Ready Dad Go! Podcast - #5 Communication

Demian and Lenart, continue with chapter 4: How We Communicate: Making Connections - from the book "Parenting From the Inside Out" by Daniel J. Siegel. and Mary Hartzell.

We discuss contingent communication, also referred to as collaborative communication

Contingent or collaborative communication is when the parent and child have a reciprocal give-and-take of signals.

It is subtle yet crucial for both parties to be able to tune into one another's verbal as well as non-verbal communication.

As a parent, we have to listen and reflect what our children are saying. We should often repeat back what we think we understand the child said. With this, the child will feel "felt" and "understood".

Even with infants where they rely wholly on non-verbal communication, we can do this by repeating the sounds and facial expressions back to the child.

This creates a connection with the baby and the baby feels connected and safe.

Contingent communication creates the foundation for the emotional well-being of a child.

Contingent communication also forces us to be open-minded because we have to receive the messages with all our senses and "hear" what was actually communicated. We are then not making conclusions from a predetermined mental model of what was expected.

In this episode we share some examples of how easy it is to miss the cues in communication and we so easily brush off reactions that could lead to our children feeling misunderstood, frustrated and disconnected.

Communicating in a collaborative way also expands our own sense of self and children develop their sense of self-knowledge through communication with their parents and caregivers.

It is impossible to be completely attentive 24/7 and just like us our children also need space in between so we must also remember to no be too hard on ourselves.