Shopping With Ghosts: Finding Joy in Anticipatory Grief
05/13/25 • 23 min
I would love to hear from you. Send me questions or comments.
Grief doesn't wait for goodbye. It weaves through every moment of the dementia caregiving journey, creating a complex emotional landscape that few discuss openly.
When your loved one sits across from you—looking the same but fundamentally changed—you experience what experts call "anticipatory grief." You mourn what's already lost while simultaneously dreading future losses. The shopping trips you can no longer take together. The recipes they once taught you but now cannot remember. The phone calls that might someday stop coming.
This episode explores the profound reality that dementia creates two different people: who they were before diagnosis and who they are now. We delve into the heartbreaking contradiction of seeing someone physically present yet cognitively altered, and how caregivers must navigate this strange in-between space. The conversation touches on role reversal, dignity preservation, and finding moments to acknowledge your grief even while actively caregiving.
Whether you're currently caring for someone with dementia or supporting someone who is, this candid discussion offers validation and gentle guidance. The emotional weight of watching someone you love gradually change is immense, yet understanding that grief accompanies every stage of caregiving can help you be kinder to yourself throughout the journey.
Grab your beverage of choice—coffee, tea, or perhaps wine on the difficult days—and join us at Patty's Place, where difficult conversations happen with compassion and no one needs to face these challenges alone. Share your own experiences with anticipatory grief or connect with others walking a similar path by reaching out through our website or social media channels.
I would love to hear from you. Send me questions or comments.
Grief doesn't wait for goodbye. It weaves through every moment of the dementia caregiving journey, creating a complex emotional landscape that few discuss openly.
When your loved one sits across from you—looking the same but fundamentally changed—you experience what experts call "anticipatory grief." You mourn what's already lost while simultaneously dreading future losses. The shopping trips you can no longer take together. The recipes they once taught you but now cannot remember. The phone calls that might someday stop coming.
This episode explores the profound reality that dementia creates two different people: who they were before diagnosis and who they are now. We delve into the heartbreaking contradiction of seeing someone physically present yet cognitively altered, and how caregivers must navigate this strange in-between space. The conversation touches on role reversal, dignity preservation, and finding moments to acknowledge your grief even while actively caregiving.
Whether you're currently caring for someone with dementia or supporting someone who is, this candid discussion offers validation and gentle guidance. The emotional weight of watching someone you love gradually change is immense, yet understanding that grief accompanies every stage of caregiving can help you be kinder to yourself throughout the journey.
Grab your beverage of choice—coffee, tea, or perhaps wine on the difficult days—and join us at Patty's Place, where difficult conversations happen with compassion and no one needs to face these challenges alone. Share your own experiences with anticipatory grief or connect with others walking a similar path by reaching out through our website or social media channels.
Previous Episode
Beyond Memory: Understanding Dementia's True Impact-Guests Dr. Travis Stroub from Rush University Medical Center & Dr. Timothy Weldon from University of St Francis
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The staggering truth hits like a punch to the gut: 7.2 million Americans are currently living with Alzheimer's, and that number could nearly double to 13.8 million by 2060. As the seventh leading cause of death in the United States, dementia's impact reaches far beyond those diagnosed – it transforms families and tests the limits of our healthcare system.
Our guests, Dr. Tim Walden from the University of St. Francis and Dr. Travis Staub from Rush University Medical Center, bring clarity to this complex topic by explaining that dementia isn't just one condition but an umbrella covering various disorders affecting cognition. While Alzheimer's may be the most recognized, vascular dementia, Lewy body disease, and frontotemporal dementia each present unique challenges requiring different approaches.
The financial burden is almost incomprehensible – nearly 12 million family members provide 19 billion hours of unpaid care annually, valued at over $413 billion. Monthly care costs range from $4,000 to over $8,000, creating immense strain on families already struggling with the emotional devastation of watching someone they love slowly slip away.
Yet amidst these sobering statistics, our experts offer powerful hope through prevention strategies backed by research. Exercise emerges as perhaps the most effective intervention, with a clear relationship between fitness levels and reduced dementia risk. The MIND Diet developed at Rush University Medical Center provides a nutritional roadmap specifically designed for brain health. Social connections, continued learning, and regular medical check-ups all contribute to building what researchers call "cognitive reserve" – the brain's resilience against decline.
For those already on the caregiving journey, our guests offer this profound wisdom: though the person may seem gone, they're still there. The challenge lies in continuing to see and honor the individual beyond the disease. Whether you're concerned about your own brain health, supporting a loved one, or simply want to understand this growing health crisis, this episode provides essential insights that could change how you think about aging and memory.
Next Episode
Finding Joy While Caring for Parents with Dementia-Interview with author Brenda Prater Sellers
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The emotional toll of caring for a loved one with dementia can be overwhelming, but finding moments of joy, laughter, and connection might just save your sanity. Author Brenda Prater-Sellers joins us to share her deeply personal journey of caring for her mother through ten years of dementia - a challenge she describes as more difficult than climbing Mount Everest or jumping from planes.
With disarming honesty and warmth, Brenda reveals how her "sweet, timid Christian mother" underwent dramatic personality changes, and the strategies that helped her navigate this challenging terrain. Rather than constantly correcting her mother (which often led to agitation), Brenda learned to enter her mother's reality, discovering five specific approaches that brought comfort: scenic drives, ice cream treats, story reading, classic TV shows, and receiving mail.
The conversation takes a practical turn as Brenda shares crucial time management strategies that allowed her to balance caregiving with running multiple businesses and maintaining her own mental health. "If you don't schedule time for yourself, your day is going to be gone before you know it," she advises fellow caregivers. Her ingenious approach of asking her mother for help with simple tasks rather than telling her what to do resonates with caregiving experts everywhere.
Perhaps most powerfully, Brenda discusses choosing laughter over tears when facing difficult behaviors. "I just had to laugh. Otherwise, you're so sad that this happened." This philosophy not only preserved her wellbeing but created unexpected moments of connection with her mother.
Brenda's experiences formed the foundation of her book "You Slept When? Calamities of a Clumsy Businesswoman," which has raised over $50,000 for Alzheimer's Tennessee and other nonprofits. Whether you're currently caring for someone with dementia or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers both practical strategies and emotional comfort for the journey ahead.
Patty's Place - Shopping With Ghosts: Finding Joy in Anticipatory Grief
Transcript
Welcome to Patty's Place , a place where we will talk about grief , dementia and caregiving . I'm your host , lisa , so grab a cup of tea , a cup of coffee or , if you're really having a rough day , a glass of wine and let's dive into these difficult topics of time . Today , I thought we might talk about grief and caregiving , you know , because we always tend to think that grie
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