How to find inner strength when faced with your new caregiver reality

07/22/21 • 41 min

Mary Wyatt was faced with huge adversity and a new normal on 11/7/20 when her husband had a seizure and then she heard the words Grade 4 GBM which in layman's terms is an aggressive cancer that starts in the brain. In my interview with Mary she shares her story, her challenges and ways she is dealing with the harsh reality of her husband’s cancer.

I know you can relate to Mary’s story of trying to balance work and caring for you loved one as well as trying to work through your emotions and taking care of yourself.

One more thing, I had Mary fill out a questionnaire prior to the interview and wanted to share what she wrote when asked her the question:
What have you learned about yourself as a caregiver?
She wrote: That I am a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for, that I was made with grit. I am resilient, courageous and am driven with a heart so big that has passion to share my testimony so maybe just maybe it can help another young woman out there see she never had to go it alone.
In the interview today Mary has an amazing ability to communicate her story oftrue inspiration. As you listen, we want you to reflect on:

“How are you finding your inner strength?”

“ How are you asking for help?” and accepting it?

“Who are you surrounding yourself with?”
You can find Mary at
https://www.facebook.com/MaryAWyattCertifiedHealthCoach

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💌 Want more inspiration, information, and a deeper connection? Join the Caregiver Cup Community Newsletter for my weekly email filled with support and encouragement.

Get my free resource: 17 Shifts To Reduce CAREGIVER STRESS & Say Good-bye To CAREGIVER BURNOUT

Send Cathy a text:)

I know you can relate to Mary’s story of trying to balance work and caring for you loved one as well as trying to work through your emotions and taking care of yourself.

“How are you finding your inner strength?”

“ How are you asking for help?” and accepting it?

“Who are you surrounding yourself with?”
You can find Mary at
https://www.facebook.com/MaryAWyattCertifiedHealthCoach

Support the show

💌 Want more inspiration, information, and a deeper connection? Join the Caregiver Cup Community Newsletter for my weekly email filled with support and encouragement.

Get my free resource: 17 Shifts To Reduce CAREGIVER STRESS & Say Good-bye To CAREGIVER BURNOUT

Previous Episode

Have you wished you could get off the caregiver train?

Send Cathy a text:)

We're talking about the hard days, the days when you want to throw in the towel, those days when you just want to quit being a caregiver. As caregivers, you're navigating unbelievably complex and time-consuming situations.

You're faced with the grimmest challenges

Your loved one is sick and you can’t fix it
Your loved one is not the same person anymore
All your focus is on them, their symptoms and pains
You’re the caregiver advocate
You’re holding up the home and family
You’re dealing with finances and work
Then add your own emotions/feelings onto that

How many times have you wished you could get off the caregiving train? It’s not fun. It’s a huge sacrifice. Your heart is telling you to keep going but your mind and body are tapped and the pressure and exhaustion becomes too much.

First, rid yourself of feeling guilty, embarrassed or shame. You're human and it’s normal to wish things would just go away. There’s no greater drain than holding yourself to unrealistic expectations or that picture of the perfect, committed caregiver.

This caregiving journey isn’t short term, usually it’s a very long term journey. You have to relook at your expectations of yourself and what you commit to. You can’t hold up to a commitment and sacrifice that you originally thought you could.

What can you give up.

You’re the CEO of a really complicated enterprise. Successful CEOs are constantly re-evaluating their priorities every year, every month, every week and every day to figure out what’s most important. They delegate or let go of everything else. They know that otherwise they’d be ineffective.

Sit down and make a list of all the things you CAN give up; and all of things you could offload to other people. Be ruthless. Be strategic.

Ask for help
Take breaks often
Prioritize your health
Consider when it’s time for your Loved One to get help
Consider talking to a professional

When you say “ I’m so tired of being a caregiver” or “ I can’t do this anymore”, it’s time to take a step back and really look at yourself, your loved one and your situation.

It’s important to NOT put your negative thoughts away. It’s not going to help you to brush them aside. You need to process through these.

When we constantly focus on the positives of caregiving, we undermine the challenges. In many cases, caregiving may also actually be damaging your health.

Caregiving can also breed resentment, especially if you’re the only family member involved in the process. You may also find that you have had to put your own dreams aside.

Think about where you are at in your caregiving journey? How are those tough days and challenges affecting you?
Get the THREE STAGES OF CAREGIVER OVERWHELM. If you are burning out? It’s time to take a hard look at you and your situation.

You need to look for solutions. Get creative and try different things until you find the right solutions that fits you and your loved one.

Support the show

💌 Want more inspiration, information, and a deeper connection? Join the Caregiver Cup Community Newsletter for my weekly email filled with support and encouragement.

Get my free resource: 17 Shifts To Reduce CAREGIVER STRESS & Say Good-bye To CAREGIVER BURNOUT

Next Episode

Ways To Release Unnecessary Caregiver Worry

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One of the biggest things caregivers are good at is worry.

What if Dad doesn’t take is heart medicine?
What if we can’t find a kidney donor for my husband?
What if the CT scan shows growth?
What if I can’t get refinancing for our home to a lower rate because my partner is not employed?

These concerns are legitimate and serious, but constant worry is stressful and will wear you down.

Too much worry can create anxiety, stop you from the easiest of problem solving and can cause tension in relationships.Are you an excessive worrier? Perhaps you unconsciously think that if you "worry enough," you can prevent bad things from happening. But the fact is, worrying can affect the body in ways that may surprise you. When worrying becomes excessive, it can lead to feelings of high anxiety and even cause you to be physically ill.
But being completely worry-free is unrealistic. What is realistic is taking steps to reduce and release some of those worries.
Ways to turn those worries into a productive way of thinking and working through what to do when that worry comes into your thoughts:

Ask yourself, why am I worrying? Occasional stress and anxiety is a normal part of life. You might worry about things like health, money, or family problems. But people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) feel extremely worried or feel nervous about these and other things—even when there is little or no reason to worry about them.
Get your thoughts and worries on paper. Write all your caregiving worries down on paper. Yes, all of them. Just writing things down helps you let go of some of the worries you’ve bottled up. Seeing your thoughts in black and white can give you a better perspective and help you identify the specific things you’re concerned about.
Separate productive vs. unproductive worries. Caregivers have both productive and unproductive worries. An unproductive worry is something we have no control over, like the fact that your mom’s health is declining. A productive worry is something where you can do something to improve the situation. For example, if you’re worried that your dad will fall in the house, you can declutter and make safety updates to reduce the risk of falling.
Ask “what’s the worst that could happen?” Tackle a worry head-on and ask yourself “what’s the worst that could happen if this worry came true?” Then, think about what you would do if it does happen. Preparing for a situation can reduce the power that worry has over you.

Worry is a negative thinking pattern that can be contributing to your anxiety symptoms. Negative thinking tends to be a learned habit that can impact your mood and anxiety. Since negative thinking typically develops over time, it can be unlearned and replaced with more positive views.

Identify you caregiver stress and anxiety by getting my FREE resources called THE THREE STAGES OF CAREGIVER OVERWHELM at https://www.cathylvan.com/caregiverstress

Support the show

💌 Want more inspiration, information, and a deeper connection? Join the Caregiver Cup Community Newsletter for my weekly email filled with support and encouragement.

Get my free resource: 17 Shifts To Reduce CAREGIVER STRESS & Say Good-bye To CAREGIVER BURNOUT