Normal Is A Lie! How Special Needs Families Do Life Differently
12/06/21 • 61 min
Normal is Lie: Doing Life Differently as a Special Needs Parent
We are taking you to “Church” this week!
In this episode, we draw the distinctions of The Family Systems Theory and how it is a harmful model in setting the pace or standard for family life. The prototype of the family when there is a child with a disability, it’s much different. That model also sees disability as negative. The problem with that is that pathology sets the tone for the points of view society has about disability. Yes, disability is real, but it doesn’t have to be bad. It can be really beautiful, not that I want to romanticize it, you just don’t want people to miss out on the good things or write off the value our children bring to the world.
Hardest part of all, we don’t have a point of reference for the framework(s) of families like ours.
With that comes the additional layers of shame, comparison, and feeling like a burden.
Perfectly functioning nuclear families aren’t the pinnacle of human society and what we don’t know is that this model has to be thrown out once we embrace or know our child has a diagnosis.
We are conditioned and groomed for a different kind of life, and it’s not the one we have been handed.
Again, it is important to recognize we don’t have a point of reference like the nuclear family with neurotypical or typically developing children.
Helpful tips:
- Lower your expectations
- Delegate the things you think are only “mom duties”
- Reframe the setbacks as opportunities to reflect
- You don’t have to do it all
- Prioritize what is most important
- Don’t subscribe to cliches
- Your biggest job is to become mentally strong
Check us out and say hello
Where to find Moms Talk Autism
Where to find Jody
Where to find Shannon
Where to find Jean
Where to find Tash
Where to find Brittney
Normal is Lie: Doing Life Differently as a Special Needs Parent
We are taking you to “Church” this week!
In this episode, we draw the distinctions of The Family Systems Theory and how it is a harmful model in setting the pace or standard for family life. The prototype of the family when there is a child with a disability, it’s much different. That model also sees disability as negative. The problem with that is that pathology sets the tone for the points of view society has about disability. Yes, disability is real, but it doesn’t have to be bad. It can be really beautiful, not that I want to romanticize it, you just don’t want people to miss out on the good things or write off the value our children bring to the world.
Hardest part of all, we don’t have a point of reference for the framework(s) of families like ours.
With that comes the additional layers of shame, comparison, and feeling like a burden.
Perfectly functioning nuclear families aren’t the pinnacle of human society and what we don’t know is that this model has to be thrown out once we embrace or know our child has a diagnosis.
We are conditioned and groomed for a different kind of life, and it’s not the one we have been handed.
Again, it is important to recognize we don’t have a point of reference like the nuclear family with neurotypical or typically developing children.
Helpful tips:
- Lower your expectations
- Delegate the things you think are only “mom duties”
- Reframe the setbacks as opportunities to reflect
- You don’t have to do it all
- Prioritize what is most important
- Don’t subscribe to cliches
- Your biggest job is to become mentally strong
Check us out and say hello
Where to find Moms Talk Autism
Where to find Jody
Where to find Shannon
Where to find Jean
Where to find Tash
Where to find Brittney
Previous Episode
Trust: How do we trust others to care for our kiddos? - With Tash Dillmon, Jody Warshawsky, Jean Mayer & Shannon Korza
Today we talked about trusting others to care for our autistic children. Whether family members, teachers or therapists. We talked about how we can gain that trust and also how to let go of our fears and find confidence in others.
We hope you'll gain better insight into why we are sometimes stuck in wanting to control situations involving our kids. We also want to shed light on how trusting others can alleviate some of the stress of needing to do everything for our kids.
*What is the deeper cause of distrust with family members/
*What can we do to help and gain more trust and better communication with those who care for our kids?
*What would be the benefit of letting go of control and trusting?
Check us out and say hello
Where to find Moms Talk Autism
Where to find Jody
Where to find Shannon
Where to find Jean
Where to find Tash
Where to find Brittney
Next Episode
Moms Talk Siblings- With Brittney Crabtree, Tash Dillmon, Shannon Korza, Jean Mayer, & Jody Warshawsky
Talking about ALL of the kids today. We discussed the ins and outs of parenting neuro-divergent and neuro-typical children within each of our families. Age gaps, sibling dynamics, and what we hope the future holds for each of our kids as they grow up and become more independent.
We hope you can relate to one or more of our stories today. All of our families are very different, which means sibling relationships can be very different. There is no right way to do this parenting thing, but hearing others’ stories can hopefully spark some ideas to implement in your own home. Most importantly, we hope this episode gives you hope on how to discuss divergence within your own family and close friends.
*In what ways do you parent each of your children differently? What are their unique needs?
*How can we talk about autism and our family dynamic in an open and honest way? With others outside our family?
*Consider opening up to your children about your family concerns. How can your typical kids participate in including their special needs siblings?
Where to find Moms Talk Autism
Where to find Jody
Where to find Shannon
Where to find Jean
Where to find Tash
Where to find Brittney
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