The Kevin Miller Podcast

#974: If you’ve seen the Matrix you remember the spark of the entire movie, when Neo takes the blue pill and he ends up in the construct of what he’s shown is a made up world. Inside here he sees himself dressed a certain way and is told he’s seeing himself as his residual self-image. And there you go. We all have this image of ourselves we believe is simply who we are. It’s our default mode and this is where we generally live unless something significant happens in our lives. Victor Serebriakoff (Sara bria koff) was labeled a dunce at 16 by a teacher and lived the next decade or more believing this, until a job test showed he was a genius, so be believed that too and went on to have many patents and serve as president of the Mensa society. We tend to be what others have said we are and what we’ve agreed with. Unfortunately most of us will never have someone say we are a dunce or a genius and we’ll just go along being…whatever. It’s up to us to claim what we can be and start seeing ourselves differently. This was the message from my previous episode, #973, with Anthony Trucks, and in this episode Tom Ziglar and I talk through it. I actually asked our listeners this question, “Thinking of a primary goal or two you have...can you actually see yourself there? Can you envision yourself as the person in that new reality? Or are you just going after it anyway? Examples: Making that much money, owning and running a business owner, being at that weight, etc...?” This question got very few responses compared to the boatload we often receive. Why? I believe it’s because we don't’ take the time and give focus to our desires for progress, in regards to envisioning ourselves there. And thus we often don’t make…much progress. Thus, why we give it focus today.

We continue our series on Happierness which we kicked off with Atlantic columnist and Harvard Professor, Arthur Brooks. Arthur’s new book with Oprah Winfrey is called Build The Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier. This issue of happiness is significant to me for two reasons: 1) happiness is such a hot topic because we as a culture are not finding ourselves...happy, and 2) I feel we are mostly dealing with the symptoms regarding happiness and not the root issues. To dig further into what I feel are root issues, I have with me...Jared Angaza. Jared is a strategist, activist, and storyteller behind many influential brands and campaigns. And he’s my brother and business partner and someone who I ponder the topics of drive and motive and meaning with...a lot

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*This podcast is rated clean but the subject matter is adult themed and may not be suitable or relevant for children or those with fragile belief systems.

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In this episode I’m looking at a concept that may be far more effective for motivating us than goal setting. There was a study that showed 80% of people are more motivated by problem solving than goals. What is a problem to consider? Dying. Imagine if you knew you had one year to live? What would you want to do? What would you stop doing? What would matter and what would not? After my recent conversation with celebrated death doula, Alua Arthur, I’m looking at replacing my annual goal setting with annual death planning. Thinking about it honestly feels more orienting and motivating. And after the recent death of my father, it feels radically responsible to my family as well.

Hey, got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected]

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Ernest Hemingway is famously cited as saying, “Write drunk, edit sober.” Amongst the writing community this is an oft quoted statement and frequently depicted in film and story. Trouble is, Hemmingway didn’t say it. In this episode I’m back with one of my favorite all-time authors, Donald Miller, and we’re talking about his habits. One he shared was stopping the nightly beer. While he appreciates it, his best writing time is in the morning and he feels the alcohol, even a little, slightly compromises his work. That right there is the essence of good habits, when we have a reason big enough for us to make the healthier decision. If you are struggling to keep up a desired habit, obviously your motive isn’t clear. This is an interesting show, as Donald is the open, honest, and introspective guy that made his memoirs sell millions of copies. We cover vices, heroes on a mission, mindset, the benefit of not knowing any better, and him considering if he has an obsessive compulsive disorder in relation to tacos. To help your habits, Don invited us to visit heroonamission.com where he provides a life plan and daily planner course.

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I really appreciate taking a topic where we think we know what drives us, and discovering the motives are actually coming from somewhere else. It allows us to come into better alignment and realize more benefit. In this case, the concept is kindness. We think we should be kind because it’s the right thing to do. And if we’re kind, then others will reciprocate and be kind to us in return. It’s usually under the “should” category of life. We “should” be kind. Especially to those we perceive as not so kind. Be kind to the person who cut you off in traffic. Be kind to the surly person behind the coffee counter. Be kind to your spouse who seems grumpy to you. When I’m interviewed on other podcasts, I’m often asked who some of my favorite guests have been or the most profound topics. I often cite Shaunti Feldhahn. Shaunti is a social researcher and best-selling author who investigates life-changing truths about relationships. I first got to know her through her book, “The Kindness Challenge – Thirty Days To Improve Any Relationship.” In it she uncovers that whether we thrive depends far more on how we choose to treat others than on how we ourselves are treated. The path to our happy place starts with one choice: whether or not to be kind. Especially when we really don’t want to be. The punchline? Being kind benefits us far more than who we choose to be kind to. I had this conversation with Shaunti nearly seven years ago and here I am still talking about it today. As I keep bringing her message back up, I’m re-publishing our talk so you can hear Shaunti’s full research. Find her at shaunti.com

Got a comment or question about an episode? Want to ask a question about your drive? Email me. I don’t want to just talk to you here, I want to talk with you. [email protected].

Sign up for a $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin

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Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club and today you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/kevin to take advantage of this exclusive offer.

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