Addiction Is a Disease of Disconnection. The Cure is Connection!
07/21/22 • 32 min
Dr. Rob and Tami bust a common lie addicts often tell themselves; that they can go through the recovery process “by themselves.” Think again! Addiction is a disease of disconnection. The only way out of it is learning how to connect, that is the essence of what recovery is. Addicts have to learn how to be vulnerable, learn empathy, and uncouple the narrative that they’re terrible people.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:25] My betrayed girlfriend of 10-plus years will not participate in the recovery process. Is there anything I can do?
[2:35] Not everyone wants to go to therapy. You can’t make them go.
[6:40] Everyone can make lemonade out of lemons!
[7:25] I’m terrified to leave my house because my SA said he’d act out anytime I was gone. How can I be strong in my boundaries?
[15:05] What is “Three Circle” and should we do it?
[19:10] I relapsed and my partner is going through trauma from it. How can I help?
[22:00] It all boils down to trust. Your partner found out before you disclosed it. Of course, she’s upset!
[29:00[ My husband wants to do all of this work “by himself.” What do I do?
[31:10] Addiction is a disease of disconnection and isolation. Nobody recovers alone. The cure is connection!
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Dr. Rob and Tami bust a common lie addicts often tell themselves; that they can go through the recovery process “by themselves.” Think again! Addiction is a disease of disconnection. The only way out of it is learning how to connect, that is the essence of what recovery is. Addicts have to learn how to be vulnerable, learn empathy, and uncouple the narrative that they’re terrible people.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:25] My betrayed girlfriend of 10-plus years will not participate in the recovery process. Is there anything I can do?
[2:35] Not everyone wants to go to therapy. You can’t make them go.
[6:40] Everyone can make lemonade out of lemons!
[7:25] I’m terrified to leave my house because my SA said he’d act out anytime I was gone. How can I be strong in my boundaries?
[15:05] What is “Three Circle” and should we do it?
[19:10] I relapsed and my partner is going through trauma from it. How can I help?
[22:00] It all boils down to trust. Your partner found out before you disclosed it. Of course, she’s upset!
[29:00[ My husband wants to do all of this work “by himself.” What do I do?
[31:10] Addiction is a disease of disconnection and isolation. Nobody recovers alone. The cure is connection!
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Previous Episode
He’s Sober, but Still So Emotionally Walled Off. Will It Ever Get Better?
Dr. Rob and Tami help define what the definition of true recovery is in this week’s episode. If you or a spouse is ‘sober’ that doesn’t always mean they’re on a path of recovery. Dr. Rob shares some signs that show you’re actually making progress towards becoming a better person. Dr. Rob and Tami also talk about why it can take so long for a sober addict to actually ‘be’ a good person that can connect empathically with their spouse.
TAKEAWAYS:
[0:25] Is remorse necessary for recovery and healing? My SA hasn’t demonstrated any remorse throughout his recovery.
[4:35] What is the definition of recovery?
[6:25] My husband has trouble connecting emotionally. Will he ever be able to authentically connect with me?
[10:30] Just because they’re sober doesn’t mean they’re automatically going to be nice to you. This process takes time.
[11:05] My heart still aches that my SA acted out for the last 15+ years with friends of mine. I’m having trouble pretending it never happened.
[12:00] Dr. Rob can tell based on how an addict in treatment talks and whether they’re talking sobriety seriously or not. When they leave treatment, that’s just the first step on a long journey.
[15:00] Unfortunately, you won’t be able to look at this person again.
[18:10] As a betrayed spouse, your whole world has been poisoned. It makes sense why the brain can’t just ‘forget’ that.
[19:25] What is hyperphantasia?
[23:10] An affair partner reached out to me. I blocked her. My spouse is still upset that this woman reached out and wants to verify whether one of this woman’s children is biologically mine. This would mean unblocking the affair partner to ask her. What can I do to comfort her?
[25:25] Betrayed spouses can hyper fixate on the why and get stuck in the process. They want to bring the affair partner in thinking it’ll lead to closure. It won’t.
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Next Episode
My Addict Still Acts Out. Should We Get Back Together?
Dr. Rob and Tami answer a painful question from a listener. Should you get back with your partner that continues to act out? A relationship is a two-way street, if he is not putting in the effort to be a better husband and father, then you need to start taking care of yourself and do what’s best for your children. An addict will always find an excuse to “put it off.” It’s painful and tragic, but Dr. Rob and Tami have a support group for betrayed spouses who need to heal from the pain their addict has caused.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:30] Can a SA be a sponsor even when they haven’t completed all the steps?
[4:45] Acting in service of others is always going to be a good thing.
[5:45] Dr. Rob, can you tell me a little bit more about DBT?
[7:40] Is there a specific order for recovery when you have more than one addiction?
[12:10] How many meetings a week should an addict attend?
[17:20] I separated from my addict. Now what? Should we divorce or try to keep working on it?
[23:45] Why would someone fantasize having sex with strangers?
[26:40] No one can control their fantasies!
[29:50] You can set expectations but you can’t make them happen.
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: [email protected]
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weissmklllkkkjlj
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