The Big Love

Explicit content warning

11/08/23 • 33 min

Healing Codependency is a six-part deeply personal podcast series that will offer you an intimate look at how and why I am the woman I am today. In this episode, I’ll share how letting go of relationships as fix-it projects allowed me to have the Big Love. I cannot think of a time where having faith in love wasn’t at the root of each of these episodes.

The basis of my relationships before my husband were viewed as projects for me to fix. I thought my value was offering a way for someone to better themselves and earning love by being useful. Meeting my now-husband wasn’t a “love at first sight” moment. I thought he was an incredible guy –– that wasn’t my type. I illustrate our time in a ceremony where I witnessed him praying, a visceral shared connection in a Sweat Lodge... and the realization that I needed to end my current relationship.

I share moments from our first date, including not feeling “good enough” for him, and how his emotional connection (to things I don’t agree with or understand), allowed me to open my heart up. I recognize a level of presence and truth that allows our relationship to expand, even as it shifts from day to day. My husband has supported my sobriety journey, the challenges I faced with my brother, and my decision to become a Codependency Counselor. He provides me with unwavering acceptance and a celebration of who I am. A true, Big Love.

I’ve learned that unconditional is my job to give to myself. We each have the capacity to know ourselves in order to clearly understand our own wants, needs, and experiences. In my codependency groups, I offer people some tools that may help them love themselves more and in turn receive more love in general.....which is the most glorious thing about being alive.

All in together. All for love . All feelings are welcome.

Thank you for listening and thank you to my podcast producer Media Midwife Ahri Golden for helping me bring my story to life.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, Player FM, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Topics Covered:

My initial reaction to my now-husband
The experience of witnessing my husband pray
My feelings around not being “good enough” for my husband
Our marriage practice to love each other and leave each other alone
Individual agency to practice non codependency in every relationship
Non codependency as a personal healing job

Get in touch:

Credit:

Sponsored by Supah Star Dark Chocolate Superfood Bars and Godseye Oils
Podcast Production by Media Midwife Ahri Golden
Podcast art by Megan Schiller

All in together. All for love . All feelings are welcome.

Thank you for listening and thank you to my podcast producer Media Midwife Ahri Golden for helping me bring my story to life.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, Player FM, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Topics Covered:

My initial reaction to my now-husband
The experience of witnessing my husband pray
My feelings around not being “good enough” for my husband
Our marriage practice to love each other and leave each other alone
Individual agency to practice non codependency in every relationship
Non codependency as a personal healing job

Get in touch:

Credit:

Sponsored by Supah Star Dark Chocolate Superfood Bars and Godseye Oils
Podcast Production by Media Midwife Ahri Golden
Podcast art by Megan Schiller

Previous Episode

Relationship Upgrade

Healing Codependency is a six-part deeply personal podcast series that will offer you an intimate look at how and why I am the woman I am today. In this episode, I’ll tell the pivotal story of my relationship with my brother, and how letting go of a codependent relationship liberated both of us. This is the reason why I'm doing this work, and why this podcast exists.

The origin of my codependency story began the day I saved my 2 year old brother from drowning in our childhood pool. From then on, I assigned myself my brother’s keeper. I detail how my codependent relationship was a high priority throughout my life, from intervention and rehab to being his accountability partner, all the way to relapsing in my home... around my husband and children.

I share how clarity from sobriety provided a level of reality I was willing to acknowledge and accept, including having to make an intensely painful decision before the holidays. There was intense grief involved, but ultimately I knew I did the most loving thing for him and me. When a death in the family brought us back together, I felt peace about the situation, whether there was accountability on his side or not.

I illustrate markers of being in a codependent relationship and share the two gifts I received from this experience. I now know that every person is capable and in charge of themselves and their own life. The codependency was simply the relationship I created between myself and my brother’s potential. Letting go of the cycle always outweighs the discomfort.

Thank you for listening and thank you to my podcast producer Media Midwife Ahri Golden for helping me bring my story to life.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, Player FM, or on your favorite podcast platform.

Topics Covered: