Silver Screen Cesspool
Allen Smithee
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Top 10 Silver Screen Cesspool Episodes
Goodpods has curated a list of the 10 best Silver Screen Cesspool episodes, ranked by the number of listens and likes each episode have garnered from our listeners. If you are listening to Silver Screen Cesspool for the first time, there's no better place to start than with one of these standout episodes. If you are a fan of the show, vote for your favorite Silver Screen Cesspool episode by adding your comments to the episode page.
Horror At Party Beach
Silver Screen Cesspool
05/05/24 • 12 min
Horror At Party Beach (1964)
"WEIRD! Ghoulish atomic beasts who live off human blood!"
"... Do you ever find it annoying in musicals when dance numbers break out and everyone suddenly knows all the moves? Well, that’s not a problem in this movie, because the party beachgoers only kind of know the movies, and are in no way in sync with each other. I’m pretty sure one guy skipped rehearsals together. But the local motorcycle gang shows up to put an end to the lack of choreography. Our abusive alcoholic is making goo-goo eyes at the leader of the pack. Then she starts dancing with him, while the boyfriend goes off and flirts with some other girl. Either break up or go to couples counseling already.
Our second musical number starts and it’s called the wiggle wobble. If you can imagine a dance move inspired by trying to shake a large dingleberry loose from between your butt cheeks, then you can imagine the wiggle wobble. Also, this movie claims to be a musical, but really they just have a band playing in several scenes and people dancing to it. I think musical is a bit of a stretch but whatever. This is more of a movie with music in it. ... "
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
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Future Kick
Silver Screen Cesspool
07/07/24 • 8 min
Ep27 - Future Kick (1991)
"A personal quest for vengeance, a high tech race for survival"... The head henchman goes rogue and kills his boss the corrupt police chief, and we’re into the final action sequence where our cyborg and the grieving widow take turns chasing and running from the head henchman and the second in command. Like all action sequences in this movie, calling this an action sequence is like calling speed walking a 100-meter dash. Our hero seems to have only one move kicking, and the villains seem to only know how to punch. It’s awkward and weird screen combat at its doofyist, and more importantly, robbed me of the chance to say “Everybody was king fu fighting.” When they give up on the hand-to-foot combat and decide to shoot at each other it’s obvious who’s getting shot, because the exploding blood packs are visible under clothing before they explode. All the other kids with their future kicks, are able to run, able to run faster than the bullets ....
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
SilverScreenCesspool.com
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Attack Of The Lederhosen Zombies
Silver Screen Cesspool
02/15/24 • 4 min
Attack Of The Lederhosen Zombies (2016)
"The hills are alive with the sound of bloodshed."
Tonight's movie is “Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies.” The basic premise of this movie is that the Nazi Zombie thing has been overdone, so we’re going to set it in Austria and replace the Nazi uniforms with the most humorous of all the pants, liderhosen.
The movie opens with a hot shot of an American snowboarder pulling a wacky stunt where he boards down the mountain in his birthday suit, only to discover there’s a make-a-wish kid, complete with a wheelchair, waiting to meet him. The movie kinda goes downhill from there, and not just because they snowboard. It's a fairly standard zombie movie, except everyone is doing their best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, there's zombie deer, and the black people don’t die first. But that's because the movie was cast before they swapped out the nazis. Not a lot of black nazis.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
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Trump vs. The Illuminati
Silver Screen Cesspool
02/16/24 • 5 min
Trump vs. The Illuminati (2020)
"The ultimate battle."
Tonight’s CGI cinematic stinker is “Trump vs the Illuminati.”
The year is 3024, and the earth was destroyed 1000 years ago when Donald Trump started a nuclear war. The last survivor of the human race lives on Mars, and he’s a Chinese-made exact clone of Donald Trump, except he’s immortal and has huge hands. For ... uhm ... reasons he’s become the center of the war been The Illuminati, who are aliens led by Allister Crowly, who sounds suspiciously like the Mark Hammil joker, and the Atlanteans (or possibly Atlanta-ians, it’s unclear if they’re supposed to be from Atlantis or Atlanta) who are also aliens, lead in part by Van Helsing.
As the last human alive, Trump spends most of the film darkly brooding, narrating his life and pondering the meaning of existence. He monologues a lot. The Illuminati monologue a lot. The citizens of Atlanta monologue a lot. Alister Crowley and Van Helsing make constant sex jokes. At one point, he challenges the Illuminati to a dance-off and does his best Napoleon Dynamite impression.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
SilverScreenCesspool.com
Facebook.com/SilverScreenCesspool
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Trail Of The Screaming Forehead
Silver Screen Cesspool
04/28/24 • 9 min
Who Can Sleep With Brows On The Prowl?
"... Tonight’s Film Fart is “Trail of the Screaming Forehead” from 2007. Filmed in craniovision. And unlike some other cinematic cesspools I’ve reviewed here, this movie has faces you might recognize, like that guy who played the evil TV station owner in the Weird Al movie “UHF,” and that guy who played a cab driver on “Spencer for Hire” in one episode. Also, I think the bartender was in Gremlins.
So the plot is clearly based on a fever dream based on a misheard lyric of They Might Be Giants. A sentient alien forehead is taking over people’s brains in the town of Longhead Bay. No, scratch that. Taking over people's foreheads, because people think with their foreheads, not their brains. The scientist, Doctor Shiela who postulated this theory thinks that the scientific community has rejected it, because she's a woman, and not because it's horribly, horribly stupid..."
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
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ThanksKilling
Silver Screen Cesspool
11/27/24 • 20 min
Ep 33 - "ThanksKilling" 2008
"Gobble, Gobble, Mother F*cker"
" . . . So the jock decides to meet up with the gang at the Rednecks house minus the hoe to commiserate and have a beer cuz that makes more sense than calling the police or trying to stop the turkey or quit acting. The hoe however is at her house with random dude and ... I’ll spare you the details, but it’s the turkey rape scene.
A more disturbing moment has never been caught on Cinema before or after non-consensual ghost puppet poultry beastiality and this is supposed to be a comedy.
Ever want to know what a turkey looks like having an orgasm? Boy then you are in luck. The turkey delivers the zinger “You’ve been stuffed” before putting her out of our misery . . . "
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
SilverScreenCesspool.com
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Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies
Silver Screen Cesspool
02/23/24 • 7 min
Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (2012)
"He emancipated the slaves... he saved the Union... and slaughtered the undead!"
Tonight’s moronic movie is Abraham Lincoln Vs Zombies from the Asylum. That's actually the studio name, the asylum, not where they live ... I don’t think. So the movie starts with an event left out of the history books, as momma Lincoln apparently was a zombie, and rather than kill her, poppa Lincoln shot himself, leaving a 9-year-old Abe to kill momma with a scythe. Frankly, if that had been taught in my history class in high school, my grades would have been much better.
So according to this movie, four score and seven minutes later, Abe was brought forth upon a most excellent adventure. Soon after the Battle of Gettysburg, zombies began to rise, and unlike most zombie movies, it’s not a scientist trying to warn the government about zombies; the commander-in-chief has some unique insight into the zombie problem. This highly unique insight into the zombie problem is that zombies exist. And the 16th POTUS plans on killing as many of them as possible with his trusty child-size scythe. This is a helpful plot point to distinguish this movie from the much more popular Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
SilverScreenCesspool.com
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Win A Date With Tad Hamilton
Silver Screen Cesspool
05/12/24 • 15 min
Win A Date With Tad Hamilton (2004)
"In every love story, there's only room for one leading man."
" ... So hot chick decides to enter said content and raise the $100 entry fee, with the help of her wacky friend. In a matter of 15 seconds, without even the aid of a video montage, she's achieved her goal. This mildly annoys Eric, but he doesn't say why ... oh the suspense. What could he possibly be thinking when he gives her that dreamy look, and then later mocks the idea of her dating someone, then writes her name in his notebook with hearts and stars and flowers?
The movie isn't called "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton" for nothing, so guess what happens next. Surprise! She wins a date, with ... are you ready? ... George Hamilton! I bet you thought I was going to say Tad Hamilton. Well, actually she did win a date with Tad Hamilton, but I wanted to demonstrate to the writers of the movie how to put surprises in your writing ..."
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
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Cowboys Vs. Dinosaurs
Silver Screen Cesspool
03/24/24 • 11 min
Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs (2015)
"Let the Best Species Win"
The movie is set in present-day Montana, so unfortunately, the titular Cowboys are the modern-day rodeo type and not the Wild West type. This is disappointing, but not as disappointing as if it were the starting lineup of this year's Dallas Cowboys. The movie opens with a mining company blowing up something in the mine and releasing velociraptors who straight up kill everyone in sight. It is fantastic that they’re playing to their strengths here and not bothering with any of that pesky backstory or plot.
We cut to the local but unofficial swimmin’ hole, where four young ladies have decided to go swimming. It’s like they’ve never even seen a killer shark movie to know how much danger they’re in. Or maybe it’s the irresistabable appeal of the cool water in the tropical heat of Montana in early fall. After talking for about thirty seconds, one of them, Sky, announces that they have to go to work and then leaves, taking their only vehicle. Seriously, what was the plan supposed to be here? Luckily, a boyfriend-type person had shown up, so the other girls stayed, and after splashing in the water for a bit, they all got disemboweled by a velociraptor.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
SilverScreenCesspool.com
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Sharks Of The Corn
Silver Screen Cesspool
02/14/24 • 7 min
Sharks of the Corn (2021)
"You're gonna get stalked!"
Tonight's film flop is Stephen Kang's Sharks of the Corn. Yes, you heard me right. Kang, K-A-N-G. Now, you may be expecting a children of the corn knockoff, but with sharks instead, and honestly, that would have made a lot more sense. Then movie opens with a woman trying to seduce the local Kentucky county fair's, corn-eating champion. But he's drunk, so the obvious course of action is to invite him to chase her through the saddest-looking cornfield ever, as she removes four layers of clothing she was wearing, leaving them sexily hanging from stocks of corn. But almost as soon as her breasts are exposed, she's eaten by a shark. Random sh-t of Stonehenge! But maybe it's not a real shark, maybe it's this serial killer-looking dude wearing a gator with a shark jaw print. He shows up in the next scene and kills a hooker with a museum gift shop shark jaw. Damn it, Bruce, hookers are friends, not food.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
SilverScreenCesspool.com
Facebook.com/SilverScreenCesspool
Instagram.com/SilverScreenCesspool
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FAQ
How many episodes does Silver Screen Cesspool have?
Silver Screen Cesspool currently has 33 episodes available.
What topics does Silver Screen Cesspool cover?
The podcast is about B Movie, Movie Review, Funny, Humor, Comedy, Podcasts, Tv & Film and Film Reviews.
What is the most popular episode on Silver Screen Cesspool?
The episode title 'Attack Of The Lederhosen Zombies' is the most popular.
What is the average episode length on Silver Screen Cesspool?
The average episode length on Silver Screen Cesspool is 11 minutes.
How often are episodes of Silver Screen Cesspool released?
Episodes of Silver Screen Cesspool are typically released every 6 days, 21 hours.
When was the first episode of Silver Screen Cesspool?
The first episode of Silver Screen Cesspool was released on Feb 12, 2024.
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