Quiet The Clock

In episode 18 of the Quiet the Clock Podcast, therapist and host Beth Gulotta interviews Joanna Townsend about her story and the book club inspired by the book, "Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood." by Ruby Warrington. They discuss the societal expectations surrounding motherhood and the need to understand and validate the choice of not having children.

They also explore the concept of the motherhood spectrum, which recognizes that not everyone has the same experience or desire for motherhood. That the decision is not so binary as yes or no that women fall on many places on the spectrum of being unsure or undecided.

Joanna emphasizes the importance of offering language and validation for the diverse range of thoughts, beliefs, and struggles around motherhood. They highlight the need to normalize different stories and experiences and empower women to make their own choices.

Quotes:

• "It felt like an exhale to have language around the spectrum of motherhood.
• “I love what you said to like holding space for all of it right? No choice is 100% and holding space for the grief but the sort of this decision you can make room for all of it and I think that's so helpful for women to hear that there might not be 100% you know and that's okay there can and I talked to my clients about this all the time like you can feel more than one thing at once and just it's about holding space for all of it.”
• "Your choice is valid and we don't have to question it."

Key Points:

• The Motherhood Spectrum [00:06:49] Discussion on the concept of the motherhood spectrum and the validation it provides for women's varying feelings and experiences regarding motherhood.
• The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood [00:03:18] Introduction to the book "Women Without Kids: The Revolutionary Rise of an Unsung Sisterhood" and the importance of adding another voice to the conversation about women's journeys and choices.
• Challenging Assumptions and Stereotypes [00:04:26] Exploration of the assumptions and stereotypes surrounding the choice not to have children, and the need to challenge societal expectations and judgments.
• The response to posting the book [00:11:21] The speaker discusses the surprising response and the creation of a book club for "Women Without Kids."
• The power of finding like-minded women [00:12:27] The speaker talks about the relief and sense of belonging that comes from finding a community of women making similar choices.
• Personal decision and processing grief [00:14:33] The speaker shares their personal journey of arriving at the decision to not have children and the complexities and emotions involved.
• The variety and diversity of experiences [00:20:20] Discussion on women who didn't initially choose to be childless, but circumstances led them to make that choice later on.
• Reasons for choosing not to have children [00:22:20] Exploration of reasons such as intergenerational trauma, personal vision for life, and connecting with one's authentic self.
• Empowering women to make their own choices [00:25:31] Highlighting the importance of accepting and honoring women's choices, empowering them to make decisions without feeling judged or obligated.

Get professional counseling from Beth and her team:

Visit NYC Therapeutic Wellness here

Resources:

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Join Beth Gulotta and guest Diana Nguyen as they explore the personal and societal aspects of egg freezing. Diana recounts her journey, starting from a Thanksgiving family dinner suggestion to her company's support during her career transition. She shares the unexpected story of meeting her husband amidst the process of freezing her eggs and emphasizes the importance of support and acceptance in a relationship. The conversation also addresses the pressures of motherhood, career choices, and the significance of living life on one's own terms. Additionally, the episode touches on the mission of Diana's company, Madison Saville, to empower women. Beth and Diana discuss the value of modeling a full life to children, and the episode concludes with a call to listeners to separate external pressures from personal desires in all life decisions.

We Also Talk About:

• Diana's journey with egg freezing
• Influence of career transition on decision to freeze eggs
• Meeting husband during second round of egg freezing
• Emotional and logistical aspects of egg freezing process
• Societal pressures and expectations around motherhood and career
• Importance of normalizing different paths and timelines
• Separating personal desires from external pressures
• Empowerment and support for women navigating life decisions
• Importance of living life and pursuing goals while incorporating children
• Step-by-step guide to egg freezing and support for those considering the decision

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Affiliate Links

Osea - Skincare By The Sea - Use code QTCPOD10 to receive a one time use 10% off your order at oseamalibu.com

Mowellens - Organic. Regenerative. - Use this link to check out clean skin care products we love mowellens.com

Bombas - Goods That Do Good - Use code QTC20 to receive 20% off your first order at shopbombas.com

Kuli Kali - Pure Mooring Powder - Use this link to shop some of the delicious superfoods we love kulikulifoods.com

Little Words Project - Built On Kindness - Use code QTC to receive 15% off your first order at littlewordsproject.com

Fusionary Formulas - Discover the Power of Turmeric - Use code QUIETTHECLOCK to receive 15% off your first order at fusionaryformulas.com

Chapters

(00:00:58) - Diana's Journey (00:01:33) - Thanksgiving Dinner Conversation (00:03:02) - Transition from Finance to Fashion (00:07:40) - Egg Freezing Consultation (00:08:53) - Egg Freezing Process (00:14:08) - Second Round and Meeting Husband (00:16:26) - Dating During Egg Freezing (00:18:13) - Flowers and Second Date (00:18:58) - Support and Advice (00:19:48) - Misunderstandings and Age (00:21:11) - Career and Nontraditional Paths (00:22:25) - Empowerment and Emotional Process (00:24:07) - Company Philosophy and Purpose (00:26:40) - Pressure and Timelines (00:29:19) - Reassurance and Late Motherhood (00:31:07) - Maternal Instinct and Timing (00:34:40) - Parenting and Life Continuity (00:35:31) - Modeling Life to My Son (00:35:54) - Pressure to Be a Mom (00:36:27) - Questioning Career Choices (00:37:43) - Separating Voices (00:38:03) - Living Your Own Life (00:39:01) - Support for Egg Freezing Decision

Are you feeling the pressure to find a partner and start a family? Do you feel like societal expectations and gender roles are impacting your dating life? Do you feel frustrated with the landscape of this Modern dating world? If so, you're not alone.

In episode 15 of "Quiet the Clock," therapist Anne joins us to share her personal and professional experiences with dating, motherhood, and egg freezing. We discuss the challenges and frustrations women face in finding a partner and starting a family, and how societal expectations and gender roles impact dating and relationships.

As we dive into the topic, we discuss a book by Richard Reeves called "Boys and Men," which explores the changing roles and worth of men in society, and how this affects dating and relationships. We also share our personal experiences and frustrations with dating, and how we have learned to shift our perspectives and find joy in our own journeys.

We discuss the challenges of dating and the lack of transparency and communication in relationships. We explore the common excuse of not wanting anything serious and how it may be informed by fear or anxiety. We also touch on the linear approach to life that many men have, where they feel the need to establish their career and finances before committing to a relationship. Additionally, we share our experience of feeling pressure as women in the "danger zone" of dating, which can be a burden when trying to find a partner and start a family.

We also discuss the challenges of modern dating and the pressure to appear perfect and likable. We note that the abundance of options can lead to a fear of commitment and collude with anxieties about forming relationships. We also touch on the traditional gender roles that still linger in dating culture, such as the expectation that men should make the first move. We acknowledge that dating can be vulnerable and anxiety-inducing, but suggest that reframing it as an opportunity to explore personal preferences and experiences can make it more enjoyable and authentic.

Overall, this episode provides valuable insights and perspectives on the challenges and pressures women face in dating and relationships, and how to find joy in one's own journey. As Anne shares her experiences and expertise, we hope you'll find guidance and understanding in your own dating life.

So, if you're ready to learn more about how to navigate the challenges of dating and how to shift your perspective, tune in to this episode of "Quiet the Clock." And don't forget to subscribe to our podcast for more inspiring stories and insights.

As Anne says, "We're all just trying to figure it out." Let's do it together.

FOLLOW ANNE:

Anne Sandefur, JD, EdM, LMHC

Quotes:

• "it's more about if i'm gonna enter into this what am i getting out of it? yeah is this really what i want?"
• "Is this truly what you want for your journey, your goals, your values? Or are we colluding with a fear or anxiety that's keeping you from getting to where you actually wanna be?"
• "Making space for all of it and sometimes you might be more leaned into the negative thinking and giving yourself grace in those moments and then trying to bring yourself back to more positive thinking again."

Key Points:

• Navigating Dating, Motherhood, and Egg Freezing [00:00:39] Beth and Anne introduce the podcast and discuss the challenges women face in finding a partner and starting a family, and how societal expectations and gender roles impact dating and relationships.
• The Boys and Men Book by Richard Reeves [00:02:01] Beth and Anne discuss a book by Richard Reeves called "Boys and Men," which explores the changing roles and worth of men in society, and how this affects dating and relationships.
• Personal Frustrations with Dating [00:07:01] Anne shares her personal frustrations with dating, including being pursued for about three months and then having the relationship drop off.
• Men's fear of commitment [00:10:30] Beth and Anne discuss how men's fear and anxiety can affect their ability to commit to a relationship, and how this can create frustration and confusion for women.
• Linear thinking in dating and relationships [00:12:18] Beth and Anne talk about how men and women approach dating and relationships differently, with men often having a more linear approach to life and relationships, while women tend to multitask and prioritize different aspects of their lives simultaneously.
• The "danger zone" for women in dating [00:13:26] Beth and Anne discuss the societal pressure and expectations placed on women to find a partner and start a family, and how this can create anxiety and frustration for women, especially as they get older and are perceived to be in the "danger zone" for dating.
• The Biological Clock [00:1...

In this episode of "Quiet of Clock," Beth Gulotta reunites with her former client, Allison, to discuss Allison's transformative journey through therapy. Allison shares her struggle with societal expectations and the realization that she was not living authentically. She recounts her path to self-love, which began after a breakup and the loss of a loved one, leading her to seek therapy. The conversation covers Allison's decision to move to Los Angeles, redefine her career, and pursue her passion for storytelling and scriptwriting. Additionally, Allison talks about her choice to freeze her eggs at 41, the support she received, and her approach to dating, which led to a fulfilling relationship. Allison reflects on the importance of self-awareness, self-care, and open communication in personal growth and relationships.

We Also Talk About

• Transformative journey of a former client
• Prioritizing external markers vs. authentic self
• Societal pressure and expectations
• Journey to self-love and self-care
• Setting boundaries and filtering negative influences
• Pursuing personal dreams and values
• Redefining safety, security, and success
• Decision to freeze eggs and complexities of motherhood
• Navigating relationships and career decisions
• Power of self-awareness, self-care, and building a supportive community

Resources

• Subscribe on YouTube
• Subscribe on Apple Podcasts
• Subscribe on Spotify
• Follow on Instagram
• Follow on TikTok
• Therapy Support Website

Affiliate Links

Osea - Skincare By The Sea - Use code QTCPOD10 to receive a one time use 10% off your order at oseamalibu.com

Mowellens - Organic. Regenerative. - Use this link to check out clean skin care products we love mowellens.com

Bombas - Goods That Do Good - Use code QTC20 to receive 20% off your first order at shopbombas.com

Kuli Kali - Pure Mooring Powder - Use this link to shop some of the delicious superfoods we love kulikulifoods.com

Little Words Project - Built On Kindness - Use code QTC to receive 15% off your first order at littlewordsproject.com

Fusionary Formulas - Discover the Power of Turmeric - Use code QUIETTHECLOCK to receive 15% off your first order at fusionaryformulas.com

Are you feeling the pressure of the biological clock? Do you feel like you're running out of time to have children?

If so, then you'll want to listen to the latest episode of "Quiet the Clock" where I sit down with my close friend Quinn to discuss her journey with egg freezing.

Quinn is someone who has gone through the process of egg freezing multiple times and she shares her emotional complexities of doing it at multiple phases of her life, first, single which she shared allowed her to take the pressure off dating. Then twice in her relationship, without certainty of the direction of the relationship then one last time engaged and planning a wedding. Quinn talks about the complexities and range of different emotions of going through this process at such different stages.

We also discuss the financial considerations and the pressure women feel to have children before a certain age.

Quinn shares her experience with egg freezing and the control she felt over her fertility. She explains that she first learned about it from her gynecologist who had just attended a lecture by a doctor at a clinic in her town. Quinn decided to take the step and freeze her eggs, feeling like a trailblazer even though the procedure had been around for a while. While Quinn felt like there were components to the relationship and her road to motherhood that were uncertain or not totally within her control, she felt that freezing her eggs was and she wanted to do everything she could to ensure her chances of motherhood.

We also touch on the emotional toll of the process and the importance of seeking support from a psychologist. We share personal anecdotes about our own journeys and the uncertainties and breaking points we faced. The episode aims to provide a safe space for women to share their experiences and find support in navigating the complexities of fertility and motherhood.

Quinn encourages women to consider egg freezing as a form of insurance and to do it early if having a child is important to them. So, if you're interested in learning more about egg freezing and how you may be able to take more control of your motherhood journey, tune in to the latest episode of "Quiet the Clock."

Get professional counseling from Beth and her team:

Visit NYC Therapeutic Wellness here

Quotes:

• "I like the concept of insurance...just freeze your eggs...think of it as something that you can have if needed."
• "you've gotta do what makes you feel better."
• "it is like a disability for women in a sense that's not funded like you know the fact that insurance doesn't cover it is pathetic um because it's aging and aging is our like fertility disability"

Key Points

• Quinn's first egg freezing experience [00:02:48] Quinn shares her experience of freezing her eggs for the first time when she was 34 years old and single. She talks about the pressure she felt to have children before a certain age and how freezing her eggs helped her separate dating from the pressure of having children.
• Financial considerations of egg freezing [00:04:00] Beth and Quinn discuss the financial cost of egg freezing and how it can be a big consideration for women who are considering the process. Quinn shares how her mother paid for her first round of egg freezing and how it helped take some of the emotional burden off of her.
• Emotional complexities of egg freezing [00:07:42] Beth and Quinn discuss the emotional complexities of egg freezing, particularly for women who are single versus those who are in a relationship. Quinn shares how she felt depressed, pathetic, and embarrassed about freezing her eggs while being single.
• Egg Freezing Consultation [00:07:58] Quinn talks about how she learned about egg freezing and her consultation with a doctor who framed it as a "fertility disability" for women.
• Financial Considerations [00:08:47] Beth and Quinn discuss the lack of insurance coverage for egg freezing and how it is becoming more common as a benefit in tech companies.
• Second Round of Egg Freezing [00:09:16] Quinn discusses her decision to freeze her eggs again at age 40 while in a relationship and the emotional complexities of keeping the process separate from her relationship.
• Control and Body Guilt [00:15:03] Quinn talks about how egg freezing gave her a sense of control over her fertility and how she felt guilty about putting her body through the process.
• Uncertainty and Psychic Reading [00:17:32] Quinn discusses her anxiety about the future and the unknowns of her relationship, including considering having a child on her own. She also shares her experience with a psychic reading that gave her hope and validation.
• Embarrassment and Shame [00:20:41] Quinn shares her embarr...