How To Sex

Fundamentals, Types and Roles, Safety Rules, and More

By Nuna Alberts, LCSW. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

If you’ve ever fantasized about getting kinky in the bedroom, you’re not alone. The runaway success of E. L. James’s Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy of books; the three top-selling print and e-books in the United States between 2010 and 2019; not to mention the sales of the movies they generated, prove that interest in BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism) is anything but rare.

BDSM can involve role playing, sensory manipulation, and more. Here are a few popular ways enthusiasts like to get kinky!

Prevalence: How Many People Practice BDSM?

Further proof: Nearly 47 percent of women and 60 percent of men have fantasized about dominating someone sexually, while slightly more women and less men are aroused by the idea of being dominated, according to a 2016 study. The same study also found that almost 47 percent adults would like to participate in at least one nontraditional type of sexual activity, and 34 percent said that they’d done so at least once in the past. No wonder if you search the phrase “BDSM” on Google it will return more than 500 million results. By comparison, the phrase “missionary sex” returns about 163 million results.

The History of BDSM: Not So New

Explore a little more and you’ll also discover that BDSM is nothing new. Among BDSM’s historical high points:

• Art and texts from ancient Greece and Rome show physical pain being used as an erotic stimulus, per the book An Illustrated History of the Rod, by William M. Cooper, first published in 1868.
• The Kama Sutra, the revered Sanskrit text on sexuality written in India about 2,000 years ago, describes six appropriate places to strike a person with passion and four ways to do it. It also has chapters titled “Scratching,” “Biting,” and “Reversing Roles.”
• The Marquis de Sade, a French aristocrat who lived from 1740 to 1814, wrote a variety of erotic novels and short stories involving being beaten and beating others. Eventually the author’s name gave rise to the term “sadism.”
• Similarly, the term “masochism” is derived from the name of Austrian nobleman and author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose 1870 novel Venus in Furs describes a dominant-submissive relationship.
• Back in 1953, a Kinsey Institute study found that 55 percent of women and 50 percent of men were aroused by being bitten.
• And even pre-Fifty Shades of Grey, 36 percent of U.S. adults reported having had sex using masks, blindfolds, or other forms of bondage.

Is BDSM Still Considered a Medical Disorder?

At one time, mental health experts were dubious about whether those who practiced BDSM were mentally healthy. But the American Psychiatric Association took a huge step in destigmatizing kink with the release of the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) in 2013. For the first time ever, the guidelines drew a clear distinction between consenting adults who engage in sexual behaviors outside the mainstream, such as BDSM, and those who force others to engage in those behaviors without consent.

That means simply experimenting with, say, whips and chains, is no longer a sign of mental illness that by itself “justifies or requires clinical intervention,” the manual states.

There are true sexual disorders that are similar in theme. Sexual sadism disorder, for instance, involves inflicting physical or psychological pain on another for the purpose of sexual pleasure. And sexual masochism disorder involves deliberately involving yourself in a situation in which you are humiliated, beaten, or abused for the purpose of sexual excitement.

The difference between these two disorders and BDSM is consent, in the case of sexual sadism disorder, and that BDSM does not go to the degree of causing significant distress or impairing function, in the cas...

Why she loves to pleasure his cock, and how she does it.

By AnaLeePleasured. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

I have always found it odd that there are women out there who do not enjoy giving a man a blow-job, especially if it is the man they love, or are in love with. Personally I just cannot imagine anything nicer than the experience of sucking a beautiful hard, or soft cock and knowing that my efforts are being enjoyed. I believe it is an honor and a privilege to be allowed to pleasure a man in this way. I have always wanted to explain why I love it so much and how I feel when I do it and what the experience gives me. That is what I will attempt to do now. I hope that someone out there enjoys reading about how wonderful cock sucking is from one woman’s perspective, and hopefully somehow, a few of those women out there who see it as a “chore” can be converted into developing a new attitude to pleasuring their man.

My first time that I went down on a man was after a late, or rather, early night of partying hard on the dance floor of a local nightclub when I was just eighteen. He was thirty-seven and we had been getting hot and close all night and into the morning. Others on the dance floor were telling us to “get a room”, and we finally listened to them. So off we went to his place for the rest of the ‘night’.

We both had a shower and went to bed but sleep was the last thing on our minds. So we kissed and I finally got close enough to see what I had been brushing up against all night. His cock was long and hard and I ached to touch it. I didn’t ask, just reached out and felt it, running my hand up and down the shaft, Soon I was masturbating him with both hands and getting more and more excited by his groans of pleasure. I don’t know why, but I just sort of took control of the situation because he was enjoying himself so much and seemed happy by what I was doing. So I kissed a trail down his strong lean stomach till my mouth found its target.

He was so surprised when my mouth engulfed his cock. He couldn’t seem to believe that I had just gone straight down on him without a word of encouragement from him. He seemed almost alarmed that I had wanted to suck his cock. For me it was the most natural thing in the world. I had never done it before and I had never even seen porn at that stage in my life. I just knew I wanted to taste, to use all the senses that I possessed. But then, that is just how I am, I believe in getting the most out of a beautiful experience, making meaningful memories that last long after the act. That is what I am all about.

So that was my first experience of sucking a cock and when I think about it now, what I loved most of all about it, was the way he enjoyed what I did. He encouraged me every step of the way with moans and groans, saying “YES” when I sucked his balls or gently stroked them with my hands while sucking his cock. Then afterwards, he had looked at me in amazement and awe, admitting that he had never been so masterfully handled before and wondering where I had learned to do it so well.

He also told me that no woman had seemed to really enjoy sucking his cock before and that it usually seemed as if a woman did it as a “favor” or saw it as a “chore”, needing to be asked to do it. He said he couldn’t believe I had done it voluntarily. What he said had made me wonder why anyone faced with such a lovely cock would need to be asked to suck it, I just couldn’t understand it. From that first experience I learned so much about men and what they like and I also learned about myself and what I like too.

For me there is no greater compliment than having a man’s erect cock pointing straight at me, I see it like a child sees candy, it just begs to be tasted and sucked. It is my reward for being a good girl, I get to have the lollipop. When we are young our parents teach us that there is more joy in giving, than receiving and as we grow older, many of us stop thinking that way and start to want more and more and give less and less. That is such a shame because life should be more about giving and enjoying the shared pleasures ...

How to train a man to love cunnilingus.

By cd prosper ot. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

A lot of women love to have their pussy licked as much as or even more than having a cock fill their cunt. And if you have a man who loves to go downtown every chance he can get, great! But what do you do if your man either won’t do it, won’t do it right or long enough or if he treats pussy-licking as something obligatory and a mere prelude to sticking his cock up your twat? Well, don’t just complain.

Here’s some advice about what you can do to get your man to adore eating you for as long as you can stand! First of all,

1: Initiate Sex

Are you horny? Do you want his cock, his finger, his ass or especially his tongue: then let him know it! A lot of women, even if they’re dripping wet and desperate to be sucked and fucked into oblivion, will wait for their man to initiate sex. Chances are that when that happens, a man is going to have his own agenda. But, why not start out with your agenda, instead of his?

So what if you’re shy! Get over it! We know that women have moments when you want and even need sex. So tell him when that happens! If you’re in a relationship, what on earth is the point of hiding your sexual needs? Is it some kind of weird power trip: if he knows you need sex, you can’t ration it? That might have worked in the fifties, but surely we’re way past that now. Besides, nothing will turn him on faster more than knowing that you want sex. So tell him! But how?

Words are best: nothing like an e-mail or a quick phone call to his office, provided it’s private, if you need that; and a “Honey: I can’t wait till you get home. My panties are sopping wet.” Or “I’m so horny and my vibrator isn’t doing it for me; I need you!” You can bet that he’s going to blow off or rush through whatever overtime might have been in the offing (if he is the type who stays at work when he has a horny chick to come home to, what on earth are you doing with him in the first place?).

If you’re reluctant to be that explicit you can always use all the tried and true chick ‘come hither’numbers. That’s Okay. But if your man is tired or depressed, he can miss the non-verbal cues, or worse, ignore them. Ignoring a verbal invitation is not an option for most men: 99 times out of a hundred he’s going to accept, no matter how tired or down he is.

One final suggestion: a pre-arranged signal. One couple has a bride and groom from a wedding cake. When either one wants sex, they put it out where the other can see it: yes, it’s really hokey, but it works.

So, why is so important for you to initiate sex? Because you score big, big points with your man just by initiating: men hate, let me repeat that, men hate the burden of always having to initiate sex because unless you’re hooking up with a nymphomaniac (whom most of us have never met, let alone screwed), initiating sex involves a certain probability (often quite a high probability) of rejection and attendant humiliation. When you initiate you instantly get your man’s gratitude, and cooperation. And if he doesn’t like to dive into your muff and polish your pearl, you will need some of that cooperation. So initiate already.

All right, you have your man racing to get into your panties. Now what?

2: Tell him, yes, tell him in clear words, what you want.

Now, I gave you, reluctantly; non-verbal alternatives to initiate sex. But there’s no way around this one, you have to say exactly what you want: “Honey, could you go down on me.” “Honey, I need your tongue,” The more explicit and urgent the better: “Lick me!” “Eat me!” “Suck my pussy!” Especially, if you’re somewhat prudish or restrained, the more graphic and desperate your language, the more you will turn your man on and, maybe get his head between your legs, fast.

Be sure to use a pleasant and delighted voice. And it’s all about how you frame the issue. Never tell him what he’s failing at. Tell him what you need more of. When you tell him what he failed, he feels rejected and his confidence is crushed. That’s never a good thing for healthy coupling. But when you share your need, you allow him to be a hero and rush to your cause. It makes him feel needed, desired, and special.

You can add that if you were more ravished in this manner ‘God knows what you might do for him?’ Or how much more often y...

A discussion of Womens’ Breasts and Sexuality

By CARLY STERN, HANNAH ORENSTEIN, Nondescript In CT, & zipado 321 . Listen to the podcast at How To Sex.

We’ve spent a good amount of time and attention on a man’s physiology and the impact on sexuality. Now lets discuss a woman’s breasts. They are often called tits, a term originating from the French word, tetons. You’ve also heard the terms; boobs, knockers, puppies, milkers, bust, mammaries, and other slang descriptives.

Let’s start by discussing the variety of female mammary glands, worldwide. A global study recently published several findings. Let’s look at what the Daily Mail website has to say.

America, the busty-ful!

By CARLY STERN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM

PUBLISHED: June 2016

Sweet Land of Lib-bra-ty! A new study found that American women have the biggest natural breasts in the world. Scientists measured the breasts of women in 108 countries, excluding anyone who’d had breast surgery, was pregnant, or was breastfeeding.

American women revealed as having the biggest natural breasts in the world, while Brits come in fifth and Filipinos are last.

Researches measured breasts of women born in 108 countries; excluding those who’d had breast surgery, were pregnant, or were breastfeeding. The results clearly found Caucasian United States Americans have, on average, the biggest breasts, followed by Canadians and non-Caucasian U S Americans. Women in Europe tend to have bigger breasts, while women in Africa and Asia (particularly Southeast Asia) have smaller ones.

In a not-entirely-surprising bit of news, American women have been found to have the biggest breasts in the world.

A group of researchers conducted a study; for science; to compare the average natural breast volume of women born in 108 countries. Excluding women who’d had surgery, were pregnant, were breastfeeding, or had been pregnant within the past 12 months, the scientists found that those born in the USA has significantly more ample assets.

In the study published in The Journal of Female Health Sciences, the researchers broke down countries from the bustiest to the most flat-chested, analyzing the mean volume and cup size of each nation.

Nearly 400,000 women around the world were measured for the study, which used EU bra sizing for consistency. While all of the measurements used measuring tape, some also employed ‘visual examination’ and 3D scanning.

Interestingly, the study actually listed averages for Caucasian United States Americans and non-Caucasian United States Americans, finding that Caucasian United States Americans had the highest breast volume of all, with a volume of 1,668ml and a cup size higher than an D, in US sizing.

Non-Caucasian Americans were still found to be quite busty, with an average volume of 1,089ml and a C cup in US sizing.

Again, these measurements exclude women with breast implants, meaning the difference in size is due to natural factors, like hormones in meat (though the study didn’t examine contributing factors).

The researchers did find, however, that obesity played little part in the relative size of breasts; the average breast volume was found to be large regardless of body weight, with even athletic and slim women being large-breasted.

Canadian women followed Caucasian United States Americans; and the average of all Americans; with an average cup size of C.

Ireland came in third, Poland in fourth, and the United Kingdom in fifth, with an average B cup in US sizing) and volume of 879ml.

While there are certainly some outliers, most countries’ average breast size seems to correspond with the region of the world they’re in.

The biggest breasts are ...

An essay on the history of Polyamory.

By darkgoddess2478. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

What is Polyamory?

Polyamory means "loving more than one". This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or a combination thereof, according to the desires and agreement of the individuals involved. "Polyamorous" is also used as descriptive term by people who are open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one. It is behaving in ways which are honest, and which make you, and the people you care about, and the people they care about happy and fulfilled. Polyamory is about building new configurations of relationships, being open to the opportunity if it comes along, not refusing commitments because something better might come loping down the path.

This is an interesting question. What is Polyamory? The definition above states it just simply as "loving more than one". Kathy Labriola defines Polyamory as an intense loving relationship between two or more people. Polyamory literally means many loves. Good enough for the simple definitions that tell you absolutely nothing important. Let's start with where the poly movement began.

Polyamory in the United States began as polygamy with Joseph Smith, the founder of the Mormon religion, or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Through a series of visions, Smith announced polygamy to his followers as a part of Mormon spirituality in 1843 and Brigham Young publicly announced this practice in 1852. Polygamy allowed men to marry more than one wife as long as he could provide for everyone in his family.

The Mormons were sexually conservative and rejected the ideals of romantic love, intense courtship and contraception. Sex was seen merely as a device for procreation. Extramarital affairs, premarital sex, and all sexual acts that would not directly lead to conception were strictly forbidden and enforced at a cost of death or emasculation. The reasoning stands that polygamy was not for the purpose of sex, but as a way to have as many children as possible.

Since the Christian doctrine did not allow for polygamy, the Mormons were the subject of hate from many sources, mainly Protestant missionaries and women writers who "attempted to emancipate plural wives from their alleged sexual slavery." (D'Emilio and Freedman 117) Even though our country preached freedom of religion, from the 1860's to the 1880's the federal government prosecuted Mormons who practiced polygamy. Given this opposition, the Mormons withdrew their approval for polygamy in 1890.

Most polyamorous families are not all married to one another. There is usually a primary couple who are married and the others who consider themselves married, but do not have an actual marriage certificate. Some of the families live together and others have separate living quarters where the father and husband visit frequently. In the families that live together, the child rearing and household responsibilities are shared. In all ethical cases, all the wives know about each other and support the decision of their husband taking on the new partner.

Kathy Labriola, a counselor and nurse, defines Polyamory as "an intense loving relationship between members of the same sex or those of the opposite sex". Some polyamorous people are married, others are single: Polyamorous people may be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. The Polyamorous system does not have to be a sexual system, but it can be.

Most of the cynicism given to Polyamory is due to people thinking Polyamory is for sexual practices. Kilbride in "Plural Marriage for our Times: A Reinvented Option?" states, In linking sexuality to marriage we generally view having multiple marital partners, as resulting predominately from sex drive.

Of the various reasons why plural marriage occurs, a sexual outlet is minimized within a wider, more general body of needs and functions considered important for both individuals and the wider society. This statement agrees that the practice of polygamy is not about sex. As was stated earlier, the Mormons used polygamy as a way of advancing their religion and baptizing their ancestors, not for greater sexual acts. The people who practice Polyamory today use Polyamory as a means of freedom of expression and bettering themselves as people. Since they have found tha...