A death and dying process

01/27/21 • 44 min

I shared my experience with my dad’s death and dying process in this interview. A good friend who is an experienced medical social worker played guest host as she knew a bit about the journey I was on with my dad. Big thanks to her for listening and helping me get the story recorded. As two social workers, we did digress into some intellectualizing about the importance of having conversations with your loved ones and cultural impact on the experience of death and dying.

I talked about “professional criers” at one point in the episode. I made up that term on the spot because I’ve never actually seen this practice in the United States so not sure if there was an official term in English. Upon a quick search in the trusty Google, it appears that “professional mourners” is actually a relatively common practice in many parts of the world, and can be referred to as moirologists. The practice is meant to honor the deceased, as large crowds at the funeral are interpreted as a reflection of the importance of your social status. Just sharing as I found this fascinating!

I also talked about reading the book “Being Mortal” in this episode, which helped me process my own experience after my dad passed away. You can find more info about Atul Gawande and his book on his website.

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Thank you for listening!

Previous Episode

A bump in the road

I spoke with Jamie about her journey with breast cancer. She is truly blessed to be able to look in the rearview mirror and call the whole experience a “bump in the road.” Her story highlights how important it is to listen to your body and trust your instincts, as medical doctors can get things wrong too, and you always have to be your best advocate.
There were a few things that stood out for me. First, it’s surprising to hear how often breast cancer gets missed, given how common it is and how much the imaging technology has improved over time. It is something that I’d like to ask a breast cancer specialist one day to understand why that is the case.
Second, Jamie talked about feeling like she was “cheating on her doctor,” a sentiment not unfamiliar to many of us, especially if you are getting care at these world-renowned facilities. However, as we have heard from Jamie’s experience, it’s more important that the facility is able to provide the best care YOU need, and a second opinion is probably always a good idea.
Jamie was still gushing about how amazing the local facility was after we stopped recording - such as the aromatherapy and music they offered during treatment, the myriad of support activities from art classes to nutritional counseling. She kept saying that it must have been designed by a woman, and I agree, it really sounded amazing. Here's the link for the Lynn Women’s Health and Wellness Institute so you can check it out for yourself.
Please subscribe if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to my Instagram page or email me at [email protected].
Thank you for listening!

Next Episode

Gifts of cancer (and quarantine!)

Carina and Mila, who are friends and colleagues, have supported each other on different parts of their journeys with breast cancer. We heard some common themes in their stories:

One of the big ones was the importance of putting yourself first, which they both had to learn over time when they started to feel the negative impact on their mental health. They also talked about how cultural norms sometimes created challenges for them in finding the support they needed and how it was important to recognize those barriers and find support in other ways.

The other that jumped out at me was trusting your instincts. They both gave examples of when they knew something was wrong before any official scans confirmed. This was important because they pushed forward in getting treatment rather than waiting, which would have meant more cancer growth. This was a big lesson for me personally because I am someone who has a tendency to defer to the experts which in this case, would not serve me well.

Last but not least, they both talk about the gifts they got from cancer, whether that was a second chance to address something you neglected, as in Carina’s case, or embracing vulnerability and in turn becoming fearless as Mila experienced. This rings true for me although, in my experience, the “gifts” were not apparent until a later time.
Please subscribe if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to my Instagram page or email me at [email protected].
Thank you for listening!