#24 Why Doesn't She Want Me? Dealing With Rejection, Perfectionism & Blaming Ourselves

05/28/24 • 55 min

Mental Health And Men's Health With Hearts Wide Open

In this episode we tried something new! If you're able to, definitely check out the video version of this episode on Spotify or YouTube, because we're PAINTING as we have this conversation about a variety of thought-provoking topics that we as young men are faced with. It helps us a lot, if you take a moment to let us know what you think about this new format.

This week Soroosh asked himself why he obsesses about the reasons why someone rejected him after a date. We're sure you can relate, if you ever asked yourself: Why am I not good enough for her? or why doesn’t she want me?

Why do we obsess about these questions? Why is this person able to make me question my entire being even though she may not even know me well enough to judge me.

Oftentimes this makes us feel left out and alone, without a good reason as to why. "I'm just not good enough for her." Does it actually matter, if we knew why we got rejected? What would it change, if the outcome (the rejection) is this the same? So do we need to find out why we got rejected

Does it make sense to want an answer so I can improve myself for the next person? Would it maybe help me save the relationship with this person? In dating: When is it helpful to know the reasons for rejection and when is it not?

As Soroosh and Dennis complete this freestyle painting, they share from their own personal experiences and impressions with this topic and end up also touching upon the relation with the topics of perfectionism and blaming ourselves. They're having a vibrant discussion on the pro's and con's of perfectionism and living a life with a perfectionist mindset while blaming ourselves for our numerous shortcomings in the eyes of everyone else.

Want to join our online men's circle? You can put yourself on the waiting list by getting in touch with us (see below). We're launching soon!

Have a question, a guest in mind who should be on our podcast or a topic that you think we should cover related to men's mental health? Send us a voice message on Spotify, DM us via our Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@hearts_wide_open_podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or simply mail us at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you're enjoying the podcast, your 5-star review really helps us amplify the voice for men's health and motivates us to lead by example in showing that men can open up space where it's okay to be vulnerable and authentic.

Why do we obsess about these questions? Why is this person able to make me question my entire being even though she may not even know me well enough to judge me.

Want to join our online men's circle? You can put yourself on the waiting list by getting in touch with us (see below). We're launching soon!

Previous Episode

#23 The Modern Dad: How To Be A Good Father, When I’m Still Dealing With My Own Childhood? Equal Parenting With @Vollblutvater

On this episode Soroosh and Dennis sat down with Lukas aka @vollblutvater who is an advocate for the equal parenting model and sharing his experience as an involved father on his social channels.

Lukas explains what equal parenting or shared care means for him and his wife and why they chose this model. He shares about building a father son connection with his newborn and how equal care looks in practice also talks about the struggles that come with juggling both work and being a parent and why it’s all worth it for him.

Does being a parent slow his (career) growth? How does he deal with backlash and what others think about the path he chose? How do you both provide for a child and build an emotional connection as a father? How did Lukas go from idolizing Charlie Harper to becoming quite the opposite?

On top of this Dennis and Lukas share that they both suffer from patchy hair loss aka alopecia areata and what that has to do with stress.

We talk about all this on the episode and more: Like dealing with our own childhood and parents from both their perspective and our own. You do not want to miss out on this episode full of nuggets of wisdom about being a parent.

Follow Lukas here:

⁠⁠⁠@vollblutvater

vollblutvater.de

Want to join our online men's circle? You can put yourself on the waiting list by getting in touch with us (see below). We're launching soon!

Have a question, a guest in mind who should be on our podcast or a topic that you think we should cover related to men's mental health? Send us a voice message on Spotify, DM us via our Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@hearts_wide_open_podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or simply mail us at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you're enjoying the podcast, your 5-star review really helps us amplify the voice for men's health and motivates us to lead by example in showing that men can open up space where it's okay to be vulnerable and authentic.

Next Episode

#25 Growing Up With An Abusive Parent (1/2): How Growing Up With My Mom Impacted My Development & Self-Worth With Alican

In this powerful episode, Soroosh and Alican dive into the complex and often painful reality of toxic relationships with parents during the teenage years and even adulthood. As a teenager, dealing with toxic parental dynamics can be particularly challenging. The pressure to meet unrealistic expectations, constant criticism, and a lack of emotional support can lead to severe consequences such as depression, anxiety, and difficulties in establishing personal boundaries.

We explore how these toxic relationships can manifest and the impact they can have on mental health, academic performance, and social life. Our discussion includes personal stories from Alican and Soroosh who have navigated these turbulent waters, expert insights into recognizing toxic behaviors, and practical advice on coping mechanisms.

We also highlight the crucial role of support systems – friends, therapists, and online communities – in providing the understanding and validation that might be lacking at home. In this first episode, listeners will hear the engaging story of Alican and how he felt as a teenager. Lacking self-worth, lacking boundaries in a house where he did not feel safe.

Want to join our online men's circle? You can put yourself on the waiting list by getting in touch with us (see below). We're launching soon!

Have a question, a guest in mind who should be on our podcast, or a topic that you think we should cover related to men's mental health? Send us a voice message on Spotify, DM us via our Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@hearts_wide_open_podcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ or simply mail us at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you're enjoying the podcast, your 5-star review really helps us amplify the voice for men's health and motivates us to lead by example in showing that men can open up space where it's okay to be vulnerable and authentic.