Ready Dad Go!

In episode 10 of Ready Dad Go! Podcast we are joined by our first guest Klemen Lipovšek. Father to a three year old boy, he shares his thoughts on struggles and rewards of parenting. Tune in!
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Demian and Lenart, continue with chapter 3: How We Feel: Emotion in Our Internal and Interpersonal Worlds - from the book "Parenting From the Inside Out" by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell.

This Chapter is about Emotions.

It is very important to understand emotions because they shape our internal world, our interpersonal worlds and it is very important how we deal with emotions when it comes to parenting and helping children to understand and deal with their emotions.

It is so important to attune to the emotions of our children and we personally found that this can be very difficult but extremely rewarding.

We discuss Primary and Categorical emotions.

We tap into the importance and science behind empathy.

When we attune ourselves to the emotions of another person, we actually start experiencing what that other person feels.

It is so important to be able to have this deeper understanding of our children's feelings because our children need to feel like they are being heard and understood.

Demian and Lenart, continue with chapter 8: How we disconnect and reconnect: Rupture and Repair - from the book "Parenting From the Inside Out" by Daniel J. Siegel. and Mary Hartzell.

People are not meant to live in isolation. We are dependent on others for our emotional wellbeing.

Having said that, everyone needs time to themselves, and when you are a parent, "me time" can be scarce, therefore it's expected that there will be times that you just don't have the headspace or have other things on your mind when you are with your child and sometimes this will cause a disconnection between you and your child.

The disconnection is felt by you as the parent as well as the child. It can bring up feelings of shame and guilt for the parent - often caused by implicit memories.

It also causes shame, confusion and even fear for the child.

This chapter is about identifying these disconnections (ruptures) and how to repair the connection again.

There are four types of disconnection

Oscillating Disconnection -

This is the natural flow of connection that one experiences on a day to day basis. We connect and disconnect with the people around us throughout the day.

Benign Rupture

These disconnections happen when you don't "quite" get the message from your child.

A parent might not understand what the child is asking for or needs - it can be harder to pick up with younger children as they do not have the vocabulary to express themselves yet.

You can't always be 100% in tune with your child.

When there is emotional distress or excitement when your child is trying to express him/herself, and you don't connect with your child, these benign ruptures can be a lot more painful and therefore it is very important that you repair these disconnections as soon as possible.

Limit-Setting Rupture

These are ruptures that happen when you are setting boundaries for your child.

You don't need to repair how your child is feeling. You can let your child feel all the emotions that she is feeling when you set your limits but it is important that you let her know that you understand how she feels.

By reflecting back their desire without fulfilling it is a different experience for them than just saying no!

Toxic Rupture

These ruptures are usually a consequence of screaming, shouting, name calling and even threatening behaviour by the parent - it often happens when we as parents enter the "Low Road" - which we speak about in another episode.

These ruptures are much more deep and distressing for the child and they are often accompanied by intense feelings of shame.

If you do not repair these ruptures it can influence the childs development and self awareness. The child can develop what is called a "shame dynamic" where they prevent themselves from feeling shame.

During a toxic rupture both the child and the parent can feel an intense sense of shame.

It is important to repair this rupture as soon as possible but make sure you are absolutely calm before you try and repair the relationship.

When trying to repair the connection, always acknowledge what you have done wrong too and provide words to what you did. This will help your child integrate the experience.

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#parenting #fatherhood #father #dad #dadlife #motherhood #mom #momlife #childhood #children #kids #exploring #learning #awareness #mindfulness #empathy #connection #presence #challenges #experience #sharing #sciencebased

Meet Demian and Lenart, two passionate dads!

In this first podcast, we stumble through our introductions, how we met and how this podcast came to be.

We dive into a book called "Parenting From the Inside Out" by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell.

We have decided to read this book and to share our thoughts, what we've learnt and how we've implemented our findings in every day fatherhood.

In the introduction to the book, the authors introduce themselves and their background and discuss the importance of self discovery, and how your own past experiences can influence your life and how you interact with your children.

They also emphasise that your experiences do not necessarily shape your children's future, but having a deeper understanding of your own past can improve your relationships with your children.

What impressed us from the get-go was how important it is to look inwards at ourselves before we can build strong meaningful relationships with our children and others.

We appreciate how Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell demonstrate the science behind their research and findings.

Demian and Lenart, continue with chapter 4: How We Communicate: Making Connections - from the book "Parenting From the Inside Out" by Daniel J. Siegel. and Mary Hartzell.

We discuss contingent communication, also referred to as collaborative communication

Contingent or collaborative communication is when the parent and child have a reciprocal give-and-take of signals.

It is subtle yet crucial for both parties to be able to tune into one another's verbal as well as non-verbal communication.

As a parent, we have to listen and reflect what our children are saying. We should often repeat back what we think we understand the child said. With this, the child will feel "felt" and "understood".

Even with infants where they rely wholly on non-verbal communication, we can do this by repeating the sounds and facial expressions back to the child.

This creates a connection with the baby and the baby feels connected and safe.

Contingent communication creates the foundation for the emotional well-being of a child.

Contingent communication also forces us to be open-minded because we have to receive the messages with all our senses and "hear" what was actually communicated. We are then not making conclusions from a predetermined mental model of what was expected.

In this episode we share some examples of how easy it is to miss the cues in communication and we so easily brush off reactions that could lead to our children feeling misunderstood, frustrated and disconnected.

Communicating in a collaborative way also expands our own sense of self and children develop their sense of self-knowledge through communication with their parents and caregivers.

It is impossible to be completely attentive 24/7 and just like us our children also need space in between so we must also remember to no be too hard on ourselves.