Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers - Ep 147: Dedicated, Purposeful Teens

Ep 147: Dedicated, Purposeful Teens

07/18/21 • 28 min

Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Pete Davis, author of Dedicated, speaks to us about the power of commitment in an age of infinite options. Plus, what to say to a teen trying everything to gain status.

Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Full show notes

Some teens just don’t want to commit to anything! They go to one lacrosse team practice but quickly lose interest, quit piano lessons when the songs get difficult and avoid debate team meetings after school...even though they signed up for the whole year! As a parent, it can be frustrating to watch them shrug off any kind of obligation. You know getting involved in activities will help them gain new skills and make friends. So how can you get them to see how valuable commitments can be?

The truth is that kids these days are stuck in browsing mode. With so many distractions, it’s hard for them to focus on one thing. And even when they find something they care about, society tells them not to settle, not to get tied down, not to stick with anything that isn’t their “perfect” calling. But if we can help kids understand just how rewarding it is to find a lasting passion or commit to a craft, we can guide them towards a brighter, happier future.

This week, we’re talking to Pete Davis, author of Dedicated: The Case for Commitment in the Age of Infinite Browsing. Pete spoke at Harvard University’s 2018 graduation ceremony about the value of being committed to something meaningful. Since then, the video of his speech has been viewed over 30 million times! His inspiring message about dedication might be just what your teen needs to hear.

Pete and I dive into the power of commitment in this week’s episode. We cover the importance of helping teens find a craft, discuss why kids should give up on the notion of finding their “calling”, and explain how it can be valuable for young adults to pick something and stick to it! If you want to help your kid find a fulfilling future but don’t quite know what advice to give, you won’t want to miss this episode!

The Importance of Getting Involved

We know that playing football keeps teens in shape and learning the guitar allows kids to play their favorite songs...but these benefits are just the tip of the iceberg. Teens can gain so much from finding a craft they love and committing to it. In the episode, Pete and I chat about how hobbies and extracurriculars help teens learn to take feedback, persevere through difficulties, and find community.

Pete and I talk about his time playing the piano as an example. From the age of 5 to 13, he worked with the same piano teacher, constantly improving his playing along the way. By committing to one mentor and one activity for so long, Pete was able to track his progress, see his evolution and create strong connections to both his teacher and other students. By the time he stopped taking lessons at 18, he experienced what he describes as one of life’s greatest pleasures: looking back and understanding the beauty of the journey.

Pursuits like painting and baseball are about so much more than just winning games or getting into galleries, says Pete. They empower teens by showing them that they’re capable of greatness! Plus, they teach kids that there are forces bigger than themselves that they can contribute to and feel good about. These lessons will help them head into adult life with confidence and purpose.

In addition, crafts help teens find heroes and mentors who encourage them to strive for excellence. Along with his amazing piano teacher, Pete was constantly encouraged by idols: famous folks who’d accomplished extraordinary feats. He advises parents to indulge in a teen’s interest in prominent figures, as it will allow teens to see how greatness is achieved. If your teen is into filmmaking and fosters a love for Steven Spielberg, it might be a good idea to get them a Spielberg biography!

Sometimes however, even when teens have an inkling about what they like to do, they’re not quite ready to commit. They fear choosing the wrong thing, wonder if they’ll regret their decision, fuss over what others think. This indecisiveness can lead teens to a state of analysis paralysis, where they just sort of do...nothing! Pete and I delve into how we can prevent teens from getting stuck in this space, what he calls the “menu screen of life.”

How Commitment Cultivates Passion

Our society tells young people that they shouldn’t settle for less than the perfect pursuit. Teens are told that they need to hold out for a flawless opportunity, the thing that ignites the fireworks of their passion without any drawbacks! Now, it’s pretty obvious ...

Pete Davis, author of Dedicated, speaks to us about the power of commitment in an age of infinite options. Plus, what to say to a teen trying everything to gain status.

Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Full show notes

The Importance of Getting Involved

How Commitment Cultivates Passion

Previous Episode

Ep 146: How AI Impacts Our Teens

John Zerilli, PhD, author of A Citizen’s Guide to Artificial Intelligence, clues us in on how AI is affecting us right now and what it means for our teens and families. Plus, John’s prediction for when AI could take over--and what skills teens should hone in preparation.

Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Full show notes

Our kids are growing up in a world where technology is expanding at a mind blowing pace! Every year they find themselves with shiny new social media apps, ten new video games that they HAVE to play, and fancy devices that are so much cooler than what came out last year. As a parent you may feel unsure about the best way to raise your teens in this tech-filled world. How can you get them to put down their phone and focus on college apps? Or even just go outside and get a little exercise?

While all this tech can be a distraction, it can also be pretty dangerous. There are some pretty frightening parts of the online landscape! Kids might accidentally find themselves entrenched in a hate group or engaged in dark, fringe content. Not to mention that as coders and computer experts become better and better at programming artificial intelligence, teens might find their future jobs at risk–or even experience prejudice as a result of robotic resume readers!

How is that all possible, you ask? John Zerilli, AI expert and this week’s guest, is here to tell us. He’s a research fellow at the University of Cambridge, and the author of A Citizen’s Guide to Artificial Intelligence. John predicts that in the coming years, AI is poised to infiltrate every area of our lives. He believes everyone has a right to be educated about it! He's here today to chat about how we can guide our teens through the coming technological revolution and ensure that they have bright and prosperous futures.

In today’s interview, we’re discussing how we can make cyberspace a safer place for kids. We’re also talking about how the job market is changing as AI grows in relevance and explains how racial and gender biases can be perpetuated by computer programs. So stick around, because you're not going to want to miss out on all this fascinating tech talk!

Setting Rules for Safe Browsing

For young people with curious minds, a simple visit to Youtube or Facebook can sometimes end in a bad place. Although they might not seek out damaging material, the algorithms on these websites can often act as a rabbit hole, John explains. Teens can find themselves pulled deeper and deeper into something dark just because it might pique interest or fascination. As they click, they get further from where they started and more engrossed into Q-Anon conspiracies, pornography or even racially offensive content.

Luckily, there are ways we can combat this. John and I emphasize the value of setting rules and guidelines for kids’ internet use so they don’t find themselves spiraling into harmful stuff. In the episode, we dive deeper into how we can help teens create these boundaries for safer internet use. We also talk about how important it can be to have conversations with kids about thinking critically when they consume content. John explained how we can guide them to shift through the material and separate the truth from the fiction.

When encouraging teens to think about the way they interact online, John also recommends talking to them about the “Echo Chamber”. This is a common trap social media users fall into, where they only interact with content that reinforces their own biases and viewpoints. You may have seen how this phenomenon affects adults, especially when it comes to politics! Teens can be just as vulnerable to this effect, if not more so, so John says it’s important to chat with them about being open minded before they find themselves unable to even consider other viewpoints besides their own.

Another place where the expansion of tech causes some questions and concerns from worried parents is the future job market. Are there going to be less opportunities when things become more automated? Are there more careers in tech spaces as computers become more powerful? What can we do to ensure our kids will thrive in a future driven by robotics?

Coming of Age in the Digital Age

Although many people are worried that automation will wreak havoc on the job market, John says that there’s no cause for concern just yet. We’re still far from a future of robot butlers and flying cars.

John explains that there are two kinds of AI: weak and strong. Weak AI is what we use in our daily lives, programs like Siri or Alexa, or the algorithm on Amazon whi...

Next Episode

Ep 148: The Biggest Financial Decision of Their Lives

Dr. Beth Akers, author of Making College Pay and an economist, takes a cold hard look with Andy at what the data says about “investing” in college. What’s more important: choice of major or choice of college?

Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

Full show notes

Deciding on a college is one of the biggest decisions teens will make in their lives. There are so many factors to consider. How big are the classes? Will they be able to make connections in their chosen field? What do the dorms look like? With so many different schools and so many majors, finding the right fit can feel impossible.

But there’s one aspect of the college search we don’t always talk about, even though it’s arguably the most important of all: the finances. We’re often so focused on helping young adults find a place that feels right or looks beautiful that we neglect to dive deep into how we’re going to foot the bill, in the present and down the line, in the case of loans.

And even if we do find a way to pay, we often don’t pause to consider whether the degree we’re paying for is going to deliver a return on investment! This is especially true for those of us who are taking out loans. If we’re going to be in debt, it’s wise to know if and when we’ll eventually be able to pay it off.

To really wrap our heads around college finances, we’re talking to Beth Akers, author of Making College Pay: An Economist Explains How to Make a Smart Bet on Higher Education. Beth is a resident scholar at the American Enterprise Institute and an expert in the economics of labor and higher education. She believes that everyone should have access to comprehensive financial information about college, so they can avoid making a decision they regret.

In our interview, we’re breaking down why we often don’t talk about the financial aspects of choosing a college. We're also talking about how a student’s major affects their future prospects, and revealing a smarter way to go about taking out loans. If you’re searching for the best way to educate your kids without breaking the bank, this episode is for you!

Changing the College Conversation

When it comes to picking a school, we often encourage young people to follow their heart, and do what feels right. We romanticize the idea of finding a school that’s the perfect fit, a place they’ll fall in love with where they’ll have the time of their lives. And while it’s important to consider this sentimental side of college, we tend to completely ignore the practical side: how much it will cost, how it’s going to get paid for and if it’s really a sound financial decision!

In fact, when Beth traveled to college campuses and quizzed students on how much they were spending on tuition...most of them didn’t know! Beth believes this is why so many people get stuck with an unpayable amount of debt after they graduate, because they didn’t figure out a plan before jumping in. Although it would be nice if we could romanticize college and see it as a purely emotional journey, the reality is that college is expensive! For most people, figuring out how to afford their degree should be a hot topic of conversation, not an afterthought, says Beth.

When it comes down to it, college is often the biggest financial event of a person’s life, other than maybe buying a house! So why don’t we talk about it in the same light as paying off a mortgage?? In the episode, Beth and I break down why it is that we focus on prestigious names or pretty campuses instead of payment plans. Interestingly, social media can play a role, says Beth, as students want to show off their enrollment at a shiny private school...even if it’s going to put them in debt for the rest of their lives!

Although picking a school definitely matters, Beth explains in the episode that salaries after college actually depend a lot more on the graduate’s major than their chosen college. She and I get into how your student’s course of study factors into the financial risk of attendance.

Making the Most of a Major

Picking a major is never an easy process. Kids often find themselves torn between their passion and a more practical choice. Beth’s goal is to simply give the financial data on what graduates of different majors earn, not to necessarily tell students what major to choose. In her book, she outlines which majors are financially lucrative and which ones aren’t quite so promising. Beth advises parents and teens to use this information to decide whether or not they’ll be able to pay back loans after they get their diploma.

Beth also explains that we tend to paint with broad stro...