Hug Everyone You Know

03/29/19 • 24 min

“I never thought I would be someone who needed so much support,” says Antoinette Truglio Martin, about reaching out to her support group after her cancer diagnosis. Antoinette was diagnosed with stage one breast cancer in 2007, and within five years it had metastasized to her vertebrae and became considered stage four. Now, she will live with cancer for the rest of her life. However, Antoinette remains an optimistic person. She says that in her family the glass is not half empty, it is almost full.

Go Hug Everyone You Know

Antoinette Truglio Martin is the author of Hug Everyone You Know: A Year of Community, Courage, and Cancer. The book is a memoir about her first year with breast cancer. She is a Antoinette Truglio Martin is a speech therapist and special education teacher, but considers herself a writer at heart. She received her MFA in Creative Writing and Literature from Stony Brook/Southampton University in 2016.

Martin’s book Hug Everyone You Know: A Year of Community, Courage, and Cancer is a memoir about her first year of breast cancer. 2-3% of all funds raised from her book go to cancer research. Hug Everyone You Know documents the first year of Martin’s life after getting diagnosed with stage one breast cancer. It includes email correspondence between her and her community, as well as Antoinette’s journal entries.

Cancer Doesn’t Deserve a Pretty Journal

Martin says that she always wanted to be a writer when she grew up, and she still does. While writing down her feelings about the first year after diagnosis, Martin documented everything in shabby journals. “I didn’t want cancer to be honored in any way, so it is going to get a shabby notebook,” says Martin. She did not have any special notebooks, pens, or bookmarks. Her day to day life of living with cancer was bookmarked by the dog-eared pages in those journals.

Keeping in Contact Through Emails

During her traumatic first year of battling cancer, Martin chose to update everyone in her life through emails. “It was easier for me to compose an email and send it out to everyone,” says Martin. Instead of talking on the phone, Martin decided that updates came best in the form of emails.

Antoinette chose to update people in her life via email, because sometimes it was easier than talking to someone on the phone. She found that talking about cancer on the phone caused her to have to relive the trauma. Martin never considered herself to be a “chatty” person on the phone, so emails allowed her to share her progress with loved ones.

Living Day-to-Day with Cancer

Within five years of her stage one breast cancer diagnosis, Antoinette’s cancer had metastasized and attached itself to her spine. She wants people to know that breast cancer does not kill people, cancer that has metastasized and attached itself to vital organs kills people. Stage four cancer still does not have a cure, but it can be managed with treatment. Antoinette considers herself very lucky to be living with cancer in a time with such advanced medicine. “I feel like I am living proof of the progress that has been made. I lived past my expiration point,” says Antoinette.

“I refuse to call it mine,” Antoinette Truglio Martin says about breast cancer. Though she will live with stage four cancer for the rest of her life, Antoinette does not consider the cancer to be “hers.” Instead, it is just something she has and will live with.

Cancer is no longer the focal point of Martin’s journaling. She has two daughters, with grandchildren on the way. She is a speech therapist, as well as a special education teacher. Antoinette is more concerned about things going on with her day to day life than the “looming cancer.”

Cancer and Community

Antoinette says that she never thought of herself as someone who would need to seek out support. However, after her diagnosis she found herself needing her community. She says that she never really had to ask for help, that people were just there. Throughout her entire process, she always had a shoulder to cry on.

Seeking out support can be hard, but a support group during traumatic times allows one to be resilient. Martin remains positive day-to-day despite living with stage four breast cancer that has metastasized to her spine. “Every day is a gift. We need to appreciate the moment,” says Antoinette Truglio Martin.

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal:

Journaling Negative Thoughts

Sometimes, it can be hard to sit down and actually start the journaling process. When I first began documenting my life through journals, I was worried about ever...

Go Hug Everyone You Know

Cancer Doesn’t Deserve a Pretty Journal

Keeping in Contact Through Emails

Living Day-to-Day with Cancer

Cancer and Community

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal:

Journaling Negative Thoughts

Sometimes, it can be hard to sit down and actually start the journaling process. When I first began documenting my life through journals, I was worried about ever...

Previous Episode

Never, Ever Give Up Hope

“You have to work at hoping for the positive,” says Carol Graham, host of the bi-weekly podcast Never Ever Give up Hope. She has survived the challenges of major illnesses, devastating personal losses and financial ruin more than once, yet has refused to become a victim. Her goal is to share hope with others and lessons on how to survive and thrive.

Don’t Give Up Hope...Choose to Forgive

Carol is an excellent example of how necessary it is to keep a positive mindset during some of the toughest of trials. After realizing that she was in control of her future, Carol decided to dedicate her life to helping others.

Being a motivational speaker is just one of the many ways that Carol positively impacts the lives of others. She hosts a bi-weekly podcast, and recently released her memoir. Carol is a successful business woman owns and operates two jewelry stores. She has been a certified life coach for 35 years, and touched numerous lives. In addition to helping other humans, Carol has rescued over 30 dogs with her husband.

Overcoming Trials and Traumas

“People get so overwhelmed by 1 or 2 traumas in their life that they have difficulty imagining someone going through them back to back.” There was a point in Carol’s life that she avoided answering the phone, fearing that it would just be more bad news. Carol was born very ill, and after consulting seventeen experts she encountered a specialist who told her that she needed to get a hysterectomy.

“Lady... Go home, suffer, and die,” is what Carol was told after she refused to get a hysterectomy. Determined, she told the expert that she would walk back in there one day – pregnant. 14 years later, she walked back in there to prove him wrong. However, it was not an easy road to get to that point.

Carol is the victim of sexual violence. One day, she was gang raped and left for dead on the street. Rape is one of the most traumatizing events someone can suffer through, but Carol chose not to let it impact her negatively for the rest of her life. She says that she decided to forgive those who wronged her, in order to move on from the experience.

Not only once, but twice was Carol robbed by her business partners. Even then, she actively decided to forgive people who she trusted that went corrupt. While her previous partners profited and became successful, she and her husband were left with virtually nothing.

After a year of having an adopted son, his biological mother decided she wanted custody of him. Carol suffered greatly when she lost her son, then had to endure the same suffering years later. Thirty years into their relationship, Carol lost another adopted son due to estrangement.

Carol reached a point in her life where her traumas were too much for her, and once tried to commit suicide. She lost both of her parents at a young age, and did not seek out friendships. She believed that people would not want to be friends with her due to her struggles, so she did not have a healthy support group.

She relied on her faith, and believed that she would be guided through whatever situation. Carol attributes her faith as her largest source of hope at some points during her life. In hindsight, Carol believes that it is very important to have a support group that you can rely on.

The Key to Remaining Positive?

Carol thinks the most important thing to overcoming your traumas and trials is to have a sense of humor. There have been many times in her life where Carol chose to laugh, because if she did not laugh she would end up crying. She and her husband have rescued over 30 dogs, and she says that animals can bring humor into your life when you need it most.

It can be hard to always have a positive mindset, but Carol believes that you can choose how you view what has happened to you. Her advice? Move on. She says that she has moved past all of her traumas, because she decided to remain positive throughout them.

Take Home Message

You choose how you are influenced by what has happened to you
Sometimes, you need to laugh to keep yourself from crying
With positivity, you can overcome anything

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. Carol mentioned humor as one of her key resilience factors. Humor is as well-known resilience strategy. In their book, The Resilient Self, Dr. Steven and Sybil Wolin state that humor can turn nothing into something and something into nothing.”

A blog post on This Emotional Life, goes further to explain that when we can see the humor in our situation, we are playing an obser...

Next Episode

Male Sexual Abuse Survivors – Shattering the Silence

Childhood sexual abuse leaves a lifelong scar. It is difficult for male survivors of sexual abuse to discuss the matter in public because of social stigma. So much so that many survivors keep on denying the reality. Cecil Murphey, speaker, blogger and author of books like ‘More than Surviving: Courageous Meditations for Men Hurting from Childhood Abuse’, helps survivors of male sexual abuse accept reality, share their pain with compassionate listeners, and believe in the fact that they are not alone in their suffering.

Male Sexual Abuse Survivors Shatter the Silence

I interviewed Cec Murphey who explained how writing helped him come to terms with his own past sexual abuse. Through his blogs, articles and books, he opens up about his own struggles. His blogs and books also include real life stories of survivors of male sexual abuse.

Cec helps other survivors to share their trauma with compassionate readers. He wants them to accept reality, find help and move on. Survivors of sexual abuse, particularly men, find it more difficult to talk about their harrowing experiences. They have to overcome shame and break social taboos. Hence, many of them keep denying the facts and choose to suffer alone.

Through his writings, Cec drives the fact that there are many survivors of male sexual abuse and if you’re one of them, you’re not alone. You can send emails to Cec and he will definitely send replies. You can also leave your comments on his blog site. If you prefer to keep your identity hidden, you can do so as well.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource.

As I interviewed Cec, I couldn’t help but think, what would I have done if I remembered such abuse? What would you have done? Would you tell anyone or would you hide it and let it eat through you day-in-day-out. Cec actually experienced a mental breakdown and his memories started to haunt him. He couldn’t help it.

Mustering his resilience, Cec decided to stand up against his fears. He did research, he investigated, and ultimately he helped himself, and he’s helped thousands of other abuse victims. I believe that this is the greatest achievement a person can aspire to. The ability to counter personal fears and use them as a lesson for your life. Perhaps take a moment to just peek at your own fears. You don’t have to delve head first into them right now, but acknowledging that they’re there is the first step. Then you can ultimately turn to face them, and conquer them.

That’s all we have for today. Last episode, Antoinette Martin shared her thoughts on Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer and hugging everyone you know – so if you have had cancer affect your family, you might want to go back and have a listen. Next week, we’ll interview Luiza Coscia who engineers out of the box solutions for out of the box children.

I love interacting with our listeners on social media. We’re on Pinterest, Facebook, YouTube, and just about anywhere you can hold a great virtual conversation. Plus, I answer all my emails personally, so feel free to email me: stacy{at}stacybrookman{dot}com.

100 Most Important Memoirs of the Past 200 Years

This week’s memoir is All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot from 1972. Take an unforgettable journey through the English countryside and into the homes of its inhabitants – man and animal – with the world’s best-loved animal doctor. Herriot’s heartwarming and often hilarious stories of his first years as a country vet perfectly depict the wonderful relationship between man and animal– and they intimately portray a man whose humor, compassion , and love of life are truly inspiring. Check out All Creatures Great and Small and all the memoirs on this list at stacybrookman.com/100memoirs.

And always remember, Life is a story, and it’s never too late to start telling yours.

About: Cec Murphey

Veteran author Cecil (Cec) Murphey has written or co-written more than 135 books, including the New York Times bestseller 90 Minutes in Heaven (with Don Piper) and Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story...