Ep. 318: Gina Senarighi on Relationships, Granular Pleasures, and the Trouble with Self-Love
Explicit content warning
05/26/20 • 58 min
This week, I’m joined by Gina Senarighi, relationship coach, retreat leader, speaker, and author specializing in human connection, intimacy, authenticity, shame-resilience, and alternative relationships. Yes. She does a lot and is so smart!
Y'all are for a treat this week as we talk about how to live in relationship with ourselves and others, why putting all your eggs in the self-love basket may not be serving you, how to make the changes in your life (that actually stick!) and do the things that you love (even if you're not sure where to start!), what self-alignment at home and at work looks like and why pleasure is essential -- but shouldn't feel like a daunting endeavor. Enjoy, enjoy!
Things that were said:
"It's the micro changes that we make that builds whatever change we want long term."
"Our relationships with other people are founded in the relationship we have with our self.”
"Shame never motivates long term behavior change or sustainable changes in people's lives."
"Sometimes learning to love yourself comes in learning along with somebody else."
"When we start to savor the pleasures that we can add in to our day then it becomes less like all or nothing."
Those Timestamps!
04:44 - Importance of micro changes to make big changes in your life
08:17 - How your relationship with yourself sets your relationship with others
10:31 - Practical tips to find your way back to yourself
14:05 - How to not shrink yourself in relationships
20:46 - Self-alignment at work and at home
27:38 - Exercises for self-checking
30:18 - How to take action on things that will make you feel better
36:34 - Why chasing self-love before thinking about relationships may not be serving you
38:11 - Ways to improve motivation and reliability in the things you do
45:23 - Permission to pleasure amidst our busy lives
Show Notes:
Take the Agency Archetypes Quiz
This week, I’m joined by Gina Senarighi, relationship coach, retreat leader, speaker, and author specializing in human connection, intimacy, authenticity, shame-resilience, and alternative relationships. Yes. She does a lot and is so smart!
Y'all are for a treat this week as we talk about how to live in relationship with ourselves and others, why putting all your eggs in the self-love basket may not be serving you, how to make the changes in your life (that actually stick!) and do the things that you love (even if you're not sure where to start!), what self-alignment at home and at work looks like and why pleasure is essential -- but shouldn't feel like a daunting endeavor. Enjoy, enjoy!
Things that were said:
"It's the micro changes that we make that builds whatever change we want long term."
"Our relationships with other people are founded in the relationship we have with our self.”
"Shame never motivates long term behavior change or sustainable changes in people's lives."
"Sometimes learning to love yourself comes in learning along with somebody else."
"When we start to savor the pleasures that we can add in to our day then it becomes less like all or nothing."
Those Timestamps!
04:44 - Importance of micro changes to make big changes in your life
08:17 - How your relationship with yourself sets your relationship with others
10:31 - Practical tips to find your way back to yourself
14:05 - How to not shrink yourself in relationships
20:46 - Self-alignment at work and at home
27:38 - Exercises for self-checking
30:18 - How to take action on things that will make you feel better
36:34 - Why chasing self-love before thinking about relationships may not be serving you
38:11 - Ways to improve motivation and reliability in the things you do
45:23 - Permission to pleasure amidst our busy lives
Show Notes:
Take the Agency Archetypes Quiz
Previous Episode
Ep. 317: Those Things I've Gotten Wrong: A Very Incomplete List
This week, I'm taking a walk down memory lane to look at the things I've gotten wrong (some WAAAAAY wrong) in the past 5.5 years of doing this podcast.
You'll hear my revelations on risk, self-care and burnout, tackling big goals, pleasure, and how everything (annoyingly so!!) starts at home. (I'll also share what I mean by that!)
Aaaaand you'll hear me talk about why I'm comfortable sharing this list and what I'm doing about these revelations. Because this learning is part of the process and just because I've gotten things wrong in the past doesn't mean I can't keep going and bring my learning along with me!
Episode Quotes
"We cannot just say YES to the risk without also saying YES to the reverence."
"There is something really beautiful about realizing that you are stronger without the shield of all the things you've convinced yourself make you stronger."
"Self-care is a daily and ongoing devotion to yourself and the things you want to do."
"Pleasure and delight are not frivolous."
"The things that you want to do all starts with YOU and how are you showing up to yourself."
"It's not about what you are doing, it's about who are you being."
"The fix may not be quick, may not be comfortable, but it is available. Are you willing to show up anyway?"
Timestamps
07:45—What I got wrong about embracing risks
20:07—Rethinking Self-care & Burnout
30:08—The value of going deeper (and what I'd missed before!)
36:47—Confession: I'm a bit of a 'ping-ponger' (and the value of holding your course)
40:04—Everything starts at home...and how you can apply this learning to your life!
Show Notes:
Next Episode
Ep. 319: Black Lives Matter: On Showing up and Doing the Work
Rather than this week's regularly-scheduled episode, I'm using this time to address my commitment to learning and growing and being anti-racist. Please check out the resources in the show notes for further insight on how you can help and get involved.
Show Notes:
75 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice
How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi
White Fragility by Robin D'Angelo
I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown
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