Trump vs. The Illuminati
02/16/24 • 5 min
Trump vs. The Illuminati (2020)
"The ultimate battle."
Tonight’s CGI cinematic stinker is “Trump vs the Illuminati.”
The year is 3024, and the earth was destroyed 1000 years ago when Donald Trump started a nuclear war. The last survivor of the human race lives on Mars, and he’s a Chinese-made exact clone of Donald Trump, except he’s immortal and has huge hands. For ... uhm ... reasons he’s become the center of the war been The Illuminati, who are aliens led by Allister Crowly, who sounds suspiciously like the Mark Hammil joker, and the Atlanteans (or possibly Atlanta-ians, it’s unclear if they’re supposed to be from Atlantis or Atlanta) who are also aliens, lead in part by Van Helsing.
As the last human alive, Trump spends most of the film darkly brooding, narrating his life and pondering the meaning of existence. He monologues a lot. The Illuminati monologue a lot. The citizens of Atlanta monologue a lot. Alister Crowley and Van Helsing make constant sex jokes. At one point, he challenges the Illuminati to a dance-off and does his best Napoleon Dynamite impression.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
SilverScreenCesspool.com
Facebook.com/SilverScreenCesspool
Instagram.com/SilverScreenCesspool
Trump vs. The Illuminati (2020)
"The ultimate battle."
Tonight’s CGI cinematic stinker is “Trump vs the Illuminati.”
The year is 3024, and the earth was destroyed 1000 years ago when Donald Trump started a nuclear war. The last survivor of the human race lives on Mars, and he’s a Chinese-made exact clone of Donald Trump, except he’s immortal and has huge hands. For ... uhm ... reasons he’s become the center of the war been The Illuminati, who are aliens led by Allister Crowly, who sounds suspiciously like the Mark Hammil joker, and the Atlanteans (or possibly Atlanta-ians, it’s unclear if they’re supposed to be from Atlantis or Atlanta) who are also aliens, lead in part by Van Helsing.
As the last human alive, Trump spends most of the film darkly brooding, narrating his life and pondering the meaning of existence. He monologues a lot. The Illuminati monologue a lot. The citizens of Atlanta monologue a lot. Alister Crowley and Van Helsing make constant sex jokes. At one point, he challenges the Illuminati to a dance-off and does his best Napoleon Dynamite impression.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
SilverScreenCesspool.com
Facebook.com/SilverScreenCesspool
Instagram.com/SilverScreenCesspool
Previous Episode
Attack Of The Lederhosen Zombies
Attack Of The Lederhosen Zombies (2016)
"The hills are alive with the sound of bloodshed."
Tonight's movie is “Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies.” The basic premise of this movie is that the Nazi Zombie thing has been overdone, so we’re going to set it in Austria and replace the Nazi uniforms with the most humorous of all the pants, liderhosen.
The movie opens with a hot shot of an American snowboarder pulling a wacky stunt where he boards down the mountain in his birthday suit, only to discover there’s a make-a-wish kid, complete with a wheelchair, waiting to meet him. The movie kinda goes downhill from there, and not just because they snowboard. It's a fairly standard zombie movie, except everyone is doing their best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, there's zombie deer, and the black people don’t die first. But that's because the movie was cast before they swapped out the nazis. Not a lot of black nazis.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
SilverScreenCesspool.com
Facebook.com/SilverScreenCesspool
Instagram.com/SilverScreenCesspool
Next Episode
Chatterbox
Chatterbox (1977)
"She talks with her what?"
Tonight's Film Flop is the 1977 film “Chatterbox.” To summarize the plot of this movie in a manner that's podcast-friendly... It's about a woman who discovers one day that her box can chatter. When she says, “Read my lips” it really is a multiple-choice question. Her Va-jay-jay has a lot to say-say.
Anyway, her chatterbox has a mind of its own, and has a lot to talk about, and is as sassy as Rip Taylor, who incidentally co-stars in this movie. Apparently, Virginia the Vagina also has ambitions of a singing career, so hijinx ensues as the singing career takes off.
Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!
Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo
(((0))),/\,/\,/\ ,/\,/\,/\,(((0)))
SilverScreenCesspool.com
Facebook.com/SilverScreenCesspool
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Silver Screen Cesspool - Trump vs. The Illuminati
Transcript
Tonight’s CGI cinematic stinker is “Trump vs the Illuminati.”
The year is 3024, and the earth was destroyed 1000 years ago when Donald Trump started a nuclear war. The last survivor of the human race lives on Mars, and he’s a Chinese-made exact clone of Donald Trump, except he’s immortal and has huge hands. For ... uhm ... reasons he’s become the center of the war been The Illuminati, who are aliens led by Allister Crowly, who sounds suspiciously like the Mark Hammil joker,
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