Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit, explains how parents can identify when their teens are bullshitting and how to raise teens who critically evaluate the information they encounter.

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Full Show Notes

As teenagers grow and seek more independence, they can sometimes wield sophisticated tactics to avoid responsibility or twist the truth to their advantage. This behavior, often dubbed “bullshitting,” can make the challenging task of parenting even more complex. But how can parents distinguish between harmless exaggerations, outright lies, and simple bullshit?

In today’s fast-paced and information-saturated world, parents must not only navigate their teen's emerging independence but also teach them to identify and resist bullshit from other sources. Teens today are bombarded with information from social media, peers, and other influences, making it crucial for them to develop robust critical thinking skills. But how can we ensure that they are equipped to navigate this complex landscape effectively?

Enter John Petrocelli, author of The Life Changing Science of Detecting Bullshit. John is not just a researcher but an expert who has delved deeply into the concept of bullshit, differentiating it from lying and studying its impacts on individuals and society. With over a decade of empirical research under his belt, John’s work provides invaluable insights into how parents can better detect bullshit and teach their teens to be critical thinkers.

Understanding Bullshit

John introduces us to the nuances that differentiate bullshitting from lying. While both bullshitting and lying involve deception, the bullshitter often doesn't care about the truth—they aim to sound knowledgeable or impressive irrespective of the facts. This indifference towards the truth can have severe implications, influencing our beliefs, memories, and critical decisions.

John shares fascinating findings from his research, including how people are more prone to bullshit when they believe their audience lacks expertise or won’t scrutinize their claims. This is where parents can start: by fostering an environment where claims are questioned and critical thinking is actively encouraged.

Why Bullshit Matters

Many parents might underestimate the significance of their teen’s bullshit, thinking it’s benign or non-malicious. However, John highlights how unchecked bullshit can cloud judgment, lead to poor decision-making, and have lasting negative impacts. It’s essential for parents to stay vigilant and model skepticism, not to erode trust, but to nurture an atmosphere where truth and logical evaluation are paramount.

Teaching Critical Thinking

In the episode, John shares actionable tips for parents to encourage their teens to become critical thinkers:

• Ask Questions: Encourage teens to think through claims by asking them, “Is that true?” or “Why might that be incorrect?”
• Model Skepticism: Show by example how to question information and sources without being cynical.
• Create a Safe Space: Allow your teen to discuss their ideas and beliefs openly, ensuring they understand it’s okay to be wrong as long as they’re committed to finding the truth.

John also emphasizes the importance of teaching teens to recognize their own susceptibilities to bullshit, which can come from a desire to fit in, sound knowledgeable, or alleviate awkwardness. By making critical thinking a fun and engaging activity, parents can help teens sharpen their bullshit detection skills without feeling attacked or dismissed.

Tackling External Bullshit

Teens today are also vulnerable to external bullshit from influencers, social media, and even certain educational resources. John encourages parents to:

• Discuss Case Studies: Go through dubious claims seen on social media together and break down why they might be misleading or false.
• Encourage Fact-Checking: Teach teens how to verify facts, check sources, and look for credible evidence before accepting claims as true.

Daily Practice

To make critical thinking an integral part of daily life, John suggests engaging in exercises that involve scrutinizing everyday statements and testing claims. This can start with simple issues—like evaluating advertising claims—and build up to more complex discussions, such as analyzing political statements or media reports.

In the Episode...

John and I explore a host of additional topics, including:

• Why experts aren’t always right
• How to ...

Shane Trotter, author of Setting the Bar, sits down with us to discuss how our technology-obsessed, individualistic culture might be holding our teens back from reaching their full potential.

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Full show notes

Times are changing—and so are teens. The introduction of technology to each aspect of everyday life has fundamentally altered the way teens act, think, and experience the world. Our education system is not the same as it was 20 years ago, and it’s shaping our teens dramatically. Our culture has changed, pushing teens to become more individualistic than ever before. For better or for worse, growing up has become an entirely different experience than the one many of us are familiar with.

For kids, this new world has benefits...but also serious drawbacks. Young people are more connected than ever. They’ve got comforts and conveniences that we never could have dreamt of in our teen years. But rates of teen depression and anxiety are skyrocketing, and many kids feel like they aren’t prepared for the brutal reality of adulthood! For parents watching the world change, it can be nerve-wracking to wonder how we’ll help teens manage.

To understand how our kids can navigate it all, we’re talking to Shane Trotter, author of Setting the Bar: Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Era of Distraction, Dependency, and Entitlement. As an educator, writer and parent himself, Shane has found himself observing some seriously concerning behavior from teens–behavior he feels is motivated by the forces of our evolving world. Today, he’s helping us see how we can give kids a fighting chance at a successful life!

In our interview, we’re discussing the fierce individualism of our modern culture, and its effects on growing teens. We’re also discussing bullying, and the surprising reasons why Shane thinks we shouldn’t stop it from happening. Plus, we’re covering where our school system is missing its chance to truly prepare teens for the world ahead.

The Issue of Individualism

We want kids to be their best selves...but what happens when self-improvement becomes self obsession? Shane believes many teens are headed down this path–not because they're inherently selfish, but because our culture puts self-interest above all else! Social media constantly bombards teens with advertisements and influencers telling teens they NEED to get the newest clothes or try the trendiest fitness craze. Over time, teens can become so consumed by consumerism that they turn a blind eye to the possibility of helping others.

But serving others is often the key to happiness, says Shane. Although material gain or changes to our appearance might help us feel good about ourselves, working towards a greater purpose is ultimately the way to a happy existence, he explains. Teens today run the risk of living unfulfilled lives, especially if we are constantly encouraging them to strive only for their own happiness, says Shane. In the episode, Shane and I talk further about encouraging our kids to work towards the betterment of others.

In our discussion about culture, Shane and I also touch on the difference between honor cultures and dignity cultures. Honor cultures push people towards accomplishment, he explains, by rewarding them for their achievements. In a world full of easy digital rewards and distractions, encouraging teens to seek true accomplishment can have a lot of benefits. However, Shane also acknowledges the toxicity of pushing kids towards constant achievement. We also discuss the positive attributes of dignity culture–believing every human has intrinsic value and dignity without needing to prove it. In our interview, we’re talking about how we can take the best parts of each to create balance.

As our culture and technology has evolved, one particular issue that’s taken center stage is bullying–whether it’s online or IRL. Interestingly, Shane doesn’t believe bullying is always a bad thing.

The Surprising Truth About Bullying

We’ve been working towards ending bullying in schools for quite a while...but what is bullying, exactly? Is it physical, verbal or digital? Is a fight between two students bullying? What if it’s an anonymous online post? The lack of subjectivity in defining what bullying really is can be a big problem, says Shane. As we crack down more and more on bullying, our definition of it becomes increasingly lenient, to the point where we might consider any kid to be a bully, Shane explains.

And being marked as a bully can be pretty harmful. Most of the time, kids who are harsh to others at school are behaving this way as a result of patterns in their home life. Instead of labeling kids as ...

Chris and Holly Santillo, authors of Resilience Parenting, shed light on raising teens who persevere. They’re sharing how teens can balance independence and connectedness, and what we can do to model resiliency for our kids.

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!

Full show notes

The road in front of our teens is a rocky one. They’re heading into adulthood in the midst of a pandemic, trying to figure out what they want to do and who they want to be. They’re attempting to find independence, but also curate new relationships. There’s no shortage of obstacles in their path–if they want to get through, they’ll have to know how to persevere. They’ll have to be resilient.

But how can we as parents help them get there? Turns out, there’s a lot we can do! And it starts with being resilient ourselves. If we show kids that we can bounce back from our mistakes, they’ll know that they’re capable of it too. Then, when it’s time to step out into the world, they won’t come running back home scared. They’ll know how to roll with the punches, think on their feet, and get up when life knocks them down!

To understand how we can model resilience for our kids, we’re talking to Chris and Holly Santillo, authors of Resilience Parenting: Raising Resilient Children in an Era of Detachment and Dependence. These two have decades of experience both raising and working with kids. Together, they own and operate a martial arts studio, and Holly leads a childrens’ choir. Plus they’ve traveled all over the world with their three kids, and learned quite a bit about resilience along the way.

In this episode, Chris, Holly and I are talking about the ways parents can teach perseverance by example. Plus, we’re discussing the importance of service, and explaining how teens can become independent without sacrificing their connections to others.

How Parents Can Promote Perseverance

Although we’ve been around quite a bit longer than our kids, we still find ourselves facing plenty of challenges. We have to keep learning and growing everyday! Our teens are handling all the craziness of puberty, first love and fears of the future. It can be reassuring to remind them they’re not the only ones who are still figuring it all out, say Chris and Holly. Chris explains in the episode that pretending to be perfect only hurts our children, because it makes them feel as though they can’t make mistakes themselves!

Holly and Chris explain that when kids fail for the first time, they begin to think of themselves as losers or failures. It can be really tough to convince them otherwise! Chris and Holly recommend reminding them that failure is not a person, it’s an event! Just because they mess up once, or even ten times, doesn’t mean they can’t bounce back. Holly emphasizes the value of being vulnerable with kids about your own failures. Did you also struggle with a class in high school? Or find yourself unlucky in love? Sharing these experiences with your kids can help them push through.

Holly reminds us that we can model not only resilience for our kids, but integrity as well. When kids see parents doing the right thing, they know to follow suit. But kids aren’t necessarily going to notice, says Holly, so it can be impactful to point out when we display integrity. That way kids don’t miss it! When we lend something to a neighbor or volunteer to help the vulnerable, we can explain to kids why we’re doing what we’re doing. This guides them to see the importance of doing good. In the episode, Holly, Chris and I discuss how we can talk about our virtuous actions without just bragging about our selflessness!

Beyond just setting an example, service to others can be a very positive part of life for both teens and parents! Chris Holly and I dive deeper into this in our interview.

Helping Ourselves By Helping Others

Serving those in need is a great way to give back, but it can also give us something in return! Chris, Holly and I discuss how there are so many benefits for teens who take part in volunteering and community service. Not only does it lift their spirits, it also helps them meet people, socialize, and create a network. This web of social support is something that Chris and Holly believe is essential for remaining resilient.

This service doesn’t necessarily have to be in a soup kitchen! Contributing to the well-being of others takes many forms, Holly and Chris explain. In our interview, Holly demonstrates this idea with a story. She recently helped her mother-in-law hang up some photographs, something her mother-in-law couldn’t do alone. The experience took Holly’s time and effort but also brought them closer together and made her in-laws happy...

David Allen, the author of "Getting Things Done", one of the best-selling business books of all time, explains how to get teens excited and motivated about their goals and productive as they pursue those goals. If you have a "lazy" teenager, you won't want to miss this one.

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Full show notes

If your child isn’t living up to their full potential because they waste too much time on distractions, just imagine how much harder life will be when they have to manage adult responsibilities! Teens today must content with YouTube, Facebook, and other social media platforms that constantly vie for their attention. Activities like sports practice, club meetings, school applications, study time, and more can really add up. Fortunately, though, having a busy schedule prevent you from dealing with lazy teenagers if your teens learn how to manage their schedules effectively.

Teens with an abundance of hobbies and responsibilities have more opportunities to explore their interests. However, it can be difficult to distinguish distractions from tasks that are worth pursuing. When teens get confused by this distinction, they may neglect their responsibilities and are often written off as being immature or lazy. And stress and distress for teenagers is on the rise, which can take away their motivation to complete even basic tasks.

Without the right approach to balancing their workload, kids become easily overwhelmed in their developmental years and leave their parents dealing with lazy teenagers. First, they start staying up late at night doing work and might skip a few homework assignments to get some sleep. But poor time-management practices can easily snowball into a reoccurring bad habit. Without a dependable initiative to reach their goals, your child could resort to shutting down. They might even lose their vocation.

To better understand dealing with lazy teenagers and boost their productivity, I spoke with David Allen, founder of the Getting Things Done (GTD) methodology and author of Getting Things Done for Teens: Take Control of Your Life in a Distracting World. Here, he’s teamed up with two terrific co-authors and a handful of graphic designers to make his powerful productivity method more accessible to lazy teens.

Imagine taking all the time-management skills you’ve learned through trials as an adult and apply it to a modern-day teenager’s perspective. That’s exactly what David has done here. HIs book has sold over a million copies, and its predecessor (geared towards adults) has sold 1.6 million copies, making him one of the most sought-after mentors for parents, teachers, and business owners.

In this interview, David runs me through the super simple five-step method developed in his book for dealing with lazy teenagers. It’s shockingly easy to follow for such a robust system!

To navigate the pressure of being overscheduled and overworked, David explains that dealing with lazy teenagers involves getting the stress (literally) out of the brain. Basically, it’s the practice of pushing information outside your brain so things don’t get so chaotic and overwhelming inside your brain. This allows teens to focus on what they’re doing without having to think too much about failing the test they’re studying for or being judged too harshly during their upcoming presentation. Here’s how it works:

The first step in the GTD method is to immediately capture any incoming ideas or actionable thoughts that catch your attention. It could be that you have to send an email to a teacher, or you just remembered that movie recommendation you were supposed to look into. The point is, you need to get the idea out of your head and write it down so you don’t have to think about it anymore. This way the thought won’t distract you while you’re working on your current task. This is great tactic for dealing with lazy teenagers.

By being present and making good moment to moment choices, teens can create time for the fun things they want to do. That’s why this first step is so valuable. Anyone can get bogged down without sufficient motivation to complete a task, but if your interests influence what you’re doing in the moment, you’re more likely to pursue the task with increased enthusiasm.

According to David, dealing with lazy teenagers isn’t about magically getting your teen excited to do something they hate. It’s about how to help them figure out what they really want to be doing. If teens are able to organize their workload into manageable pieces, they’ll be able to get things done expeditiously.

Let’s say your teen is interested in host...

Kate Lund, author of Bounce, joins us to explain how teens can face obstacles and practice resilience when life gets tough. We also discuss the importance of stress management, goal setting and trying new things.

If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review!

Full show notes

Your teen might have the perfect life plan–become class president, get a basketball scholarship, and go to the medical school of their dreams. But no matter how put-together your teen is, they’re likely to encounter plenty of obstacles on the road to success. They might not make the school basketball team at all, or maybe they’ll receive a rejection letter from the college they swore they’d go to

If teens let these challenges bring them down, they might not reach the future they’ve envisioned. But if they’re resilient enough to push past hardships, they may find that all of their dreams are entirely possible!

Building resilience is no easy task, however. That’s why we’re talking to Kate Lund, author of Bounce: Help Your Child Build Resilience and Thrive In School, Sports and Life. Kate is a psychologist and life coach with over 15 years of experience helping people of all ages overcome hardship.

In our interview, Kate and I are discussing how teens can gain resilience from learning to manage their emotions. We're also talking about how teens can stay motivated, and why teens need confidence and courage if they want to strive for greatness.

Modeling Emotional Management

There’s no shortage of frustrating situations in life, especially for teens who are still figuring it all out. When things go wrong, teens tend to get stressed–and how they deal with this stress makes all the difference, Kate says.

In order to find resilience, teens have to master stress management, she explains. When teens manage their stress properly by exercising, painting, or spending time with friends, they’re able to remain even-keeled and calm most of the time, explains Kate. But when they let their stress run free, any triggering situation can put them over the top and cause them to melt down. By scheduling time to regularly de-stress, teens can stay grounded when challenges arise.

To help teens gain emotional management skills, try modeling them yourself, Kate suggests. When you're dealing with something frustrating or overwhelming, you shouldn’t hide this from teens, she explains. Letting teens see your negative emotions can remind them that stress is totally normal. When kids see parents handling their emotions in healthy ways, they'll be reassured that they’re capable of the same, says Kate.

Another way parents can model healthy emotional habits is by practicing kindness in a visible way. When anger or sadness go unmanaged, these emotions can lead us to become unkind to those in our lives, says Kate. Showing teens that we’re capable of being kind to anyone, no matter their beliefs or opinions, is an incredibly powerful way of modeling emotional management, she says.

If kids are truly striving for resilience, they’ll have to keep their motivation going, no matter what obstacles are in their path. In the episode, we’re talking about how teens can stay motivated through any challenges they might face.

Motivation and Goal Setting

To maintain motivation, Kate recommends that kids set attainable goals. They might have a grand goal of getting into their dream school, but they’ve got to have smaller goals along the way if they want to stay motivated, she says. Their first goal might be getting all the necessary letters of recommendation by a certain date, and their second goal might be finishing their essays in time for early admission. Reaching these small goals helps teens feel accomplished, which in turn motivates them to keep going.

Sometimes parents push teens to pursue activities that teens just don’t seem to care about. This might be because we don’t want kids to be quitters or because we have our own selfish interest in the activity. This can cause kids’ motivation to stall out. Instead, Kate recommends that you encourage teens to pursue what they actually enjoy, letting their natural motivation take over. As a parent, you can help kids stay motivated by encouraging them to follow their passions.

What if your teen doesn’t feel motivated to achieve anything? Kate says you should give unmotivated teens time to figure out where they want to direct their energy. Not every teen moves at the same speed, she explains. She suggests that both parents and teens remain open to new experiences and connections through their teenage years and even into young adulthood. We never know what might inspire us, and teens shouldn’t hold themselves back from the possibility of finding their spark.