Real Life Resilience

Go Hug Everyone You Know

Antoinette Truglio Martin is the author of Hug Everyone You Know: A Year of Community, Courage, and Cancer. The book is a memoir about her first year with breast cancer. She is a Antoinette Truglio Martin is a speech therapist and special education teacher, but considers herself a writer at heart. She received her MFA in Creative Writing and Literature from Stony Brook/Southampton University in 2016.

Martin’s book Hug Everyone You Know: A Year of Community, Courage, and Cancer is a memoir about her first year of breast cancer. 2-3% of all funds raised from her book go to cancer research. Hug Everyone You Know documents the first year of Martin’s life after getting diagnosed with stage one breast cancer. It includes email correspondence between her and her community, as well as Antoinette’s journal entries.

Cancer Doesn’t Deserve a Pretty Journal

Martin says that she always wanted to be a writer when she grew up, and she still does. While writing down her feelings about the first year after diagnosis, Martin documented everything in shabby journals. “I didn’t want cancer to be honored in any way, so it is going to get a shabby notebook,” says Martin. She did not have any special notebooks, pens, or bookmarks. Her day to day life of living with cancer was bookmarked by the dog-eared pages in those journals.

Keeping in Contact Through Emails

During her traumatic first year of battling cancer, Martin chose to update everyone in her life through emails. “It was easier for me to compose an email and send it out to everyone,” says Martin. Instead of talking on the phone, Martin decided that updates came best in the form of emails.

Antoinette chose to update people in her life via email, because sometimes it was easier than talking to someone on the phone. She found that talking about cancer on the phone caused her to have to relive the trauma. Martin never considered herself to be a “chatty” person on the phone, so emails allowed her to share her progress with loved ones.

Living Day-to-Day with Cancer

Within five years of her stage one breast cancer diagnosis, Antoinette’s cancer had metastasized and attached itself to her spine. She wants people to know that breast cancer does not kill people, cancer that has metastasized and attached itself to vital organs kills people. Stage four cancer still does not have a cure, but it can be managed with treatment. Antoinette considers herself very lucky to be living with cancer in a time with such advanced medicine. “I feel like I am living proof of the progress that has been made. I lived past my expiration point,” says Antoinette.

“I refuse to call it mine,” Antoinette Truglio Martin says about breast cancer. Though she will live with stage four cancer for the rest of her life, Antoinette does not consider the cancer to be “hers.” Instead, it is just something she has and will live with.

Cancer is no longer the focal point of Martin’s journaling. She has two daughters, with grandchildren on the way. She is a speech therapist, as well as a special education teacher. Antoinette is more concerned about things going on with her day to day life than the “looming cancer.”

Cancer and Community

Antoinette says that she never thought of herself as someone who would need to seek out support. However, after her diagnosis she found herself needing her community. She says that she never really had to ask for help, that people were just there. Throughout her entire process, she always had a shoulder to cry on.

Seeking out support can be hard, but a support group during traumatic times allows one to be resilient. Martin remains positive day-to-day despite living with stage four breast cancer that has metastasized to her spine. “Every day is a gift. We need to appreciate the moment,” says Antoinette Truglio Martin.

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal:

Journaling Negative Thoughts

Sometimes, it can be hard to sit down and actually start the journaling process. When I first began documenting my life through journals, I was worried about ever...

Don’t Give Up Hope...Choose to Forgive

Carol is an excellent example of how necessary it is to keep a positive mindset during some of the toughest of trials. After realizing that she was in control of her future, Carol decided to dedicate her life to helping others.

Being a motivational speaker is just one of the many ways that Carol positively impacts the lives of others. She hosts a bi-weekly podcast, and recently released her memoir. Carol is a successful business woman owns and operates two jewelry stores. She has been a certified life coach for 35 years, and touched numerous lives. In addition to helping other humans, Carol has rescued over 30 dogs with her husband.

Overcoming Trials and Traumas

“People get so overwhelmed by 1 or 2 traumas in their life that they have difficulty imagining someone going through them back to back.” There was a point in Carol’s life that she avoided answering the phone, fearing that it would just be more bad news. Carol was born very ill, and after consulting seventeen experts she encountered a specialist who told her that she needed to get a hysterectomy.

“Lady... Go home, suffer, and die,” is what Carol was told after she refused to get a hysterectomy. Determined, she told the expert that she would walk back in there one day – pregnant. 14 years later, she walked back in there to prove him wrong. However, it was not an easy road to get to that point.

Carol is the victim of sexual violence. One day, she was gang raped and left for dead on the street. Rape is one of the most traumatizing events someone can suffer through, but Carol chose not to let it impact her negatively for the rest of her life. She says that she decided to forgive those who wronged her, in order to move on from the experience.

Not only once, but twice was Carol robbed by her business partners. Even then, she actively decided to forgive people who she trusted that went corrupt. While her previous partners profited and became successful, she and her husband were left with virtually nothing.

After a year of having an adopted son, his biological mother decided she wanted custody of him. Carol suffered greatly when she lost her son, then had to endure the same suffering years later. Thirty years into their relationship, Carol lost another adopted son due to estrangement.

Carol reached a point in her life where her traumas were too much for her, and once tried to commit suicide. She lost both of her parents at a young age, and did not seek out friendships. She believed that people would not want to be friends with her due to her struggles, so she did not have a healthy support group.

She relied on her faith, and believed that she would be guided through whatever situation. Carol attributes her faith as her largest source of hope at some points during her life. In hindsight, Carol believes that it is very important to have a support group that you can rely on.

The Key to Remaining Positive?

Carol thinks the most important thing to overcoming your traumas and trials is to have a sense of humor. There have been many times in her life where Carol chose to laugh, because if she did not laugh she would end up crying. She and her husband have rescued over 30 dogs, and she says that animals can bring humor into your life when you need it most.

It can be hard to always have a positive mindset, but Carol believes that you can choose how you view what has happened to you. Her advice? Move on. She says that she has moved past all of her traumas, because she decided to remain positive throughout them.

Take Home Message

• You choose how you are influenced by what has happened to you
• Sometimes, you need to laugh to keep yourself from crying
• With positivity, you can overcome anything

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. Carol mentioned humor as one of her key resilience factors. Humor is as well-known resilience strategy. In their book, The Resilient Self, Dr. Steven and Sybil Wolin state that humor can turn nothing into something and something into nothing.”

A blog post on This Emotional Life, goes further to explain that when we can see the humor in our situation, we are playing an obser...

• Luis’ mother died when he was five and he was homeless for three years after that before being adopted into the United States
• Luis found trouble: expelled from middle school, smoking pot, getting into trouble. However, he discovered poetry when a teacher saw his potential and gave him a book of poetry by Pablo Neruda titled “The Captain’s Verses”.
• He went on to help with and then winning many poetry slam competitions. Now Luis is a successful entrepreneur (thrivinglaunch.com)
• Luis’ idea of a writer is anyone that writes. There’s really no other way of describing a writer.
• He coaches writers to just pick up the pen and write. Just showing up is the first piece. The next piece is to show up and share what you’ve written with other people. After that, then you can read other great writers and get to know them, try to emulate to some degree or discover what you can pick up from them to add to your own writing technique.
• If you’re doing these things, without a doubt, even without anyone’s help, you will become an amazing writer.

Listen to the episode for the full story.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource. I loved Luis’s background in oral storytelling and poetry slams. Sharing your story out loud can not only be empowering, but it can really move other people who hear it. It’s a unique way of sharing your experiences because storytelling is among the oldest forms of entertainment. It even dates back to 10^th century Japan. Before you go all prickly at the thought of speaking in front of a group, consider going smaller at first, by joining a local story circle where everyone shares their stories. Or even simply reading aloud to a friend. The act of receiving someone’s story is a gift that people want to give you. By sharing your story aloud, you enable others to hear your story, acknowledge your struggles and your triumphs, and connect with you through your story. You can google writing circles or even live storytelling near your city.

That’s all we have for today. Last episode, Mike Veny shared his thoughts on struggling with suicide attempts and mental health – so if you need if you know of anyone who might resonate with that topic, you might want to go back and have a listen. Next week, we’ll interview Carol Graham who just might be the most tenacious person you’ll ever know.

I love interacting with our listeners on social media. We’re on Pinterest, Facebook, YouTube, and just about anywhere you can hold a great virtual conversation. Plus, I answer all my emails personally, so feel free to email me: stacy{at}stacybrookman{dot}com.

100 Most Important Memoirs of the Past 200 Years

This week’s memoir is: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

We’re having fun counting down the 100+ most important memoirs of the past 200 years. So our memoir of the day by Maya Angelou. It’s her famous I know Why The Caged Bird Sings, written in 1969. Sent by their mother to live with their devout grandmother, Maya and her brother Bailey are abandoned to the prejudice of the local “powhitetrash.” At 8 years old, back at her mother’s side, Maya is attacked by a man and has to live with the lifetime consequences. She learns that love for herself, others’ kindness, her strong spirit, and the ideas of great authors allow her to be free instead of imprisoned. Check out I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings and all the memoirs on this list at stacybrookman.com/100memoirs.

Click on the graphic to learn about this memoir and all of the most important memoirs of the past 200 years...

About: Luis Congdon

Luis Congdon is an entrepreneur and relationship coach. He has worked with hundreds of couples. For many years Luis worked for one the nation’s largest research projects looking at marital success. He also runs a top rated podcast titled, LastingLoveConnection to help couples find and have the love they want. His other work and services can be found at LastingLoveConnection.com.