Hindsight is Horrifying

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Spiders. Why'd it have to be spiders?

Darth, Adam B., and Jason watch 1990's spider-riffic film "Arachnophobia." Also, Darth nearly kills everyone and manages to wreck two cameras at once... Enjoy!

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The Evil Dead: “Join Us!”

#Hindsighters, the Halloween Spooktacular continues amidst movies and shows that scare, delight, and disturb. On this particular episode, Darth and Jason join Meg and Young Adam in discussing The Evil Dead, one of the most iconic Halloween films of all time.

“I’m an artisanal cheese maker and my husband binds books made of human flesh that he sells on Etsy. Our budget is $4.8 million.” That’s Darth and Jason’s fan theory as to how Dr. and Mrs. Knowby wound up with such a fabulously creepy cabin in the woods of Tennessee. It takes real money to ensure your home is properly haunted.

It’s all about the bizarrely chipper Deadites in this camptastic cult classic, where spirits possess innocent weekenders for reasons that simply aren’t clear. Regardless, The Evil Dead is still a better movie than Halloweentown.

Darth and Jason are avidly against reading aloud, especially when the book in your possession is penned in human blood. Of course, they realize that you can’t shoehorn logic into a film that includes tree rape. #ArborealDespoilment.

Speaking of which, The Evil Dead is infamous for several reasons, including its legendary practical effects. Where else are you going to see oatmeal and Alka-Seltzer explode from a once-human body? This movie provides visuals you never knew you needed until that first glorious time that you saw Bruce Campbell slathered in corn syrup. This film was not one of Darth’s favorites, but if you believe Meg and Young Adam (who appears in his own spooky podcast), The Evil Dead is “the quintessential Halloween movie.” Whether this film makes you want to laugh or cry, Darth and Jason are here to discuss it, so curl up beneath your favorite book shelf and “join us”.

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Highlander: There Can Be Only One!

We got tired of having randos in our studio, so this week, it’s just your beloved Darth and Jason at the helm of this 80s classic that also poses as a complete train wreck. It’s not often that a movie offers up wrestler strip-teases AND immortal blue jean sex, but Jason selected a film that provides them both. Get excited.

We can’t decide if Clancy Brown or Tim Curry chews more scenery when they go off the improvising rails. To be fair, Clancy Brown may take home the belt when it comes to nearly murdering fellow actors, but this makes sense if you caught his performance on Rick and Morty.

Christopher Lambert was also in this movie at some point, but the real star of the film was his utterly indecipherable accent; in fact, it might be even more nonsensical than the background of his “Egyptian” mentor.

Apparently, we can blame Argentina (goodbye to yet another country) and Highlander fans themselves for the poor quality of Highlander sequels. Ultimately, Jason applies the same sense of denial to the sequels that Darth uses for Spider-Man 3. Regardless, this franchise may stand alone as the only one to ever be improved by a subsequent television series.

None of this really matters in a film where logic slices through the plot like car battery sparks through a longsword. Honestly, in a movie where quasi-Scottish Bruce Wayne cannot achieve mortal omnipotence until all the immortals are dead, your suspension of disbelief is key.

We’d be remiss, however, if we didn’t mention the most timeless aspects of this beloved 80s film. Queen’s amazing music, Peter Diamond’s legendary stunt training, and Sean Connery’s mere 7-day presence help to solidify Highlander as an immortal and treasured classic.

Our last piece of advice is this. Ladies, don’t make your man light an annual candle. White Fang his ass and die like a low-maintenance bawse.

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GREAT SCOTT, MARTY! : Back to the Future

This week, we discuss the magnificent 1985 classic starring Jason’s old schoolmate, Christopher Lloyd. So, be prepared, listeners. If you’re not already somewhat familiar with this film, Jason will DEFINITELY be yelling at you to get off his damned lawn.

Let’s start with a question: Did you know that Eric Stoltz was the original Marty McFly? He’s Eric Stoltz Mask Marty! (for all of our Rick and Morty lovers our there).

In this episode, Jason and I (@Darth_Jader_) get in to some particularly serious content. We find that Marty’s “straight-laced” parents are total pervs deep down, which begs the question...is it okay to date your mom? NO, it is not. However, it is totally acceptable for your dad to spy on her with binoculars from a tree while she undresses.

On a wildly different note, we find that Mikhail Baryshnikov once told Lea Thompson (Marty’s mom) that she was too fat to be a ballerina. It sounds harsh, but thank goodness; we honestly cannot envision anyone else as the person that Marty McFly pretends to sexually assault ... and then Biff actually tries to sexually assault.

Despite the apparent message of this time traveling themed movie, Jason and I both realize that rape and violence are typically bad ideas. Don’t use those methods of problem solving, listeners, regardless of your feelings about the Temporal Prime Directive.

Speaking of which, can time traveling movies just make up their minds already? Are you supposed to change the timeline? Are you NOT supposed to change the timeline? I guess it depends on whichever eccentric scientist or Time Lord you befriended in high school. We’ll end with a personal plea from both of us: Universal, please build a float ride for Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. We’ll wear the vest AND sing the songs.

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