My Addict Still Acts Out. Should We Get Back Together?
07/29/22 • 31 min
Dr. Rob and Tami answer a painful question from a listener. Should you get back with your partner that continues to act out? A relationship is a two-way street, if he is not putting in the effort to be a better husband and father, then you need to start taking care of yourself and do what’s best for your children. An addict will always find an excuse to “put it off.” It’s painful and tragic, but Dr. Rob and Tami have a support group for betrayed spouses who need to heal from the pain their addict has caused.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:30] Can a SA be a sponsor even when they haven’t completed all the steps?
[4:45] Acting in service of others is always going to be a good thing.
[5:45] Dr. Rob, can you tell me a little bit more about DBT?
[7:40] Is there a specific order for recovery when you have more than one addiction?
[12:10] How many meetings a week should an addict attend?
[17:20] I separated from my addict. Now what? Should we divorce or try to keep working on it?
[23:45] Why would someone fantasize having sex with strangers?
[26:40] No one can control their fantasies!
[29:50] You can set expectations but you can’t make them happen.
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weissmklllkkkjlj
Dr. Rob and Tami answer a painful question from a listener. Should you get back with your partner that continues to act out? A relationship is a two-way street, if he is not putting in the effort to be a better husband and father, then you need to start taking care of yourself and do what’s best for your children. An addict will always find an excuse to “put it off.” It’s painful and tragic, but Dr. Rob and Tami have a support group for betrayed spouses who need to heal from the pain their addict has caused.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:30] Can a SA be a sponsor even when they haven’t completed all the steps?
[4:45] Acting in service of others is always going to be a good thing.
[5:45] Dr. Rob, can you tell me a little bit more about DBT?
[7:40] Is there a specific order for recovery when you have more than one addiction?
[12:10] How many meetings a week should an addict attend?
[17:20] I separated from my addict. Now what? Should we divorce or try to keep working on it?
[23:45] Why would someone fantasize having sex with strangers?
[26:40] No one can control their fantasies!
[29:50] You can set expectations but you can’t make them happen.
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weissmklllkkkjlj
Previous Episode
Addiction Is a Disease of Disconnection. The Cure is Connection!
Dr. Rob and Tami bust a common lie addicts often tell themselves; that they can go through the recovery process “by themselves.” Think again! Addiction is a disease of disconnection. The only way out of it is learning how to connect, that is the essence of what recovery is. Addicts have to learn how to be vulnerable, learn empathy, and uncouple the narrative that they’re terrible people.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:25] My betrayed girlfriend of 10-plus years will not participate in the recovery process. Is there anything I can do?
[2:35] Not everyone wants to go to therapy. You can’t make them go.
[6:40] Everyone can make lemonade out of lemons!
[7:25] I’m terrified to leave my house because my SA said he’d act out anytime I was gone. How can I be strong in my boundaries?
[15:05] What is “Three Circle” and should we do it?
[19:10] I relapsed and my partner is going through trauma from it. How can I help?
[22:00] It all boils down to trust. Your partner found out before you disclosed it. Of course, she’s upset!
[29:00[ My husband wants to do all of this work “by himself.” What do I do?
[31:10] Addiction is a disease of disconnection and isolation. Nobody recovers alone. The cure is connection!
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Next Episode
Your Urges Do Pass! The Discomfort is Only Temporary
Dr. Rob and Tami share their thoughts on what to do if none of your friends or sponsors are picking up the phone in times of crisis. It’s a horrible situation to be in, but the urges do pass. Whatever you do, do not go out that door to go act out. If the people in your life aren’t showing up for you in a way that you need, then go out and find the right sponsor and people for you.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:30] We signed a commitment letter. He’s broken it. Now what?
[10:15] Our children are in therapy. Should we tell the therapists about my husband’s sex addiction?
[13:00] My job has been stressful and a big trigger. What can I do?
[20:15] Addiction is a disease of disconnection. If you disconnect, you’re probably going to act out.
[23:50] My anger is so intense. I am so angry. How can I feel better?
[29:45] When you’re in your anger, you’re in your healing. Dr. Rob explains what he means.
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
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