Episode 57: Hunter's Mom

10/15/20 • 59 min

When Luna contacted me a few short weeks ago, sharing that her son, Hunter, had died suddenly while he was sleeping, my heart broke for her as it does whenever I hear these tragic stories. I thought about the grief journey that she had just begun and how challenging it would be for her in the days, weeks, and months ahead. I thought about ways that I might be a support for her from the other side of the country. I accepted her Facebook request and began to follow her writings and pictures that she posted.

Very quickly, I learned that I would not just be giving support for Luna; I would be learning a great deal from her as well. This was a woman who seemed to truly know how to grieve. Not even one month after the death of Hunter, she posted something that she titled, 'What do you say or do for someone who's lost a child?' She sent it to me asking if I might be interested in sharing it with my listeners which I quickly did. She had 13 specific points in that post, and I agreed with each and every one of them. How could she be so wise so soon? I quickly realized that this is a very special woman with a very special gift to share.

Although Luna had only recently lost her precious only child, she seemed to be understanding grief in ways that took me almost two years to realize. She lives in the present, taking each day as it comes. She does not hide away from the grief. When it overcomes her, she allows it to do so. She weeps tears of lament as they come and does not try to stuff the emotions away.

Whether at work or with friends socially, she clearly states what she can and can't do. She explains ahead of time, that if her emotions take over, she may simply have to leave a meeting. When that happens, she does not feel guilty as I often do, because she knows that she has explained herself ahead of time. She allows herself time to really feel everything that she needs to at that moment and then she moves on. Thinking too much about the past or too far into the future becomes overwhelming so she tries to keep herself in the present.

Another thing that I love about Luna is the way that she has expressed herself by turning Hunter's gravesite into a beautiful canvas. Each day, she visits the grave and creates beauty there with flowers, rocks, fabric and pictures. She arrives at the cemetary in deep sadness and sorrow and slowly feels her spirit being lifted up as she creates something wonderful that honors Hunter. She leaves with a little bit of peace that can help her get through another day. Even looking at pictures helps me to feel a little bit of peace as well.

Previous Episode

Episode 56: Isaac's Mom

When today's guest, Crystal, found out that she was pregnant at a young age, she says that she thinks many people thought that her life was over. In some ways, I guess it was, but not in the way they supposed. From the moment Isaac was born, she knew that he was her greatest blessing. Her focus in life suddenly shifted. She became a mom, and she wanted to work to give him that best life that she could.

She even chose the name 'Isaac' because of the story of Abraham and Sarah in the Bible. As a reminder, Abraham and Sarah longed for a baby for years. God had promised them offspring as numerous as the stars, but they remained childless. Finally, when Sarah was ninety years old, she gave birth to their son, Isaac. Sarah said, in Genesis 21:6, 'God has brought me laughter and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.'

Isaac did bring her so much laughter in his 18 years. He was a smiley, happy kid who was a friend to everyone. She said that she never had to worry about Isaac being lonely even when dropped off in a new unfamiliar place. She and her husband were blessed with two more children. They had a good life and were active in their church and community.

Certainly, Crystal's family had struggles as all families do, and Isaac had been making poor choices as many teens do as well, but nothing could have ever prepared her for that phone call in December 2018. After a day of Christmas shopping, Crystal got a frantic phone call telling her that Isaac had been shot at their local Walmart.

Next Episode

Episode 58: Joey - Pregnancy After Loss

My regular listeners know that some of my biggest pet peeves as a bereaved parent are the well-meaning platitudes given by others to try to offer comfort. Comments like, 'she is in a better place' or 'everything happens for a reason' tend to make me irritated instead. One comment that I know that many moms can hear is, 'you are young - you can have another baby' as if that is an easy way to erase the pain.

That is so much easier to say than to do, however, and another baby will NOT eliminate the pain caused by losing a previous one. Today's guest, Joey, has worked with families who have lost their children or had loss during pregnancy. She works with them on their grief journey as they go through the process of becoming pregnant again. Over the years, she has learned so much about the struggles that these women face. She felt called to write a book sharing some of these stories to help others know they are not alone.

The book is titled, Rebirth: The Journey of Pregnancy after a Loss, and can be purchased here through Amazon. In it, she hopes to help normalize the struggles that women, their spouses, and families face when going through pregnancy again after experiencing unimaginable tragedy. Today, we talk about the book and opening up one's heart again to a new child when that heart is still broken.