Me and We

Claiming something means we own it, even if it might not be true. The power in knowing "truth" helps us assert to ourselves internally (and possible to other's). We can develop a trust in ourselves when we have the ability to "claim truth," even if we are not in a position of authority. With the goal of less suffering, and getting back on the horse, it can be so helpful to develop trust and confidence in oneself to see the truth.

With this step, we really shift off "right" and "wrong" dynamic, to looking and listening for truth and skills . . . COMPARING. Sorting and comparing parts of ourselves or looking at differences between us with others. Claiming helps us not collapse into shame, but hold that ability to see the differences as useful.

who has what resources

who sees things differently than we do (and holding it as wisdom)

who's stuff/distortion is showing up - is this my shame/defenses or yours?

Mallika shares about her own comparing in her marriage. How she used to compare and suffer around the differences. Mallika made a shift, to claiming and self-authority. Mallika shares how she uses comparing now, her husbands skills and her own different skills, to lead their "we" to use all the skills and truth everyone brings to the table.

Bonnie shares the skills that she sees in her partner, and that she really may never catch up to his skill level in those areas. She claims a knowing within her marriage that allows her to experiment within that "we." She sees how their resources are difference, where their energy is and what needs they have.

Resources, Energy, Needs - When we pay attention to these key differences, we can compare and compete together. And we can see what we need to attend to? AKA seeing truth, claiming authority and getting common goals done.

Mallika shares here that her husband is good at seeing who's stuff belongs to who. Comparing without out shame. He is good at seeing who's got resources and energy. And she has learned from him and grown in her own ability in this department.

Bonnie points out how Mallika's husband might be tracking more of the independent self/needs and Mallika herself may be paying more attention to the dependent self/needs. Mallika may have more energy for listening for, and responding to, needs.

How do we own where we are while also working towards living our values?

How do we let go of the "right/wrong" and move towards seeing truth, claiming and look towards the future?

Send us a text

Bonnie's book is available in paperback!
"Me And We: Finding Your Voice and Influencing Relational Interactions"
Send us your questions! Email them to [email protected]
Find out more about our work:
Bonnie's Website: bonniemacbride.com
Mallika's Website: rootedrelationships.com
Thank you to Jessica Carson Chen for the music for the show.
Listen On Spotify
Thank you to Positron Productions for producing and editing the show.

Skill Application with "A Complete Unknown"

Episode Summary:

Join us as we explore the fascinating dynamics and nuanced relationships portrayed in the Bob Dylan biopic. Using the "me" and "we" framework, we examine Dylan's orientation to his independent self and how it shaped his interactions with others throughout the film. From his creative brilliance to the tensions with Sylvie and with Joan, we explore how the character of Dylan navigated connections while following his inner compass.

We also explore pivotal moments, such as Joan’s attempt at a collaborative approach during a concert and how Seeger’s wife helped diffuse a climactic conflict. This discussion also speculates on alternative ways characters could have approached Dylan using experimental tools like "willing, wanting, committing" or "boxing into our dilemma" to foster more productive dialogues, or at least to have a little more satisfaction in the moment.

Key Points Discussed:

1. "Me" vs. "We" Framework

Dylan’s interactions often demonstrate a "me-focused" approach, prioritizing his creative needs over relational dynamics. Not that it's wrong! While he formed meaningful bonds (e.g., with Woody), many other relationships were influenced by his self-driven nature.

1. Dylan’s Independent Self

Dylan’s strength lay in his unwavering commitment to his artistic vision, even when it clashed with external expectations and relationships. He confidently carved his path, climatically exemplified in the movie by his transition to electric guitar at the 1965 folk festival.

1. Joan’s Strategy – Collaboration & Growth

Joan’s character adapted over time, finding ways to compete with Dylan while standing her ground. Her ability to respect Dylan’s artistry yet advocate for her own approach is a testament to navigating relationships with strong-willed individuals.

1. Seeger and Alternate Approaches

We reflect on how Seeger might have bridged the gap with Dylan by "boxing him into a dilemma" or experimenting with collaborative goals instead of pushing his own agenda.

1. Relational Influence at Climactic Moments

A critical scene depicting Seeger’s wife intervening during an intense moment highlights the significance of grounding actions in values and mutual respect, fostering clarity amidst conflict. And demonstrates how a developed system of a dyad can be easier to work in that the larger systems we want to influence.

Why This Episode is a Must-Listen:

• Gain insights into the "me" and "we" relationship framework.
• Learn what makes Dylan’s artistic brilliance so compelling—and challenging to connect with.
• Explore the importance of experimenting with relational dynamics when collaborating with visionary individuals.
• Reflect on how values and accountability can transform interpersonal and systemic tensions.

Listen now to uncover Dylan’s layered world and how his

Send us a text

Bonnie's book is available in paperback!
"Me And We: Finding Your Voice and Influencing Relational Interactions"
Send us your questions! Email them to [email protected]
Find out more about our work:
Bonnie's Website: bonniemacbride.com
Mallika's Website: rootedrelationships.com
Thank you to Jessica Carson Chen for the music for the show.
Listen On Spotify
Thank you to Positron Productions for producing and editing the show.

Navigating Political Climate and Emotional Challenges
Mallika and Bonnie discussed the challenges of navigating the current political climate in the United States. They explored how to manage emotions and make choices that lead to less suffering and more influence. Mallika shared her experiences with a family email chain, where she felt disconnected and struggled with the desire to participate in discussions about political issues. She expressed a desire for a deeper layer of conversation, focusing on curiosity and understanding. Bonnie guided Mallika through the process of observing the system without judgment, acknowledging emotions while maintaining a neutral stance. They also touched on the importance of separating values from actions and the potential for feeling disconnected from others in the political climate.
Finding Balance and Expression in Context
Bonnie and Mallika discussed the importance of finding balance and expression in different contexts. They talked about the need to acknowledge and accept similarities, rather than constantly focusing on differences. The conversation centered around the idea of finding the right balance between expressing oneself and avoiding escalation or compliance.
Navigating Political Outrage and Anxiety
Mallika and Bonnie acknowledged that people often get caught up in outrage and lose sight of their own enjoyment, leading to a desire to change the context or the people in power. When people feel their preferred party is in power, there is still a lot of outrage directed at other citizens who don't agree with them. How can we handle this widespread outrage and anxiety?
Compartmentalizing and choosing the level of context one wants to work with in a particular moment is one way to manage our emotional suffering. Mallika asked for strategies to break the compulsion to be in an outrage state, and Bonnie suggested using tools like comparing current context to past ones, and finding relief in moments of relief.
Self-Awareness and Activism Challenges
Bonnie and Mallika discussed the importance of self-awareness and tracking one's own thought processes. They emphasized the need to check in and assess one's own experiences, rather than just reacting to situations. They also touched on the challenges of being an activist and the need to recognize the power of others who may not be as committed to taking action. The conversation ended with a reflection on the potential influence one can have on others by recognizing and addressing their own limitations.
Managing Emotions and Reactions Effectively
In the end, Bonnie and Mallika explored the idea of rehearsing different responses to an email thread, acknowledging the potential for retaliation and the importance of pacing oneself. Could one redirect the conversation to a more positive direction, while being prepared for potential backlash?

How are you working with your own experiences, to get out of suffering, regarding the current political climate?

Send us a text

Bonnie's book is available in paperback!
"Me And We: Finding Your Voice and Influencing Relational Interactions"
Send us your questions! Email them to [email protected]
Find out more about our work:
Bonnie's Website: bonniemacbride.com
Mallika's Website: rootedrelationships.com
Thank you to Jessica Carson Chen for the music for the show.
Listen On Spotify
Thank you to Positron Productions for producing and editing the show.

We ARE going to get disorganized, we are going to get activated and "off the horse."

The single most important place to reach for in our important relationships, and especially with intimate partnerships, is REPAIR.

On the podcast today, Bonnie and Mallika talk about a skill that's doable for everybody, no matter how interested you are in relational growth or healing. It's a skill that's all about action, and how to manage our reaction.

The steps are: React, Remove, Regroup, Rehearse, Redo = Repair

And we explore the skill of "Redirect." Bonnie and Mallika talk about the ways that they didn't use to know how to use redirect full until they were only and had a more organized self that could wait/pause for the right time to repair.

Opening The Gift

Are you able to see, receive and OPEN the gifts that are coming your way?

Mallika shares about her process of recognizing the gifts coming from her husband and from her mom. And then realizing that she wasn't really at choice to open the gifts, but does feel herself able to open them more often now.

Bonnie actually receives a gift from Mallika live on the show.

And sometimes we need to step through the shame wall to be able to receive those gifts.

Bonnie shares about learning from her mom, who was Chinese, about pushing away complements and gifts, showing that we are socialized in some ways that don't serve us.

Giving To Self

Learning to give to ourselves and receive from ourselves comes when we have, or are committed to developing, an independent self.

At times, we wont be able to receive in a dependent way, from or with another. We really have to learn to do with for ourselves.

We are far more powerful if we are in touch with our dependent selves. When we lead with tapping into our dependent selves, and the dependent self of the other, we can have a greater influence.

Bonnie shares an example of her dependent self in relationship with her husband.

Send us a text

Bonnie's book is available in paperback!
"Me And We: Finding Your Voice and Influencing Relational Interactions"
Send us your questions! Email them to [email protected]
Find out more about our work:
Bonnie's Website: bonniemacbride.com
Mallika's Website: rootedrelationships.com
Thank you to Jessica Carson Chen for the music for the show.
Listen On Spotify
Thank you to Positron Productions for producing and editing the show.

The heart of the creative process that allows us to grow is: receiving a protest

WE ALLLLLL are ready to

not like something

complain

need something

AND want to say something about it.

So, if we are able to receive a protest, we can build our confidence. And get out of the suffering that is so common in contexts with protests.

Building blocks 8 and 9 will go into how we can organize ourselves as we get ready to receive protests. But first, we must commit to growing oneself, so we have a reason to be doing this work!

One of the goals we can have is simply "not the same old place."

How can we find new ways to experiment with the places we go into suffering? We might not solve it or have no suffering, but when we are able to get out of a stuck place of suffering ("same old place"), then at least it's a little different/better.

Send us a text

Bonnie's book is available in paperback!
"Me And We: Finding Your Voice and Influencing Relational Interactions"
Send us your questions! Email them to [email protected]
Find out more about our work:
Bonnie's Website: bonniemacbride.com
Mallika's Website: rootedrelationships.com
Thank you to Jessica Carson Chen for the music for the show.
Listen On Spotify
Thank you to Positron Productions for producing and editing the show.