Patty's Place

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The emotional toll of caring for a loved one with dementia can be overwhelming, but finding moments of joy, laughter, and connection might just save your sanity. Author Brenda Prater-Sellers joins us to share her deeply personal journey of caring for her mother through ten years of dementia - a challenge she describes as more difficult than climbing Mount Everest or jumping from planes.
With disarming honesty and warmth, Brenda reveals how her "sweet, timid Christian mother" underwent dramatic personality changes, and the strategies that helped her navigate this challenging terrain. Rather than constantly correcting her mother (which often led to agitation), Brenda learned to enter her mother's reality, discovering five specific approaches that brought comfort: scenic drives, ice cream treats, story reading, classic TV shows, and receiving mail.
The conversation takes a practical turn as Brenda shares crucial time management strategies that allowed her to balance caregiving with running multiple businesses and maintaining her own mental health. "If you don't schedule time for yourself, your day is going to be gone before you know it," she advises fellow caregivers. Her ingenious approach of asking her mother for help with simple tasks rather than telling her what to do resonates with caregiving experts everywhere.
Perhaps most powerfully, Brenda discusses choosing laughter over tears when facing difficult behaviors. "I just had to laugh. Otherwise, you're so sad that this happened." This philosophy not only preserved her wellbeing but created unexpected moments of connection with her mother.
Brenda's experiences formed the foundation of her book "You Slept When? Calamities of a Clumsy Businesswoman," which has raised over $50,000 for Alzheimer's Tennessee and other nonprofits. Whether you're currently caring for someone with dementia or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers both practical strategies and emotional comfort for the journey ahead.

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I would love to hear from you. Send me questions or comments.

Support the show

I would love to hear from you. Send me questions or comments.

Support the show

I would love to hear from you. Send me questions or comments.

Communicating with someone who has dementia requires entering their reality rather than expecting them to function in ours. Understanding that their brain is physically changing helps us respond with compassion instead of frustration.
• People with dementia aren't being difficult or stubborn on purpose—their brain function is deteriorating
• The person looks the same but their cognitive abilities have significantly changed
• Short-term memory loss means they genuinely don't remember instructions or conversations from minutes earlier
• "Agree, don't argue" is a fundamental principle in dementia communication
• It's okay to use calming stories rather than correcting misperceptions
• People with dementia only exist in the present moment—they don't recall the past or anticipate the future
• Redirection and reassurance are more effective than arguments about reality
• The goal should be providing peace and safety in what has become a frightening world for them
• Entering their world allows for meaningful connection despite cognitive decline
• The Alzheimer's Association website offers valuable resources for dementia communication
I would love to hear from you. Please send me an email through the website with your questions or topics you'd like me to address in future episodes.

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Ever feel like you're drowning in caregiving responsibilities while your own needs fade silently into the background? In this raw, honest exploration of caregiver burnout, we dive deep into the often-overlooked world of self-care during life's most challenging chapters.
Caregiving demands everything from us—our time, energy, patience, and heart. When caring for someone with dementia or navigating the complex landscape of grief, we excel at fighting for others while forgetting to advocate for ourselves. The result? A dangerous pattern of self-neglect disguised as strength or duty.
This episode unpacks practical, accessible ways to incorporate genuine self-care into even the most demanding caregiving schedules. From simple emotional release strategies (screaming into pillows, aggressive baking, or coloring apps) to establishing vital boundaries with well-meaning friends, we explore how small moments of self-compassion can prevent caregiver collapse. The truth is refreshingly simple: if you become sick or burned out, you can't effectively care for your loved one.
Beyond practical tips, we tackle the deeper challenges of caregiver self-compassion—the comparison trap, the difficulty accepting help, and the powerful realization that just because you're "up, dressed, and at work" doesn't mean you're okay. Learn why telling someone they're "so strong" rarely helps and why validating the genuine difficulty of their situation often provides more comfort than solutions.
Whether you're deep in the caregiving trenches or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers perspective-shifting insights that honor both the caregiver and the cared-for. Remember: taking care of yourself isn't selfish—it's essential to sustainable caregiving.

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