Talk About Cancer

Stacey shared her experience being a three-time cancer survivor and how the recurring adversity makes her strong and propels her to take the learnings from her own experience to help others recover. She also talks about how the phrase “cancer prevention” just doesn’t sit right with her and why her cancer experience does not conform to the typical Lifetime movie plotline.
I so enjoyed talking with Stacey about her cancer journey. For someone who has had to go through the cancer experience three times already at such a young age, plus losing family members to cancer, her attitude about life is incredibly admirable. It’s also very inspiring to hear about how she channels the hardships she experienced to help others, and in turn, draws strength from giving back.
A few thoughts about our conversation:
She explained why the term cancer “prevention” can be problematic by inadvertently placing blame on survivors. I never thought about it that way before but as soon as she mentioned it, I knew it to be true just based on my past conversations with other survivors. Her message about not beating yourself up is so important because more often than not, it is not in our control.
It was also interesting to hear her call out the fact that the media’s portrayal of cancer can be rather one-dimensional and the reality of how each person reacts to the treatments can vary a lot. Cancer treatment for the most common types of cancer has improved significantly in the last few decades to become more effective and targeted, which allows patients to have a better quality of life.
I know I was very grateful when we found that my dad’s first targeted therapy didn’t interfere with his life too much. Although that did change when he proceeded on to the second, third, and fourth lines of treatment.
Please subscribe if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to my Instagram page or email me at [email protected].

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Michelle shared a lovely story about how her whole family came together to share the caregiving responsibilities when her dad’s health started to decline. And how they worked as an incredible team to support their dad and stepmom in the most difficult times, as well as each other through their grieving process.
Listening to Michelle’s story really warmed my heart. There were similarities in our experiences with our dads’ declines but I was so blown away by the way her whole family came together to support one another and made the experience better and more manageable for everyone. It was also really amazing to hear about the way they are continuing to support one another during their grieving process, and they are going about it in a way that gives each person space to work through things in their own way and on their own time.
One thing that I would like to call out is that sometimes people think the grieving process only starts after your loved ones die, but it often starts way before that point. For many, we experience grief each time a change happens - whether that’s weight loss, having a harder time walking, or experiencing chemo brain. Obviously, these types of changes hit the patients the hardest but caregivers experience grief in their own way as well as somewhat helpless bystanders, which in truth is one of the hardest parts of being a caregiver - is that feeling of not being able to help lessen the suffering your loved one is experiencing.
The other thing that stood out was Michelle’s conversation with her dad - how she told him that he didn’t have to keep fighting for the family. This stood out to me because I so often hear patients say that the one thing they fear the most is what is going to happen to the family members they leave behind. So I thought it was so courageous for Michelle to have had that candid conversation with her dad because it gave him the permission to prioritize his own needs in the time he had left. I never said the same thing to my dad because I assumed he wanted to keep fighting for himself, but lately, I’ve been wondering if that assumption was true just based on what I have been hearing from other patients.
You can find Michelle at https://breatheandbe.net/. She offers many great services and resources for people practicing faith, like meditation, yoga, and journaling.
Please subscribe to the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer patients, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to my Instagram page or email me at [email protected].

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Rudy shared his experience as a brain cancer endurer, about how he learned to embrace new ways to live his life, and identifying a greater purpose that has kept him going beyond two “expiration” dates. He also helped me understand why the term cancer “survivor” is not a universally welcomed label.
I had a lot of fun talking to Rudy. His mind goes a mile a minute and we covered so many topics in this episode. I appreciated that he very gently called out the fact that he doesn’t like the label cancer “survivor” and it made me wonder why I was so oblivious to the debate about all the different terminologies. But I quickly realized it was because my dad was not a native English speaker and so he didn’t really think of himself in those terms. I use the term “survivor” because it seems to be the most common term used by well-known cancer organizations, but from now on, I will ask each guest what they would prefer to be called, although I still haven’t figured out what to do with my website?!
The other thing Rudy mentioned that stuck with me was about the normalization of death. As he becomes one of the lucky ones to survive beyond his “expiration” dates - which obviously is a positive thing - he also has to deal with the grief of surviving those who were so important to him on his cancer journey. This again is an example of how complex the emotional experience is for people living with cancer and it’s so important for everyone to find ways to take care of their mental health through all the ups and downs.
You can find Rudy on:

Twitter: @fschmnn

Brain Cancer Diaries

• Youtube: https://braincancerdiaries.com
• Instagram: @braincancerdiaries
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BrainCancerDiaries/

Guys with cancer podcast

• Website: https://guyswithcancer.com
• Instagram: @guyswithcancer
• Twitter: @guyswithcancer
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/guyswithcancer

Please subscribe to the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to my Instagram page or email me at [email protected].

Thank you for listening!

Jason reflected on his experience of losing his dad as a child and how the cultural norms of the Vietnamese culture shaped his experience of grief and mourning. We also explore what he is doing differently as an adult now that he has had some time to reflect on his earlier experience.
It was so interesting to listen to Jason reflect on his experience of grief as a child and what his perspective is now as an adult. I especially admire the way he was able to reflect on his experience in a non-judgmental way. Because sometimes we can fall into the spiral of regret when it comes to losing a loved one - thinking back over the things we should have said, could have done differently - and just beat ourselves up. So I love that he is at a place where he is accepting of what has happened but also moving forward in a way that better serves his emotional needs while in grief.
One thing he said that really humbled me, which was that - while it’s really hard to lose someone you love to cancer, and to anything really, the emotions you feel also means that you’ve had a meaningful relationship with that person, and that is something beautiful to be thankful for. I also loved what he said about keeping his grandmother “near” after death by embracing all the emotions he’s experiencing now from her passing. It is something that’s been surfacing for me lately, which is how to continue to remember my dad and honor his life as time continues to pass. I feel grateful that in listening to Jason’s reflections, it helped me realize that what I am doing with this podcast IS my way of continuing to remember and honor my dad.
That’s a wrap for today. Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly with me by visiting my Instagram page or email me at [email protected].

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Ilene shared her journey as a 7-year metastatic breast cancer endurer and how picking up the pen and paper to write again has, in more ways than one, helped her continue to live beyond the statistics.

• Ilene's blog is called Cancerbus
• You can find her on Twitter @ilenealizah
• You can find out more about the wonderful retreat she went to at the Commonweal Retreat Center
• She also mentioned the book The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully by Frank Ostaseski and the podcast On Being.

Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer endurers, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly to me by visiting my Instagram page or email me at [email protected].
Thank you for listening!
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My reflections on the episode:
We covered so many big and small topics during our conversation, but there were two things that really stuck with me even after the recording.
First, it was so powerful to hear Ilene explain how defining herself as a writer helped her live. I myself appreciate how therapeutic writing can be - I’ve actually done some journaling to process my dad’s death before I started this podcast - but what Ilene explained was way more profound because it wasn’t just about writing being therapeutic, but that it gave her a new identity which led her to make connections, build community, and find opportunities to give back. I know Ilene prefers to be called a cancer endurer, but that to me is thriving.
Second, I was so struck by what Ilene’s husband referred to as the “longest goodbye.” I even said so during the recording but couldn’t quite put into words on the spot what I was reacting to. So I reached out after to see if I can get Craig to share what he meant, and this is what he wrote back in an email:
“I live with the uncertainty of waiting for her health to deteriorate and ultimately when she won’t be with me anymore. It’s hard to watch the person you love and who’s your partner go through so much pain and so many treatments only to ultimately have them fail her. It’s also difficult to make future plans any further out than a few weeks. It’s as though she is packing for a trip without me, but may never return.”
I’ve never met Craig, but it’s as if he was explaining what it was like for me to say goodbye to my dad.