Why That Deep Cut Inside Has a Name - Shame

05/10/25 • 33 min

Shame—we all feel it, but few of us understand its profound impact on our lives and relationships. In this eye-opening episode, Dr. Chris introduces us to the critical distinction between healthy shame (a natural emotional boundary) and toxic shame (the devastating belief that we are fundamentally flawed and unworthy of connection).
Drawing from John Bradshaw's groundbreaking work and her own expertise working with teen mothers, Dr. Chris reveals how toxic shame first emerges within the family system through three key dynamics: growing up with a shame-based parent, experiencing abandonment, or enduring repeated violence and abuse. For teen mothers, this pre-existing shame is often intensified by societal judgment during pregnancy, creating layers of emotional wounding that affect their ability to parent effectively.
The statistics Dr. Chris shares are staggering: up to 82% of teen mothers report disturbing memories from stressful past experiences, 79% feel depressed or hopeless, and a heartbreaking 61% have had thoughts about self-harm. These numbers aren't just data points—they reflect the lived reality of thousands of young women carrying the burden of toxic shame.
But there's profound hope in this message. Dr. Chris vulnerably shares her own journey with toxic shame, including her recent realization about how perfectionism has been her hiding place. Through her story of raising her son as a single mother—and the beautiful validation she recently received from a community elder—we glimpse what healing looks like when we confront our shame and find supportive communities where we can be our authentic selves.
This episode is the first in a powerful five-part series designed to help teen mothers and women who were teen mothers recognize, expose, and ultimately heal the toxic shame that has kept them bound. Whether you're a teen mother, someone who works with young parents, or simply someone struggling with feelings of unworthiness, this conversation offers the compassionate understanding and practical wisdom needed to begin the journey toward emotional freedom.
Connect with us at teammomsA.org or on social media @TeenMomsAnonymous to join our supportive community and continue your healing journey.

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Previous Episode

Why Every Teen Mom Needs to Understand the Difference Between Healthy and Toxic Shame

Shame can be a powerful force in our lives, especially for teen mothers who face unique challenges and societal judgment. But what if there's a difference between healthy shame that guides us and toxic shame that defines us?
In this introduction to our groundbreaking five-part series, "Healing the Shame that Binds You," Dr. Chris explores the crucial distinction that can transform your parenting journey. Healthy shame serves as a natural boundary, reminding us that we're human with limits—not gods. It's perfectly normal and helps us recognize when we need support. Toxic shame, however, convinces us that we're fundamentally flawed and unworthy of love.
The origins of toxic shame run deep. Children aren't born with shame; it develops through family interactions, particularly with primary caregivers. Dr. Chris examines three pathways that create toxic shame in childhood: emotionally wounded caregivers, parental abandonment, and repeated exposure to shaming experiences like abuse or domestic violence. Understanding these origins is the first step toward breaking the cycle with your own children.
Drawing inspiration from John Bradshaw's pioneering work, Healing the Shame that Binds You, this series offers more than just analysis—it provides a roadmap to healing. By addressing your emotional wounds, you'll be better equipped to nurture your child's healthy emotional development, preventing the transmission of toxic shame to the next generation. Each episode builds toward practical strategies for transformation, helping you move from shame-based parenting to connection-based nurturing.
Ready to transform your relationship with shame and become the emotionally healthy parent your child deserves? Subscribe now to ensure you don't miss any part of this life-changing series, and join our community of teen moms supporting each other through the healing journey.

Visit teammomsA.org or follow us on social media @TeenMomsAnonymous to access additional resources and connect with others walking the same path.

Next Episode

The Mask We Wear: Understanding Trauma's Impact on Teen Mothers

Trauma changes us in profound ways, forcing our true selves into hiding while protective mechanisms take over. In this powerful second installment of our "Healing the Shame that Binds You" series, Dr. Chris explores the automatic defense mechanisms that emerge when we face severe threats, particularly sexual and physical abuse.

Drawing from John Bradshaw's groundbreaking work, this episode delves into two critical defense mechanisms: disassociation and the development of a false self. When trauma becomes unbearable, disassociation allows victims to mentally "leave" during the experience—a lifesaving but costly survival strategy. Meanwhile, toxic shame forces us to hide our authentic selves behind carefully constructed masks, creating false personas to protect our vulnerable inner child.

Through beautiful recitations of Paul Laurence Dunbar's poems "We Wear the Mask" and "Sympathy," Dr. Chris illuminates the profound pain of hiding one's true nature and the universal longing for authenticity. She shares personal experiences of witnessing violence as a child and how disassociation protected her psyche from unbearable trauma, offering listeners a window into how these protective mechanisms function.

Most importantly, this episode charts a path toward healing. By bringing shame out of hiding in safe, non-judgmental environments, we begin to dismantle its power. Whether through therapy, support groups, or recovery programs, finding communities where we can authentically share our experiences is essential for reclaiming our true selves.

For teen mothers and those who became mothers in their teens, especially survivors of violence and abuse, understanding these defense mechanisms offers a crucial step toward emotional wellness.

Subscribe to our podcast, blog, follow us on social media @TeenMomsAnonymous, or visit teammomsaorg to connect with resources that can support your healing journey.

Teen Moms Anonymous - Why That Deep Cut Inside Has a Name - Shame

Transcript

Speaker 100:00:25.315

Everyone thanks for tuning into our Teen Moms Anonymous podcast . We are a podcast for teen moms and adult mothers who were teen moms , especially those who survived violence and abuse . Our focus is on emotional health and wellness , because we know that emotionally healthy mothers are better equipped to nurture the emotional development of their children . I'm your host , dr Chris St