Creepy In The Swingers Club

Explicit content warning

04/02/25 • -1 min

How To Sex

Why creepy guys often don't get laid, even at a swingers’ club

By Hord Holm. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

I've been to a Swinger Club on roughly a dozen occasions, so perhaps not enough to count myself as an expert. But perhaps enough to have observed some common behaviors, and these are what I want to address here, particularly in relation to single guys who go to Swinger Clubs.

The Swinger Club Scenario

What usually happens is that my husband suggests that we go to our preferred club about a week ahead of time (or further out, if there is an enticing theme advertised for a particular night.)
We make our reservation, and then I wonder: what kind of night will it be? It will either be a great night, lots of fun with amiable strangers, or it will be a night for just me and my hubby because of a Plague of Creepy Guys, who we will have to spend at least part of the evening avoiding.
But what, pray, does this Plague of Creepy Guys look like?
I need to start by outlining how a Swinger Club will usually be laid out. The Club is most likely divided into three zones.
The first zone is the Bar and Social Zone. Sex might happen there, but the main purpose of this zone is for patrons to relax, buy expensive drinks, which brings in one half of the Club's profit margin, and get to know each other.
The second zone is the Spa Zone, with a sauna, massage area, perhaps a hot tub or even an indoor pool. Sex might happen here, too, but often the Club regulations will prohibit sex in the hot tub or pool, if there is one, for hygiene reasons.
The third zone is the 'Action Zone,' which is where most of the fucking will occur. There will be separate rooms offering greater or lesser privacy, perhaps with themes or pieces of equipment, mirrored walls and ceilings, etc.
On arriving at the Club, the average patron will head for one of the first two areas until they feel like heading for the Action Zone. And it's then that the Plague of Creepy Guys will be encountered. This Plague will most likely be really off-putting to the first couples who enter the Action Zone, though they may be less of an issue once a greater number of couples, or perhaps even threesomes & groups, are scattered about.But we have to ask a question: why is everyone at the Club?Well, to get laid, of course! Though there may be the occasional patron who is there more as a voyeur; in which case, the following isn't really addressed to them. And if that's you, then have fun and don't be too creepy about it. Those patrons looking to get laid are divided into three groups; couples, single men, and single women.
However, single women are generally rarer than hen's teeth! I have seen one in the times I've attended clubs, and talking to more regular attendees one in twelve visits is actually better than average. And when we consider it, that's hardly a surprise as it must take some pretty tough chops as a single woman to walk into a Swinger Club and put oneself in that situation without anyone on one's 'side'. Hell, I’m adventurous, but I would never go without my man!
This leaves us with a clientele divided between couples and single guys, and thus there are, by definition, pretty much always more men than women in the Club; unless it's a couples-only night. And this factor, the outnumbering of women by men, is the basis of the Plague of Creepy Guys.

Describing the ‘Creepy Guy’

For the purposes of this piece, the Creepy Guy can be defined as follows: he can be young or old, handsome or a broken-down old wreck, or anything in between, but his defining characteristics are his silence and an air of desperation. He wanders around the Action Zone seeking to interpose himself on couples (or threesomes, or occasionally groups), with his cock in his hand and his mouth hanging half open, and at no point does he say anything.
Now, I get it. Single guys are the bread and butter of Swinger Clubs (indeed, they are the other half of the Club's profit margin). They pay a premium to get in and they want to get their money's worth. Single guys aren't necessarily Creepy Guys, either, but if they are they can be absolute pests.
Perhaps the Creepy guy is proud that he doesn’t spend the money on a cheap hooker or a lap dance. But he sees this entry charge as something which entitles him to a return on investment. Yet the women guests don’t owe Creepy Guy ...

Why creepy guys often don't get laid, even at a swingers’ club

By Hord Holm. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

The Swinger Club Scenario

Describing the ‘Creepy Guy’

Previous Episode

Guidance For 'Hot Wives'

Ms. Evangelina Vargas advises wives who want to be “hot.”

By vargas 1 1 1. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

This topic comes up more often than our society is comfortable with. To illustrate the matter, imagine the scenario of a couple of 50 year old English gentlemen down at the corner pub; when one of them says; “Nigel, I don’t know how to say this, but I have it on reliable certitude that your wife has been shagging a younger bloke from church.”
To which Nigel responds with a relaxed breath; “Well, at least someone is shagging her.”

Some men just lack the libido of their spouse, especially decades after the peak of a man’s virility of the early twenties.

More than a few marriages dissolve in a painful betrayal and severe disruption of a cohesive home. It’s even more traumatic when kids lose a 2-parent cohesion, because mom and dad couldn’t work out a satisfying sexual arrangement.
We’re presenting the expert advice of well-known ‘hot wife,’ Evangelina Vargas, to weigh in on the issue, for those of you who relate to the conundrum.

Guidelines for Happily Married Hot Wives

By Evangelina Vargas, with contributions from Dawn MWF 4 Blk

Okay, you have heard about being a “hot wife.” It sounds sexy but a little scary, too. You have lots of questions and uncertainties and many women have written my brother, Homer Vargas, for advice. Well, he has asked me to reply because this is something better handled between us girls. With two grown daughters, one kid in kindergarten, one in nursery school, and a bun in the oven, I’ve “been there, done that.”

Why?

Probably your first question is “Why should I become a ‘hot wife?’” There are many reasons but the most important one is, love. You have a wonderful husband whom you love more than anything in the world. You want to please him, to make him happy. You think that he might like a hot wife, but maybe you are not sure. What if he thinks you are a slut? Put that out of your mind, sweetie. Take it from me; if your husband is a heterosexual male, he wants a hot wife. If he is not heterosexual (or is a little underpowered sexually), there may be other reasons for you to become a hot wife, but I will not deal with those here. Men want hot wives; therefore you want to become the woman he wants.

Besides wanting to please your man, it’s also a matter of elementary justice. Your husband deserves a hot wife. He has made a commitment to you. He loves you above all other women. He has promised to be faithful to you, giving up pussy from all those other little hotties he was fucking before he met you. You owe him at least the sexual satisfaction he could be getting from those other women if he were still “on the loose.”

In addition, being a hot wife should be a matter of personal fulfillment. You are a woman and you want to be the best, the sexiest, the most feminine woman possible. Becoming a hot wife; an ever hotter hot wife; will give meaning and purpose to your life, releasing you from self-centeredness and ennui.

Then, too, being a hot wife is a very healthy lifestyle. To become and remain a hot wife, you will have to exercise daily, watch what you eat, maintain your body in top form. Dieting and physical fitness will not seem like a chore when you keep in mind that you are honing your body for your adored husband’s sexual gratification. You are not just a “sex object”; and proud of being a damn good one, you are a sex object d'art!

Moreover, being a hot wife is to your material advantage. You want the good things of life: a nice house, fancy clothes, travel, fine food. So how does being a hot wife get you these things? Simple, honey. To acquire the material possessions you want, you need a financially successful husband. And nothing contributes to a man’s success more than having a hot wife.

For one thing, a hot wife at home does wonders for a man’s self-confidence. After a night with you, he walks into that boardroom or law office or shop floor and looks around knowing that no other man in that room has a wife as hot as his! No one else, only a few hours ago, had a woman riding his cock, screaming his name in ecstasy as she orgasmed over and over, begging him to fuck her longer, harder. A man with a couple of good early-morning fucks like that under his belt can kick ass and get other men to do th...

Next Episode

Sex Positions: Part 1

Creative positions for intimacy: Standing or Sitting

BY THE EDITORS OF MEN’S HEALTH. Listen to the ► Podcast at How To Sex.

If you suddenly have an itch to try some new sex positions, we’re not surprised. When we recently surveyed 1,229 American men about their sex lives, a third of respondents said they’re feeling more sexually experimental now than before the pandemic began.
According to Justin Lehmiller, Kinsey Institute researcher and member of the Men’s Health Advisory Panel, stress could have something to do with the widespread craving for sexual novelty. “When we’re stressed, it’s often harder to feel desire or to stay in the moment, because our mind is distracted and wandering,” Lehmiller says. “Trying something new can create this immersive experience that lets us be in the moment and raises sexual arousal.”

A fun, new sex position is an easy way to immerse yourself in a sexual experience. Take a much-needed break from stressing about work or the state of the world by attempting something adventurous in the bedroom, like the many sex positions you’ll find on this list. (Don’t worry, we also included fan favorites like missionary, cowgirl, spooning, and doggy style.)
Which positions should you try first? Start by asking yourself what you’re hoping to achieve by changing up your usual routine. This will guide how you approach this list of 56 sex positions, explains Ian Kerner, sex therapist, and author of; She Comes First; and, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.
If you are looking for positions to help with female orgasm, then you want to look for sex positions where he can manually stimulate her clitoris during penetration. “Most women are not going to be able to get highly aroused or have an orgasm unless there’s some kind of clitoral stimulation happening,” Kerner says.
Or perhaps you want to explore elements of BDSM (an umbrella term encompassing Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism) with new sex positions. “Some of these positions are great for power play, where you can feel dominant or submissive,” Kerner says.
Some of these sex positions are fun to try for novelty’s sake, but not necessarily ideal from start to finish. “You will likely want to mix and match positions,” Kerner says. “You can start in some of the more adventurous and highly athletic positions, but then transition into a less demanding position, where you can fully relax and feel present in the sex you’re having.”
If a sex position feels uncomfortable, don’t overdo it. This isn’t a “push through the pain” situation. Just switch to something else! There are plenty of positions here to choose from.
These positions are detailed in 5 chapters, which include standing, sitting, sideways, man-on-top, and woman-on-top.
And we’ll need to split this topic into two episodes, because of the great variety of expressions on the list. And if we’re just not descriptive enough for those listening to the audio podcast, be sure to pull up the transcripts with detailed illustrations of all 54 positions.
And now, let’s get started with the first position.
Chapter 1: Standing Positions
The next several positions don't even require a mattress. Often our spontaneous desires won't wait until bedtime. Let's get started.

1. Stand and Deliver

Also known as: The Bicycle
Benefits: You can enjoy the view of your penis thrusting.
Technique: Men, Stand at the edge of a bed or desk while your woman lies back and raises her legs to her chest. Her knees are bent as if she’s doing a "bicycling" exercise. Grab her ankles and enter her. Thrust slowly, as the deep penetration may be painful for her.
Also try: Have your woman place her heels on your shoulders, which will open her hips so her labia press against you
Hot tip: Encourage your woman to play with her clitoris manually. Also, show her that she can control your penetration by flexing her thighs.