0108 - The Mummy (1999)
03/21/19 • 116 min
Don’t touch the pharaoh’s woman!
This week, we discover that Jason is an Imhotep fangirl, even though the ancient Egyptian turns out to be more chupacabra than mummy in his afterlife.
This film might be cheesy, but it is cherished, and is the pick of our super special guest, @kmisencik, who knows way more about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes than anyone should.
She also knows a fair bit about The Mummy. For instance, Brendan Fraser actually died for a brief moment while filming this movie; we’re lucky that he made it out of this project alive and not as a mummy.
As always, we learned a few things on our podcast:
- The Sop, Drop & Roll by Variant Brewing is the best beer to pair with a Brendan Fraser movie.
- Mummies and dinosaurs make great fuel.
- The Japanese Thriller cut of The Mummy is so much better than the theater version. You can buy it on Amazon.
Another important life lesson is that Scarabs are NOT cocaine-fueled flesh monsters. Regardless, listeners, if we die, don’t put us down for #DeathByScarab. And when someone else dies, don’t mummify them; raid their pockets for liquor!
It turns out, the writers of The Mummy selected from a buffet of plots from both history and the Bible. That being said, if you don’t want to raise a cursed mummy from the dead, DON’T READ OUT LOUD (and don’t bite any apples). Women have only been allowed to read for so long; let’s not ruin that.
On a separate note, did anyone ever notice that Beni is a soulless, multi-lingual HUSTLER? Because we sure did. In fact, we’re pretty sure that Beni and O’Connell might be the original frenemies. They’re essentially the OG Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Especially since Brendan Fraser’s new duffel bag line of weapons drops this summer.
But enough about women who contribute nothing to society. As much as Katie and Darth hate that one of their favorite movie heroines got Myth Busted, we’ll love Evie till the very end and beyond. After all, “Death...is only the beginning.”
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Don’t touch the pharaoh’s woman!
This week, we discover that Jason is an Imhotep fangirl, even though the ancient Egyptian turns out to be more chupacabra than mummy in his afterlife.
This film might be cheesy, but it is cherished, and is the pick of our super special guest, @kmisencik, who knows way more about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes than anyone should.
She also knows a fair bit about The Mummy. For instance, Brendan Fraser actually died for a brief moment while filming this movie; we’re lucky that he made it out of this project alive and not as a mummy.
As always, we learned a few things on our podcast:
- The Sop, Drop & Roll by Variant Brewing is the best beer to pair with a Brendan Fraser movie.
- Mummies and dinosaurs make great fuel.
- The Japanese Thriller cut of The Mummy is so much better than the theater version. You can buy it on Amazon.
Another important life lesson is that Scarabs are NOT cocaine-fueled flesh monsters. Regardless, listeners, if we die, don’t put us down for #DeathByScarab. And when someone else dies, don’t mummify them; raid their pockets for liquor!
It turns out, the writers of The Mummy selected from a buffet of plots from both history and the Bible. That being said, if you don’t want to raise a cursed mummy from the dead, DON’T READ OUT LOUD (and don’t bite any apples). Women have only been allowed to read for so long; let’s not ruin that.
On a separate note, did anyone ever notice that Beni is a soulless, multi-lingual HUSTLER? Because we sure did. In fact, we’re pretty sure that Beni and O’Connell might be the original frenemies. They’re essentially the OG Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. Especially since Brendan Fraser’s new duffel bag line of weapons drops this summer.
But enough about women who contribute nothing to society. As much as Katie and Darth hate that one of their favorite movie heroines got Myth Busted, we’ll love Evie till the very end and beyond. After all, “Death...is only the beginning.”
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Previous Episode
0107 - SpongeBob SquarePants
ARE YA READY, KIDS?!
Welcome to the episode where Jason phones it in until we find out what he specifically hates about SpongeBob, which is EVERYTHING! Seriously, listeners; Jason thinks that SpongeBob killed Laura Palmer. Can someone get Kyle MacLachlanon the phone?
Darth honestly does her best to keep Jason on topic in this episode, but his dementia only allows him to concentrate on any given topic for so long. Either way, please try to enjoy this episode involving our second lauded guest, Marie!
Listeners, this episode went so far off the rails in every given direction that it’s honestly difficult to summarize it in words. Suffice it to say that we cannot decide which Nickelodeon couple was more homoerotic: Rocko + Heffer or SpongeBob + Patrick. That being said, if you haven’t yet, now is the time to vote for the Kids’ Choice Awards. It’s like the Oscars, but with slime, so get on it.
This episode was so scattered, in fact, that we’ll simply gather some takeaways for you:
- We’re PRETTY sure that Dane Cook is still alive.
- If you want to know EXACTLY where to find Bikini Bottom, just ask Jason or Marie.
- Snails are the new cats.
- Be glad that you didn’t have to wake up to SpongeBob’s neurotic laugh every single morning during college.
We’ll leave you with this final bit of wisdom ... Have you ever seen Marky Mark and Mark Wahlberg in the same room? Of course you have, because they’re THE SAME PERSON.
Also, forget you, Lichtenstein.
Hindsight OUT.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Next Episode
0109 - Night Court
Welcome to dime-a-dozen crimes and extremely dirty humor!
Happy birthday! Jason turns 40 and tells us about a show from his childhood back in the early 1900s. Just kidding, we discuss the hilarious and wacky Night Court, which aired in 1984.
This show is so dirty that even the kids who appear in the episodes are scandalously licentious. We hosts are honestly surprised that Jason’s parents ever let him watch this show. Shame on you, Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell.
Despite this show’s filthy humor, it was a more innocent time; Bill Cosby wasn’t yet revealed to be The Puddin’ Pop Bandit.
To be honest, @Darth_Jader_ doesn’t recognize many actors from this show with the sole exception of John Larroquette(a.k.a the Quagmire of this show) who appeared on the Galentine’s Day episode of Parks and Recreation.
Night Court begs the question: Are there professional sperm-testers? If so, you can defile yourself into a Porsche. Lesson learned: Donate sperm.
On this episode, catch Darth’s rendition of “Elderly Prostitute”, originally performed by Eugene Mirman on Bob’s Burgers. Speaking of prostitutes, here’s some friendly dating advice. FELLAS: Learn how to speak VERY slowly to bag a lady who is wildly out of your league. LADIES: get ALL the pudding you can, by whatever means necessary.
Also, Darth messed up, because Matt Damon actually went to Harvard, not Yale. Darth’s official position on this matter is that she’s sorry that Matt feels like he deserves an apology for this mishap. MATT DAMON.
Fun facts: Did you know that Sumo Wrestlers can only speak Fast Food? Also, Judge Reinhold is NOT a real judge, but Night Court was created by a guy named Reinhold.
Our final thought: Now that Rudy Giuliani is no longer mayor, NYC is returning to its former disgusting splendor.
#NBCDontSueUs #AllRiiiight
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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