06 | How to Be Smart, Hot & Fearless at 45 with Tracy Tutor

Join me, Dr. Sarah Milken, in an open conversation about how you can have it all, but not physically do it all . How does a more fair and equal distribution of household and family duties sound? What household activities would you want to trade? Do you prefer dishwasher duties? Weekend laundry or weekend soccer duty? Our special podcast guest, Eve Rodsky and two of her biggest champions, Reese Witherspoon and Arianna Huffington say yes to all of this! It’s happening!

The invitation from our guest, Eve Rodsky, is for us all to ask ourselves what we would do if we had more time and space to reclaim & fewer household chores & obligations? With this Harvard Law graduate and organizational management expert and we are diving deep. This New York Times best selling author is Reese Witherspoon’s x Hello Sunshine’s book pick with her book, Fair Play - A Game Changing Solution For When You Have Too Much to do (and more life to live). Eve is creating a change movement in how we view women’s time...

She created the “Shit I Do” list by gathering hundreds of women’s daily to do lists from dishes to dog groomer appointments... to reading school emails. This was used to exemplify the time consuming work (invisible work) that women do to keep a family functioning. Spouses and partners are often unaware of the infinite tasks in a day. From this Sh*t I Do list, the Fair Play book and deck of cards was born.

Get your golden shit shovels ready as we uncover the golden nuggets and secret sauce to create fair and equal households with the expert herself, Eve Rodsky. We find the sweet spot in learning to create more equally distributed family and household workload schedules for all members... moms, women and even dads who can’t be responsible for everything.

In this episode, we learn how Eve’s personal experience shaped the way that she understands and views household dynamics. We chat about how her husband’s “you forgot the blueberries?” text ignited her movement, hence creating the framework for Fair Play. She talks about how growing up in a single mother household changed the way that she views the work that mothers do, and how it changed the way that she views the distribution of work in two-parent households.

Eve teaches us that our time is not infinite, and we should treat our time as diamonds - something so many of us have never done. Women’s time is equal to men’s time. Since women’s time is typically valued less than men’s time, and they are often left with a never ending to-do list, women often lose what Eve calls unicorn space - the time where we can go and invest time and energy in our passions, uninterrupted.

This isn’t the time where you get a massage or watch your favorite tv show, but the time where you can actually pursue something you love. Women have lost the “right to be interesting”...they are occupied with the worries of their homes, children and spouses. Eve shines a spotlight and gives us the necessary reminder that we are important, interesting and valuable as well - an idea that we often lose in our households and children.

Eve gives us many tools to start communicating with our partners to recreate our households and strengthen our families, relationships and marriages. She walks us through how to re-evaluate all the tasks and chores that we do in the house, and how to communicate with our partner to restructure our time. She even teaches us how to take back our unicorn space, so we can rediscover our unique identities. She asks the important questions: Who am I now? Who was I? What makes me happy?

After listening to this episode, you will be able to better communicate with your partner, rediscover your unique identity and make time for more “unicorn space” - all while strengthening your relationships and family.

So men, and women, listen up if you want more sex and less nagging.

Some highlights:

• You can have it all, but not do it all
• Eve uses her Harvard law and organizational management degree lens to create a more equally distributed family and household workload for all members
• How Eve’s childhood shaped her understanding of family dynamics
• Eve explains her viral “Sh*t I do List” aka invisible work and emotional labor that women are faced with
• How this “Sh*t I Do” turned into her best selling Fair Play book
• What is unicorn space?
• The sense of identity loss for women in their midlife
• How unicorn time helps to recreate identity in your second half of life
• Do you have permission to be unavailable?
• How to get household management organized in 20 minutes a week

Golden Nuggets from the episode:

• All time is created equal. Men’s time is equal to women’s time
• Everyone’s time is diamonds, not sand
• Find your unicorn space
• Give yourself permission to be unavailab...