Harmonious Clan: Resilient Parents

08/29/19 • 28 min

“I’m not shy to say that they are just really, really quirky kids,” says Luiza Coscia, mother to five children with special needs, who she prefers to think of as out of the box children. After going to school to be an engineer, her life experience lead her to engineering out of the box solutions to help out of the box children like her own.

One Harmonious Clan

Luiza Y. Coscia is an engineer, author, and mother to five special needs children. When asked about her children, Luiza says that she is not ashamed to say that they are just really, really quirky kids. All five of her children have some sort of special needs, that require creative interventions. After raising her children, she knows the importance of remaining strong and resilient as a parent.

She attended college as an engineering student, but Luiza’s life experiences lead her to engineer out of the box solutions for out of the box children. She says that nowadays, having out of the box children with special needs is such an epidemic. In almost every classroom, there are children who suffer because they cannot conform to the class. Luiza says these children typically end up in the principal’s office frequently, because they are out of the box.

Luiza says that a lot of low points she has encountered were due to there not being any understanding. She believes that there is a lack of public awareness about out of the box special needs children such as her own. The hardest part is the lack of awareness about what could be going on underneath, in order to cause the children to act in such a manner.

Parental Judgment

“I’ve had a lot of moments when everybody turned their eyes on me and my clan,” says Luiza. She says that people are quick to judge parents and their children. Before making judgements, Luiza encourages people to consider what the other people are going through.

“You haven’t walked a mile in my shoes. You don’t know what I’m going through. My child is an excellent child, and I am a fabulous mother.”

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource.

During our interview, Luiza said that the main issue she has faced as a parent of five special needs, out of the box children is a lack of understanding. People are not compassionate to others’ situations, and there is a lack of understanding of what might be going on underneath the surface. “You haven’t walked a mile in my shoes. You don’t know what I’m going through. My child is an excellent child, and I am a fabulous mother,” says Luiza. This was one of my favorite quotes from our interview. People really can’t grasp what someone else is going through unless they experience it for themselves. And even then, everyone’s experience is quite different. As Luiza said, parents are quick to judge others’ parenting styles based on the behavior of the child. However, people don’t stop to consider what could be going on in that child’s life in order to cause them to act this way. I encourage you to take a moment the next time you see a misbehaving child and a parent desperate to control the situation. Consider the underlying issues that may cause children to act out in such ways. Instead of judging the child or parent, ask what you can do to help. You just might save a Mom’s sanity.

That’s all we have for today. Last episode, Cec Murphey shared his thoughts on appreciating ourselves and realizing that God created each of us to love and to be loved – so if you need a little bit of encouragement , you might want to go back and have a listen. Next week, we’ll continue our interview with Luiza in Part 2 of our series. She will talk about raising resilient children.

I love interacting with our listeners on social media. We’re on Pinterest, Facebook, YouTube, and just about anywhere you can hold a great virtual conversation. Before you go, don’t forget to go download the guide: 5 Ways to Stay Calm When Your Life is in Serious Chaos and you can’t see your way out! If your life has been chaos, or you know someone whose life is, you need this guide! Download that for free at stacybrookman.com/calm

100 Most Important Memoirs of the Past 200 Years

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One Harmonious Clan

Parental Judgment

“You haven’t walked a mile in my shoes. You don’t know what I’m going through. My child is an excellent child, and I am a fabulous mother.”

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource.

100 Most Important Memoirs of the Past 200 Years

We’re having fun counting down t...

Previous Episode

Male Sexual Abuse Survivors – Shattering the Silence

Childhood sexual abuse leaves a lifelong scar. It is difficult for male survivors of sexual abuse to discuss the matter in public because of social stigma. So much so that many survivors keep on denying the reality. Cecil Murphey, speaker, blogger and author of books like ‘More than Surviving: Courageous Meditations for Men Hurting from Childhood Abuse’, helps survivors of male sexual abuse accept reality, share their pain with compassionate listeners, and believe in the fact that they are not alone in their suffering.

Male Sexual Abuse Survivors Shatter the Silence

I interviewed Cec Murphey who explained how writing helped him come to terms with his own past sexual abuse. Through his blogs, articles and books, he opens up about his own struggles. His blogs and books also include real life stories of survivors of male sexual abuse.

Cec helps other survivors to share their trauma with compassionate readers. He wants them to accept reality, find help and move on. Survivors of sexual abuse, particularly men, find it more difficult to talk about their harrowing experiences. They have to overcome shame and break social taboos. Hence, many of them keep denying the facts and choose to suffer alone.

Through his writings, Cec drives the fact that there are many survivors of male sexual abuse and if you’re one of them, you’re not alone. You can send emails to Cec and he will definitely send replies. You can also leave your comments on his blog site. If you prefer to keep your identity hidden, you can do so as well.

Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource.

As I interviewed Cec, I couldn’t help but think, what would I have done if I remembered such abuse? What would you have done? Would you tell anyone or would you hide it and let it eat through you day-in-day-out. Cec actually experienced a mental breakdown and his memories started to haunt him. He couldn’t help it.

Mustering his resilience, Cec decided to stand up against his fears. He did research, he investigated, and ultimately he helped himself, and he’s helped thousands of other abuse victims. I believe that this is the greatest achievement a person can aspire to. The ability to counter personal fears and use them as a lesson for your life. Perhaps take a moment to just peek at your own fears. You don’t have to delve head first into them right now, but acknowledging that they’re there is the first step. Then you can ultimately turn to face them, and conquer them.

That’s all we have for today. Last episode, Antoinette Martin shared her thoughts on Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer and hugging everyone you know – so if you have had cancer affect your family, you might want to go back and have a listen. Next week, we’ll interview Luiza Coscia who engineers out of the box solutions for out of the box children.

I love interacting with our listeners on social media. We’re on Pinterest, Facebook, YouTube, and just about anywhere you can hold a great virtual conversation. Plus, I answer all my emails personally, so feel free to email me: stacy{at}stacybrookman{dot}com.

100 Most Important Memoirs of the Past 200 Years

This week’s memoir is All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot from 1972. Take an unforgettable journey through the English countryside and into the homes of its inhabitants – man and animal – with the world’s best-loved animal doctor. Herriot’s heartwarming and often hilarious stories of his first years as a country vet perfectly depict the wonderful relationship between man and animal– and they intimately portray a man whose humor, compassion , and love of life are truly inspiring. Check out All Creatures Great and Small and all the memoirs on this list at stacybrookman.com/100memoirs.

And always remember, Life is a story, and it’s never too late to start telling yours.

About: Cec Murphey

Veteran author Cecil (Cec) Murphey has written or co-written more than 135 books, including the New York Times bestseller 90 Minutes in Heaven (with Don Piper) and Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story...

Next Episode

Harmonious Clan: Resilient Kids

How to raise children with a sense of resilience? This week, we are joined again by Luiza Coscia, an engineer, author, and mother of five children with special needs. She discusses her strategies to raise out-of-the-box children with out-of-the-box strategies.

Raising Resilient Kids

Luiza Y. Coscia, author of Outcast to Outstanding: The Practical Guide to Understanding & Addressing the Drivers of Your Child’s Behavior, joined us as a special guest again this week. Luiza is an author, engineer, and mother of five children with special needs. Last time she was a guest on the podcast, we discussed the importance of being resilient as a parent. Today, we discuss some of her strategies for raising resilient children.

Luiza has a series of strategies that she employs in order to instill a sense of resilience into her children. She knows that at some point, all children will find themselves in situations that require them to exhibit the ability to remain resilient in the face of trouble. Coscia describes children’s brains as a sponge, and says that it is parent’s jobs to feed that. Through several different methods, Luiza teaches her children how to act resilient.

The first strategy that Luiza uses to help her children understand the importance of resilience is subjecting them to historical figures. By sharing the stories of others acts of resilience, she hopes her children will aim to exhibit the same traits. She told us about how her two year old son likes to share the story of Gandhi with others. Luiza will write down quotes from these historical figures, and talk about how their words have left legacies. She believes that children can look up to these people, and strive to be more like them.

Front Loading Resilience Strategies

Her second strategy is something that she likes to refer to as “front loading.” Front loading involves preparing children for difficult situations before they encounter them. For example, whenever she takes all five of her children bowling she will discuss with them that not all of them will win. However, she tells them that if they work hard on it, they will improve. She provides incentives for her children such as if everyone graciously loses, they will be allowed to play a second game.

The third strategy is to draw to children in order to help them learn. Luiza will illustrate things on kitchen napkins to teach her kids different ways of being resilient. She will display someone overcoming difficult situations, and exhibit that at the end things worked out properly. Luiza says that the drawings can range in complexity depending on the age of the child.

Another strategy that Luiza uses is modeling situations of resilience in her own life to her children. She says that you are your child’s hero, whether you feel like it or not. An example from her own life that she uses to illustrate her ability to be resilient is the difficulty she faces at home when her husband is out of town travelling for work. She asks her children if she should just give up, and throw in the towel. By displaying her own hardships, her children not only learn but offer to provide more help.

Now that you have taught your children some ways to be resilient, your fifth strategy would be to have your kids practice being resilient. Luiza will have her children imagine being in very difficult situations, and have them display resilience. Luiza does this by having them say out loud phrases such as, “this is difficult, but I will get through it.”

Live Resilience Every Day

Luiza’s final strategy is that you need to live resilience in your life. You have to communicate with your child, and talk about using resilience day to day. It is important for you to tell them situations in which you faced trials and tribulations, but were able to be resilient. If you employ Luiza Y. Coscia’s strategies, you will be able to successfully teach your children how to be resilient.

Listen to the full podcast for all of Luiza’s strategies.

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Stacy’s Journal

Welcome to Stacy’s Journal! In this segment, I let you peek into my journal as I share my thoughts on a topic or resilience resource.

I really love how Luiza shared ways to help our children become more resilient. I think every parent wants that. We can’t protect our children from all of the tough stuff that they will experience, that would be impossible! So in lieu of that, building resilience in them is the next best thing. I’d love to know some unique ways you’ve built resilience in your kids. Please share your ideas over on our Facebook page.

That’s all we have for today. Last episode, Luiza discussed the importance of being resilient as a parent ...