The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

09/06/22 • 32 min

Loneliness is a far more common and far more serious problem than we think. It affects one in five Americans, and takes a toll on our bodies and minds. To thrive we need to several types of social interactions - both casual and more intimate.

With the help of US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy; Harvard Divinity School fellow Casper ter Kuile; and friendship expert Marisa Franco; Dr Laurie Santos looks at how loneliness might be affecting you or someone you know, and what science-back steps you can take to increase your circle of friends.

For further reading:

Vivek Murthy - Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World.

Marisa Franco - Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends as an Adult.

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09/06/22 • 32 min

4 Listeners

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos - The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult

Transcript Summary

In this compelling episode on "The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult," we delve into the pervasive issue of loneliness and the importance of actively nurturing friendships. With the decline in friendship networks over the past 30 years, making connections requires intentional effort rather than waiting for them to happen organically. We often underestimate how much others like us, leading to social anxiety and avoidance. Overcoming this, engaging with people, and sharing vulnerability can pave the way to stronger friendships. Building nourishing relationships reduces loneliness, improves overall health and happiness, and even decreases the risk of diseases like heart disease and dementia. We explore the different types of loneliness, including intimate, relational, and collective, and discuss how activities like joining a gym or participating in non-religious communities can address collective loneliness. Through shared texts like books or movies, a sense of community and shared values can be fostered. The episode also features the inspiring journey of Vice Admiral Vivek H. Murphy, MD, former Surgeon General of the United States, who experienced loneliness as a child and now works to address loneliness as a public health issue. This episode unveils the hidden impact of loneliness, the risks it poses to our well-being, and provides practical insights on how to forge meaningful connections and combat loneliness in our modern lives. Don't miss out on this thought-provoking conversation that challenges societal norms and sheds light on the secret to making friends as an adult.

Transcript

Speaker 100:00:15.435

Pushkin. It's Miami in the nineteen eighties, inside a local elementary school, and one of the students, Vivek, is feeling out of place. He's new to the city, new to the country even and he's experiencing something that many of us are at least a little familiar with. Vivek is feeling lonely. Experiencing loneliness had very much to do with shyness, and I was actually not deeply introverted. I wanted to spend time with other people, but I was real

The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult Top Questions Answered

How can I fight loneliness as an adult?

Loneliness can be fought by engaging in collective community activities, such as attending concerts or sharing a meal with others.

Why have friendship networks been shrinking over the past thirty years?

Friendship networks have been shrinking over the past thirty years, possibly leading to a lack of new friendships, with many people reporting not having made a new friend in the past five years.

Is making friends something that happens organically?

Making friends requires initiative and intentionality and is not something that typically happens organically.

How can I overcome anxiety and the liking gap to connect with new people?

Overcoming anxiety and the liking gap are important steps in connecting with new people and making friends.

How can vulnerability strengthen friendships?

Vulnerability and sharing intimate struggles can actually strengthen friendships and make others feel more connected to us.

Why is building nourishing relationships important for health and happiness?

Building nourishing relationships takes time and effort, but the benefits for our health and happiness are significant.

Why did Vivek feel lonely as a student?

Vivek felt lonely as a new student in a local elementary school in Miami during the 1980s, possibly due to shyness and difficulty making friends.

What are the consequences of loneliness?

Loneliness is associated with increased risks of heart disease, dementia, depression, anxiety, and fragmented sleep. A meta-analysis found that people with strong social bonds were 50% less likely to die than those with fewer social connections.