Joy@Work Podcast - Discover Your Key to Overcoming Fear and Anxiety

Discover Your Key to Overcoming Fear and Anxiety

07/01/23 • 12 min

We know that choosing joy means higher performance, more happiness, less stress, less anxiety, better results, greater health. And we know that choosing joy is simple. So why do we all find it so dang difficult?!?

In large part, it’s about another need we, or rather our brain has; to feel that we have control.

But, we have established that you cannot control what happens outside - you may be able to influence it or concerned about it, but you cannot control it. You only control your own thoughts and your own actions. Sorry, you CAN only control your thoughts and your actions. It’s your choice.

You can influence others and some things outside but you do not control them.

So, I’m borrowing and adapting from Steven Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Imagine 3 circles:

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The inner circle is our circle of power and contains all the things that you know that (on your better days) you can control. In this inner circle, you have the full power of choice. These include your own thoughts, the words you use, the actions you take. You also have control over your emotions, your effort and your own self-care.

The middle circle are things over which you have influence, limited control and less power. These are things that you can directly influence. These include your health, your family, home, job, finances and friends.

The outer circle is our circle of concern. Things and people that matter to you but over whom you have much less influence and even less power. The further from your inner circle, the less influence you have. These might include the weather, world events and politics, accident or injury or illness. Also other’s perceptions and their actions.

When you perceive or believe that external events or people threaten your circle of influence or your circle of power you are focused on things that you cannot control. And when you choose (or allow yourself to) focus on what you cannot control, your Circle of Influence contracts! You have chosen to have an external locus of control.

In contrast, when you choose to focus on what you can control, your Circle of Influence expands. You have chosen an internal locus of control.

A third, and more profitable focus is on the Spirit within and a God who is still on His throne and in control of everything (a fourth outer ring) and then we humble ourself to the finished work of Christ knowing that “...all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Rom 8:28

Fear, stress, anxiety and depression can increase when we believe or perceive that our power, influence or control are diminished or threatened by challenges beyond our control. Fear, stress and anxiety are reactions (not illness). We have shifted our locus of control from us... to ”them”.

I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.

Stephen Covey

Six Essential Human Needs - SPACES Recap

It’s not just about any threat to your circle of power, it’s what you perceive is being threatened and how important that need is to you!

You’ll recall that we all share six essential needs. These are the key things we wish to influence.

When we perceive that our circle of power is being threatened, our influence to have our own needs fulfilled diminishes.

The more fundamental the need, for example something life threatening, the greater our fear response to the threat.

And, we should all be acutely aware that the more fundamental the need for us, the easier it is for someone else to influence our response both positively and negatively. The advertising industry is successful precisely because it plays on our more fundamental needs and fears.

For example, your need to eat food is most often associated with pleasure and price in advertisements. New cars are associated with prestige or significance (a higher need for mattering or significance) but also scantily clad human models (a fundamental sexual need).

#😲 Insight When you focus on the external thr...

In large part, it’s about another need we, or rather our brain has; to feel that we have control.

You can influence others and some things outside but you do not control them.

So, I’m borrowing and adapting from Steven Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Imagine 3 circles:

Thanks for reading Joy@Work! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

In contrast, when you choose to focus on what you can control, your Circle of Influence expands. You have chosen an internal locus of control.

I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.

Stephen Covey

Six Essential Human Needs - SPACES Recap

It’s not just about any threat to your circle of power, it’s what you perceive is being threatened and how important that need is to you!

You’ll recall that we all share six essential needs. These are the key things we wish to influence.

When we perceive that our circle of power is being threatened, our influence to have our own needs fulfilled diminishes.

The more fundamental the need, for example something life threatening, the greater our fear response to the threat.

#😲 Insight When you focus on the external thr...

Previous Episode

Pride and Prejudice

You're Biased!

Now, before you go off in a huff and rant against my assertion do, please, let me explain. Everyone has biases. Actually, you have to or else your brain would drain all of your energy.

Power and Purpose

The purpose of this guide is to allow you to be aware of your own biases and those of others - NOT TO FIX THEM! - That is NOT your job. Your awareness will enable you to re-frame your communications and be prepared to challenge unwarranted assumptions or faulty thinking - with love and kindness.

The power of your payoff when you put this into action will be to listen much more deeply and effectively and communicate with empathy and clarity for mutual understanding.

Key questions to be considering as you read, watch or listen to this AdvantEdge Coaching Guide:

What is the ONE thing you will stop doing, start doing or change how you behave or act that will have the greatest impact on your leadership performance from your learning here?

What is the single, tiniest step you can take immediately that will begin that improvement and by when?

What is Prejudice?

Prejudice is one example of cognitive bias that is most often a preconceived, unfavourable opinion about another person or group. Indeed this is known as the “In-Group” or “Out-Group” Bias. It enables you to judge another person almost instantly based on very limited data. Which is very efficient but often seriously flawed. Yet, we all have them.

Blame your parents, upbringing, society, politicians, culture, race, language, tv, Hollywood, the Interweb, FaceBook... whatever you like, you still have biases.

Some biases are potentially helping you make better, quicker decisions, others could be, and almost certainly are, undermining your true power and potential.

But I’m not biased!

You already know that everyone else you meet is biased right? (That’s your confirmation bias kicking in by the way.) Especially those people who disagree with you or have a different political or religious viewpoint. So are you and everyone else is too because your brain HAS to be biased.

Your brain hates ambiguity and uncertainty! And, it is willing to take short cuts to remove it from the situation. If there's insufficient information to go on you will use whatever is available and unconsciously fill in the blanks from your memories and beliefs until you recognise a pattern and come (jump) to an internal representation.

It’s one way that your brain saves you precious energy and stress and saves time making decisions.

If we were to allow our brains to take in all the available information, process it, evaluate it objectively and make a decision. Well, that speeding vehicle would have wiped out your life already. OK, maybe it’s not so drastic, but your brain sees uncertainty as a threat and triggers your threat response biasing decisions toward habit and modulating our propensity to take risks (do something new and untested).

A Quick brain primer (so that you don’t use your biases and fill in your own wrong answers).

Your brain is programmed to minimise effort and save energy.

In his fabulous book, Thinking Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman shows that your brain works using two different systems, 1 and 2 (yeah, terrific names ;-)). System 1 is fast thinking - mostly unconscious, prone to biases and errors and can be exploited by others to influence your responses and choices. System 2 is slower thinking but more reliable and it is supposed to monitor System 1 but often it doesn't bother when it's feeling a bit "lazy" or it's overloaded.

Your brain is programmed to minimise effort and System 2 requires more effort and energy, hence, System 1 runs the show by default.

And therein lies the problem.

Top Ten Cognitive Biases

The list of cognitive biases that have been identified is incredibly long and grows monthly.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases and I've come across 10 repeatedly in my coaching with leaders that could really use your conscious attention now.

Similarity

In-Group Bias

Favouring whose who belong to your group

You unfairly favour those who belong to your group.

We presume that we're fair and impartial, but the truth is that we automatically favour those who are most like us, or belong to our groups. This blind tribalism has evolved to strengthen social cohesion, however in a modern and multicultural world it can have the opposite effect.

Try to ...

Next Episode

This is Your Brain on Fear, Stress, Anxiety and Depression

Fear, stress and anxiety increase when we believe or perceive that our power, influence or control are diminished or threatened by challenges beyond our control. Fear, stress and anxiety are reactions (not illness). We have shifted our locus of control from us... to ”them”.

The similarities and differences between these reactions.

Internally, your reaction to fear, stress, anxiety and depression are similar yet with key difference in triggers, affects and timeframe.

Fear is an intense, biological response to immediate externalthreat and a danger to your safety. Your response is usually intense, physical and very short term. It’s usually unsafe, negative and unpleasant. During the event time dilates, you see more, feel more. By the time you think about it, the trigger is in the past and you may then experience the euphoria of relief and survival. “Adrenaline junkies” thrive on that “high” and deliberately seek such challenges.

Stress is your brain’s response to, mostly externally triggered challenge, change, demand or threat that may trigger a physical response but mostly psychological and short term. It can be positive and helpful (eustress) or negative and unpleasant (distress). Both eustress and distress are of the moment, they are in the present. Eustress fires you up 🔥, distress shuts you down 🔐. Eustress motivates, distress demotivates.

While anxiety is the result of internal tensions creating fear about your ability to perform or address a future challenge. Your response may be physical discomfort, but mostly mental (such as humiliation or rejection) and can be very long term if left untreated.

Depression is an experience where you feel low most of the time and you have also lost interest in things you usually enjoy. You may also have changes in your sleep, appetite, feel guilty, de-motivated and generally withdraw from others.

What Happens in Your Brain:

In the brain: fear, stress and anxiety each have specific triggers for an individual, and each have certain reactions. Between trigger and reaction, a lot of what goes on in the brain is remarkably similar.

It’s worth reminding ourselves that a challenge we consider fearful, someone else may consider a little stressful or even pleasurable!

One simple example I experience regularly. I have a dog, she’s a sweet, but nervous rescue dog about the size of a Labrador. Some people find her adorable, others consider her to be very frightening.

On the other hand, some people find snakes to be interesting and pleasant, whereas I run from them - even video or images of them!

Six stimuli

Remember, Your brain’s #1 job is to keep you “not dead”. You are constantly scanning your environment for any threat that might compromise that situation. Which can be anything that is deemed to threaten your circle of power.

Scanning for threats are your five senses - and these have two routes into the brain:

Visual and auditory stimuli (sight and sounds) go to the Thalamus in the brain. You can think of the Thalamus as the reception lobby of an office where incoming visitors are screened and sent to the appropriate office. If the sight or sound is threatening - the amygdalae are signalled.

Olfactory and Tactile stimuli have direct access straight to the Amygdalae! That is smells and touch go straight to the amygdalae. That’s why you recoil immediately from bad smells or unpleasant touch. Fractionally later from something you see or hear.

Yes five senses, but six stimuli. When they pick up a threat, the information takes one of two routes in your brain:

Route 1 - The Shortcut

Smell, taste and touch stimuli bypass the Thalamus reception desk and gain immediate access to the Amygdala. (This is why smells can evoke such powerful responses!)

The amygdalae informs other brain structures to respond to the perceived threat:

Your Hypothalamus and Pituitary gland trigger your adrenal glands to boost your stress hormones: adrenaline and cortisol.

Too much cortisol short-circuits the Hippocampus (your main memory centre) making it difficult to organise memory.

Your Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) is stimulated which increases your heart rate and blood pressure, you sweat more and even your skin tingles. All to prepare your body for action against the threat.

Your Freeze, Flight or Fight response is activated - enabling you to increase your sensory awareness and drink in more detail to better deal with the threat.

Your digestive tract is shut down. This diverts energy from digestion to responding to the...