Redefining purpose through writing

06/02/21 • 45 min

Ilene shared her journey as a 7-year metastatic breast cancer endurer and how picking up the pen and paper to write again has, in more ways than one, helped her continue to live beyond the statistics.

Ilene's blog is called Cancerbus
You can find her on Twitter @ilenealizah
You can find out more about the wonderful retreat she went to at the Commonweal Retreat Center
She also mentioned the book The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully by Frank Ostaseski and the podcast On Being.

Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer endurers, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly to me by visiting my Instagram page or email me at [email protected].
Thank you for listening!
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My reflections on the episode:
We covered so many big and small topics during our conversation, but there were two things that really stuck with me even after the recording.
First, it was so powerful to hear Ilene explain how defining herself as a writer helped her live. I myself appreciate how therapeutic writing can be - I’ve actually done some journaling to process my dad’s death before I started this podcast - but what Ilene explained was way more profound because it wasn’t just about writing being therapeutic, but that it gave her a new identity which led her to make connections, build community, and find opportunities to give back. I know Ilene prefers to be called a cancer endurer, but that to me is thriving.
Second, I was so struck by what Ilene’s husband referred to as the “longest goodbye.” I even said so during the recording but couldn’t quite put into words on the spot what I was reacting to. So I reached out after to see if I can get Craig to share what he meant, and this is what he wrote back in an email:
“I live with the uncertainty of waiting for her health to deteriorate and ultimately when she won’t be with me anymore. It’s hard to watch the person you love and who’s your partner go through so much pain and so many treatments only to ultimately have them fail her. It’s also difficult to make future plans any further out than a few weeks. It’s as though she is packing for a trip without me, but may never return.”
I’ve never met Craig, but it’s as if he was explaining what it was like for me to say goodbye to my dad.

Ilene's blog is called Cancerbus
You can find her on Twitter @ilenealizah
You can find out more about the wonderful retreat she went to at the Commonweal Retreat Center
She also mentioned the book The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully by Frank Ostaseski and the podcast On Being.

Previous Episode

Don't try to fix everything

Dori helps us understand why open communication is so important when a family member is living with an incurable diagnosis and how she’s been working hard to be fully transparent and honoring the needs of her husband and children on their journey with cancer.
I’m super appreciative of the personal reflections Dori shared in this conversation. At the core, her message has been so consistent, which is that open communication is so important for families navigating the cancer journey. She demonstrated this beautifully with her children by being completely transparent about what was happening, checked in on how they were feeling, and gave them a choice about how they wanted to be involved.
What was even more amazing was that she had explicitly given her husband the permission to do as he wished, even if that meant not to continue living. I can’t imagine what courage and love it took for her to have that conversation. She also brought so much humility by admitting that even though she did give him permission, it doesn’t mean that there aren’t moments of real struggle still.
I was also glad that she pointed out how caregivers can sometimes get lost during the journey - not just because we often don’t prioritize taking care of our own needs, but it can feel like it’s our responsibility to fix everything, usually making sure that the patient is eating “right”. This unfortunately becomes an added source of stress for the patient at a time when they should be focused on relaxing and healing.
Crises like cancer can amplify existing relationship dynamics in a negative way so it’s important for caregivers to assess if the patterns in our relationships are really serving the patient, or if somehow, our own needs got in the way.
You can find more information about Dori’s work as a functional health practitioner at https://www.dorimartin.com/.
She also referenced the book Radical Remission by Kelly A . Turner.
Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly to me by visiting my Instagram page or email me at [email protected].

Thank you for listening!

Next Episode

Fight for your joy

Alicia described the ways in which faith has shaped her dad’s outlook and experience with end-of-life and why the last six weeks of his life were both the best and the hardest.
Want to share your story about your cancer journey as a survivor, caregiver, or family member? Get in touch with me!
Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show? Contact me on Instagram or email me at [email protected].
Please follow the podcast if you enjoy the show. I would also really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.
Thank you for listening!
++++++++++++
My reflections on the episode:
I had thought this conversation with Alicia would be a bit teary because we both had gone through the end-of-life process with our dads relatively recently. But it didn’t turn out to be that way because her dad had faith to lean on during his journey with cancer, which gave him the wisdom to let go of control and continued to find joy even when there was very little time left. It was a very powerful example of how faith can lift us up in the most challenging times.
On the other hand, Alicia has such vivid memories of her dad - I loved the way she described the images in her mind for the listeners - like the way she would wake up in the morning to find her dad finishing bible studies or watching him watering plants without shoes on. Talking about those memories always brought a smile to her face and it made me realize what an incredible gift her dad had given her. Because of the way he was able to find joy even in the toughest moments, it allows Alicia to also find joy when thinking about this very challenging period of their lives.