled, Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness. Jamil attests that is in fact cynicism that is naive and relates it to a trail lawyer who ignores half the evidence. Jamil says, “Cynicism is not a radical worldview, it’s the status quo. The norm. It’s the “common man” and it’s a seductive worldview that is dark and simple. He says this with an educated and compassionate spirit, as you’ll hear, and does not call for blind trust but rather, hopeful skepticism where we practice an open mind with discernment and constructive faith. Find Jamil at ssnl.stanford.edu
Find Jamil's book, Hope For Cynics, and more about Jamil at https://www.jamil-zaki.com/.
Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].
Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin
Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial.
Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.
Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/kevin
Get 20% off any AquaTru purifier today! Visit AquaTru.com and enter code "KEVIN" at checkout.
Go to Quince.com/drives for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns
Go to cozyearth.com/driven and use code DRIVEN for an exclusive 40% discount
Join thousands of parents who trust Fabric to protect their family. Apply in minutes at meetfabric.com/WHATDRIVESYOU.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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