Grief vs. Grieving: Why the Difference Matters

04/23/25 • 15 min

We often use the words grief and grieving interchangeably—but did you know they’re not quite the same?

In this thoughtful solo episode of Grief and Light, host Nina Rodriguez invites listeners into a powerful reframe: grief is the natural response to loss, but grieving is how we live with and in relation to our grief. With tenderness and clarity, Nina explores how understanding the distinction between these two terms can transform our experience with loss—softening unrealistic expectations, reducing pressure to "move on," and opening up a path toward self-compassion and emotional expansion.

*** FREE DOWNLOAD: GRIEF TENDING TOOLKIT ***

Drawing from her personal experiences and professional grief support work, Nina illustrates how grief is a universal, often involuntary response—raw, physical, and immediate—while grieving is a dynamic and deeply personal relationship with what’s missing. She emphasizes that grieving is not something to get over but something we tend to, like a garden or a living relationship, over time.

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This episode is a balm for anyone who’s ever asked themselves, “Why am I still like this?” and offers a more empowering, spacious question instead: “What kind of care do I need today?”

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Key Takeaways:

Grief is the event—the natural response to loss and life-altering change.
Grieving is the process—our evolving relationship with that loss over time.
There is no timeline for grieving and no single "right" way to do it.
Cultural, familial, and societal influences shape how we perceive grief.
Grieving is a practice in patience and self-compassion, not perfection.
Honoring your own process means also allowing others to move at their pace.
The metaphor of the grief jar illustrates how our capacity expands—not that the grief shrinks.
Tending to grief honestly is what brings meaning, integration, and even unexpected joy.

Mentioned in this episode: Grief vs. Grieving post

Connect with Nina Rodriguez:

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Support the show

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Please message us at [email protected].

We often use the words grief and grieving interchangeably—but did you know they’re not quite the same?

*** FREE DOWNLOAD: GRIEF TENDING TOOLKIT ***

*** CLICK HERE TO WATCH ON YOUTUBE ***

This episode is a balm for anyone who’s ever asked themselves, “Why am I still like this?” and offers a more empowering, spacious question instead: “What kind of care do I need today?”

// ACCESS OUR ONLINE COMMUNITY \\

Key Takeaways:

Grief is the event—the natural response to loss and life-altering change.
Grieving is the process—our evolving relationship with that loss over time.
There is no timeline for grieving and no single "right" way to do it.
Cultural, familial, and societal influences shape how we perceive grief.
Grieving is a practice in patience and self-compassion, not perfection.
Honoring your own process means also allowing others to move at their pace.
The metaphor of the grief jar illustrates how our capacity expands—not that the grief shrinks.
Tending to grief honestly is what brings meaning, integration, and even unexpected joy.

Mentioned in this episode: Grief vs. Grieving post

Connect with Nina Rodriguez:

Disclaimer: griefandlight.com/safetyanddisclaimers

Support the show

Thank you for listening! Please share with someone who may need to hear this.
Interested in Sponsoring our Podcast?
Please message us at [email protected].

Previous Episode

Brothers, Grief, and Identity: Nico Slate on navigating sibling loss, love, and race dynamics

How does grief intersect with race and identity when growing up in a multi-ethnic family?

In this powerful episode, host Nina Rodriguez sits down with historian and author Nico Slate to explore the layered experience of sibling loss through the lens of race, identity, and love.

Nico shares the deeply personal story behind his memoir Brothers: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Race, which honors the life and legacy of his late brother, Peter. Raised in a multi-ethnic family, Nico reflects on Peter’s experiences as a Black man in America, the traumatic events that shaped their lives, and how writing became a path toward healing and understanding. Together, they discuss the evolving nature of grief, the power of storytelling, and how we continue our relationships with those who have passed.

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Click here to watch on YouTube

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This episode offers an intimate look at the grief of losing a sibling, the emotional complexities of family dynamics, and the profound impact of racial identity on mourning and memory. Whether you're navigating your own loss, reflecting on race and family, or seeking a heartfelt conversation about healing, this episode offers insight, vulnerability, and hope.

Key Takeaways:

Grief often feels abstract—until it becomes personal.
Sibling loss can profoundly shape one’s identity and worldview.
Writing a memoir can be a powerful tool for healing and reflection.
Love and grief transcend racial and cultural boundaries.
Navigating grief within a multi-racial family brings unique challenges and insights.
Processing loss through storytelling helps preserve memories and deepen understanding.
You can't separate the beauty and pain of life—they often coexist.
Grief evolves over time and may include struggles with identity and belonging.
Relationships with the deceased don’t end—they shift and continue.
Historical figures and family legacy can serve as anchors of hope in grief.
Self-compassion is essential on the grieving journey.
Complex or unresolved relationships may carry their own form of grief.
Being kind to yourself is not optional—it's a necessity.
Honoring grief publicly can invite connection and community.
Racial grief is real and deeply entwined with personal and societal loss.

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***

Connect with Nico Slate:

Connect with Nina Rodriguez:

Disclaimer: griefandlight.com/safetyanddisclaimers

Support the show

Thank you for listening! Please share with someone who may need to hear this.
Interested in Sponsoring our Podcast?
Please message us at [email protected].

Next Episode

Navigating Motherhood after Loss with Liz Quinn

In this deeply moving episode Nina is joined by Liz Quinn — grief advocate, and host of the Healing Hearts Podcast. Liz opens up about her personal journey through layered loss, including the death of her daughter Alivia, and both of her parents. With tenderness and clarity, she shares what it means to grieve as a mother, how guilt and love can coexist, and how the relationship with a child in spirit continues to evolve.

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The conversation also explores the experience of pregnancy after loss, the secondary grief felt by surviving children, and the often unseen labor of tending to grief while parenting. Liz also shares her journey through anticipatory and ambiguous grief as she lost her mother to Alzheimer’s and dementia, followed by the death of her father to esophageal cancer.

Nina and Liz offer insights into how one's healing journey can evolve into a purpose-driven mission, and emphasize the importance of storytelling and community in the grief process. This episode is a poignant reminder that grief is not something to fix — it’s something to honor, carry, and live with love.

Free Download: GRIEF TENDING TOOLKIT

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Takeaways:

You don't necessarily feel like a mother when you don't have a child physically.
The love for a child begins the moment you know they are yours.
Grief is a journey that shapes who you are.
Honoring lost children is a vital part of healing.
It's okay to not want to hold a baby after loss.
You either know or you just do it when it comes to having more children.
Building a relationship with a child in spirit takes time.
There is no right or wrong way to navigate grief.
Sometimes, mothers know best when it comes to healing traditions.
Support groups can be both helpful and challenging.
Siblings can experience grief for a sibling they never met.
The loss of a child reshapes family dynamics and identities.
Transforming grief into purpose can lead to personal growth.
Shared stories can initiate healing for both the storyteller and the listener.
Grief is a lifelong journey that evolves over time.
Life after loss can still be beautiful despite its challenges.

Connect with Liz Quinn:

Connect with Nina Rodriguez:

Disclaimer: griefandlight.com/safetyanddisclaimers

Support the show

Thank you for listening! Please share with someone who may need to hear this.
Interested in Sponsoring our Podcast?
Please message us at [email protected].

GRIEF AND LIGHT - Grief vs. Grieving: Why the Difference Matters

Transcript

Understanding that grief is the event and grieving is the process, we shift our perspective. We shift the point of view from which we're seeing our lives. And instead of saying, why is this happening? When is it going to go away? Instead of focusing our energy on those questions, we focus our energy on what kind of care do I need today? How can I show up for myself today? How can I support myself today? And we move forward with more ease and more compassion for ourselves and each other.
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