22: Moral Perfectionsim

02/27/23 • 16 min

2 Listeners

I’ve never been a perfectionist. I’ve never cared if my bed is made or my handwriting is neat or if a picture on the wall is hanging perfectly. I’m not bothered by things being a little “out of place.” So imagine my surprise to discover that my whole life is run by perfectionism–a different kind of perfectionism. That’s today’s topic on the show. Join me to find out more!

Show Highlights:

How an 18-month-stint as a teenager in a long-term rehab facility turned me into a moral perfectionist
How a militaristic 12-step program and an evangelical church forced me to examine every daily decision for pure, altruistic motives
How this type of perfectionism told me that I had to be “good enough” to be loved and accepted
How even self-improvement is approached differently with moral perfectionism
Why it’s impossible to live with moral perfectionism
The first step toward change: recognizing that I am a moral perfectionist who is trying to earn my worth through altruism and unselfishness
Why you are not alone if you feel like a moral perfectionist
An excerpt from my book, How to Keep House While Drowning, chapter 3

Resources:

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Show Highlights:

How an 18-month-stint as a teenager in a long-term rehab facility turned me into a moral perfectionist
How a militaristic 12-step program and an evangelical church forced me to examine every daily decision for pure, altruistic motives
How this type of perfectionism told me that I had to be “good enough” to be loved and accepted
How even self-improvement is approached differently with moral perfectionism
Why it’s impossible to live with moral perfectionism
The first step toward change: recognizing that I am a moral perfectionist who is trying to earn my worth through altruism and unselfishness
Why you are not alone if you feel like a moral perfectionist
An excerpt from my book, How to Keep House While Drowning, chapter 3

Resources:

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Previous Episode

21: Wait. Am I in a Cult? with Chris Wilson

Today’s discussion is about high-control groups. If you aren’t familiar with this phrase, think of it as the clinical term for a cult, and most of us are familiar with that word. Let’s talk about it with my guest, Chris Wilson, who has spent many years studying this topic. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology, a Master’s in Religion, and is working on a Master’s in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Join us to learn more from Chris!

Show Highlights:

Why a high-control group is usually toxic, with the abuse of power and control that induces trauma in people
How Chris witnessed abuse and experienced trauma in her religious upbringing–and became passionately determined to help others
KC’s story of teenage drug addiction, rehab, and exposure to high-control groups
How a recovery group that helps a person can also be a high-control group
What makes a group a high-control group
They use control tactics and don’t teach coping mechanisms.
They prioritize predatory collectivism.
Why not all religions with strict rules and regulations are high-control groups
How high-control groups function with behavior control and punishment
How high-control group tactics can show up in the toxic workplace
How high-control groups implement information control and use thought-stopping cliches to stop people from evaluating what is happening to them
How high-control groups remove a person’s ability and opportunity to make all decisions about even the most mundane things in daily life
Tips from Chris and KC for joining a group and being aware:
Balance your passion with rationality.
Connect with others in the group and ask specifically about the “downsides” of the group.
Beware if the group touts themselves as the ONLY ONE doing things right.
Beware if the group leader claims to be clairvoyant, infallible, or claims to know you better than you know yourself.

Resources:

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Next Episode

23: The Color of Care Tasks with Danita Platt

I’m excited to have Danita Platt on the show today. I didn’t know anyone of color in the field of care tasks until I met her. Her content resonates with me and my views around care tasks, so I hope you’ll enjoy hearing more from Danita!

Show Highlights:

Who Danita is and how she became an expert on gentle care tasks
How our society over the last two generations has moralized care tasks and tied them to the worth of a woman
Why we need to rethink our views about care tasks and “being a good woman” that go back to the founding of the US, historically speaking
How the concept of “invisible labor” has carried over from colonial days even to today
How many white people were able to live the lives they did because of the cheap, exploitable labor of Black women
How the Great Migration happened to move many Black families to northern cities from the South
How the shift happened to push Black (and white) women to work industrial jobs while men were away during the war
How the push is recurring for 1950s homemaking to be viewed as the superior role for women
What we DON’T talk about in the fulfilling life of a homemaker
How Danita chooses to honor the Black women who had to wash clothes, clean house, and cook meals under duress–with no freedom or choice of their own
What Danita would say to women who want to live more joyfully in their homes and experience more freedom and quality of life

Resources:

Connect with Danita: TikTok and Instagram

Mentioned in this episode: Sisters in Hate: American Women on the Front Lines of White Nationalism

Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices