You Glorifying Your Addiction Makes Me Trust You Less

11/10/22 • 30 min

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a betrayed spouse who is incredibly hurt to find out her partner still believes his acting out activities were worth it. In cases like these, especially when an addict is new to recovery, you have to communicate your hurt feelings and lack of trust in him. It can be painful for anybody to hear this from their partner and they must know that they’re starting back from zero. More on this in this week’s episode.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] What is considered “healthy” masturbation?

[3:35] You need other people as guides. Community is the most important part of your recovery.

[6:20] Betrayed spouses, you might unintentionally be de-incentivizing your addict to be honest.

[7:30] Remember, addicts lie. Double confirm what their therapist said.

[7:50] Can my husband really be making amends if he thinks those acting-out activities were “worth it”?

[12:55] How can I help my wife through her triggers when it comes to my infidelity?

[16:45] My wife has decided to come back. She is still hurt and angry. Can I set boundaries on what she’s saying to me?

[20:40] We all need healthy boundaries!

[22:00] My husband refuses to acknowledge my pain and hurt. He gives me the silent treatment instead. Is this abusive?

[26:45] My husband will not provide formal disclosure and his therapist isn’t pushing it either. What should I do?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: [email protected]

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] What is considered “healthy” masturbation?

[3:35] You need other people as guides. Community is the most important part of your recovery.

[6:20] Betrayed spouses, you might unintentionally be de-incentivizing your addict to be honest.

[7:30] Remember, addicts lie. Double confirm what their therapist said.

[7:50] Can my husband really be making amends if he thinks those acting-out activities were “worth it”?

[12:55] How can I help my wife through her triggers when it comes to my infidelity?

[16:45] My wife has decided to come back. She is still hurt and angry. Can I set boundaries on what she’s saying to me?

[20:40] We all need healthy boundaries!

[22:00] My husband refuses to acknowledge my pain and hurt. He gives me the silent treatment instead. Is this abusive?

[26:45] My husband will not provide formal disclosure and his therapist isn’t pushing it either. What should I do?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: [email protected]

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Previous Episode

I’ve Been in Recovery for Two Years. Why Are Things Not Back to Normal?

Dr. Rob and Tami explain to someone in recovery why their betrayed spouse still feels hurt and angry despite him being in recovery for the last two years. Will things ever go back to normal? The answer is no. Dr. Rob explains that “normal” was not sustainable. You were an addict and you were living a lie! As you go forward in your marriage, you have to embrace a new normal.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] My wife thinks she doesn’t respect herself for coming back and forgiving me. How can I show up for her?

[6:25] I have shifted my addiction so it’s no longer toxic. Am I technically “cured”?

[10:55] As an addict, you’re asking the wrong question!

[11:55] We can’t seem to find a CSAT that we can afford. What can we do?

[17:05] Mental health is health care and you want the very best you can find.

[18:55] I want to love him, but how do I take care of myself?

[24:55] My wife doesn’t believe the recovery has helped. How can I be more consistent?

[29:35] Are you really listening to her?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: [email protected]

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Next Episode

I Broke Her Trust and I Keep Messing Up

Dr. Rob and Tami answer a question from a man who is breaking his connection with his spouse. When he and she are in conflict, he can’t seem to find a way to make her feel better, show up for her in her pain, and understand. His lack of empathy is pushing their relationship further and further away and he’s afraid of losing her. Dr. Rob shares how you can build empathy with a betrayed partner, in this week’s episode.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] What’s the best way to find a sponsor?

[2:45] It’s okay to ask for help. Find someone similar to you who is a little bit ahead of you.

[4:55] Can EMDR help “cure” me?

[8:45] How can I hurt my wife less?

[13:25] How can I build my empathy a little bit more?

[16:00] My SA keeps bouncing back and forth in wanting to go to recovery. When is enough enough?

[19:55] Men also get betrayed. There are also women sex addicts. They exist!

[24:55] Can you do EMDR multiple times?

[27:00] Just because you’re hurt doesn’t mean you still don’t love them. Your pain doesn’t erase all your other emotions for that person.

[28:40 Does delusional thinking continue while in recovery?

RESOURCES: