Running Beyond the Medal: 50K Without a Finish Line
Explicit content warning
02/09/25 • 25 min
Six months after quitting a virtual 50-miler, I set out to run a 50K training run—no race, no medal, no finish line celebration. Just me, the trail, and the question: Can I show up and push myself when no one’s watching? What started as a test of physical endurance became something more—a shift in how I viewed running, purpose, and accountability. This is the story of how a failed race, a not-so-quiet 31 mile run redefined what truly matters.
piano_05.wav by nerzalt_33 -- https://freesound.org/s/468872/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
Short Classical Guitar Improvisation by alomsound -- https://freesound.org/s/688462/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
Reverse acoustic guitar 0.flac by lewk -- https://freesound.org/s/114702/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
Acoustic guitar in B minor - A major by ValentinSosnitskiy -- https://freesound.org/s/218210/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
aimless 1C87 by Setuniman -- https://freesound.org/s/200431/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
acoustic picking guitar 100bpm key of C.mp3 by ajubamusic -- https://freesound.org/s/320800/ -- License: Attribution 3.0
Acoustic guitar harmonics by itinerantmonk108 -- https://freesound.org/s/763182/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
Acoustic Guitar G-D-C by alomsound -- https://freesound.org/s/765330/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/
Six months after quitting a virtual 50-miler, I set out to run a 50K training run—no race, no medal, no finish line celebration. Just me, the trail, and the question: Can I show up and push myself when no one’s watching? What started as a test of physical endurance became something more—a shift in how I viewed running, purpose, and accountability. This is the story of how a failed race, a not-so-quiet 31 mile run redefined what truly matters.
piano_05.wav by nerzalt_33 -- https://freesound.org/s/468872/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
Short Classical Guitar Improvisation by alomsound -- https://freesound.org/s/688462/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
Reverse acoustic guitar 0.flac by lewk -- https://freesound.org/s/114702/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
Acoustic guitar in B minor - A major by ValentinSosnitskiy -- https://freesound.org/s/218210/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
aimless 1C87 by Setuniman -- https://freesound.org/s/200431/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
acoustic picking guitar 100bpm key of C.mp3 by ajubamusic -- https://freesound.org/s/320800/ -- License: Attribution 3.0
Acoustic guitar harmonics by itinerantmonk108 -- https://freesound.org/s/763182/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
Acoustic Guitar G-D-C by alomsound -- https://freesound.org/s/765330/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/
Previous Episode
The Mountain Will Have It's Way
In ‘The Mountain Will Have Its Way’, I share the raw, unfiltered story of how Leadville and I found each other—a journey that began with a race but grew into so much more. This episode isn’t just about chasing a buckle; it’s about conquering a different kind of mountain: addiction, identity, and the struggle to find a way forward when the trail feels impossible. Adapted from my journals, this is a story of resilience, failure, and relentless progress, both on and off the trail.
Addiction, mental health, and crisis support
- SAMHSA’s National Helpline (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)
1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Free, confidential treatment referral and information service available 24/7 in English and Spanish. - Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
Find a meeting near you: https://www.aa.org/ - SMART Recovery
Provides support groups and resources for those overcoming addiction: https://www.smartrecovery.org/
Mental Health and Depression Support
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (now 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
Dial 988 for 24/7, free, and confidential support for individuals in distress. - NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
Website: https://www.nami.org/
Eating Disorder Support
- National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
Helpline: 1-800-931-2237
Online chat support: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ - Overeaters Anonymous
Find support for food-related behaviors and patterns: https://oa.org/
General Crisis Support
- Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor in the U.S. - Veterans Crisis Line
Dial 988 and press 1, or text 838255 for specialized support for veterans.
Music used in this episode
acoustic guitar melody #008 by GuitarStringTheory -- https://freesound.org/s/734793/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
Acoustic guitar in B minor - A major by ValentinSosnitskiy -- https://freesound.org/s/218210/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
piano_05.wav by nerzalt_33 -- https://freesound.org/s/468872/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
Emotional Motivational Cinematic (short) by AudioCoffee -- https://freesound.org/s/728747/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
Celestial Hues by Universfield -- https://freesound.org/s/719267/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
Elevated Mood with Acoustic Guitar by ViraMiller -- https://freesound.org/s/746694/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
ambient piano loop | song.wav by betabeats. -- https://freesound.org/s/684318/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
Loring and Erdrick - Epic by audiomirage -- https://freesound.org/s/667471/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
Thoughtful Piano | tictac9 by tictac9 -- https://freesound.org/s/516884/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 3.0
Disturbing Call by Universfield -- https://freesound.org/s/700299/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
acoustic guitar melody #008 by GuitarStringTheory -- https://freesound.org/s/734793/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/
Next Episode
Endurance: A Blessing and a Curse
We’re taught that endurance is everything—push harder, suffer through, never quit. But what if endurance isn’t always the answer? What if knowing when to stop is the real strength?
In this episode, I reflect on a race I never expected to DNF, the ghost of my past self on the trail, and the fine line between resilience and self-destruction. Whether on the course, in careers, or in relationships, when does perseverance serve us—and when does it trap us?
What race are you still running, not because you love it, but because you don’t know how to stop?
Progression of my Bandera 100k Finishing times
- 2020: 18:59. My first 100k. I wanted a Western States lottery ticket.
- 2021: 15:40. Redemption for the 2020 19:00hr finish.
- 2022: 15:30. Proof—because I had improved, and I needed to prove I could do it again, faster.
- 2023: 15:22. Strength—because I was finally strong enough to push even harder.
- 2024: 16:44. Doing it, because.
- 2025: DNF. stuck—afraid to stop
Music in this episode
Mysterious Music Box Atmosphere by Universfield -- https://freesound.org/s/773658/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
Emotional Dramatic Theme by tyops -- https://freesound.org/s/436060/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
Monday Lookin Back Again by audiomirage -- https://freesound.org/s/577518/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
epic intro 0U_32m by Setuniman -- https://freesound.org/s/165765/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
viramiller__soft-piano-and-acoustic-guitar (freesound.org)
erh__swell-pad (freesound.org)
Ghost Music Box BGM (Rev. 1) by ChristmasKrumble666 -- https://freesound.org/s/753583/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
DSGNDron_Eerie Exasperating Horrible Drone 15_EM by newlocknew -- https://freesound.org/s/733217/ -- License: Attribution NonCommercial 4.0
logicmoon__only-the-winds-guitar (freesound.org)
Melancholic Atmosphere with Piano and Strings by Nancy_Sinclair -- https://freesound.org/s/750738/ -- License: Creative Commons 0Heartbeats 61.wav by patobottos -- https://freesound.org/s/369017/ -- License: Creative Commons 0
Dramatic Acoustic Guitar Music for Cinematic Scenes by LolaMoore -- https://freesound.org/s/755888/ -- License: Attribution 4.0
tomhannen__howling-wind-through-window-in-tower (freesound.org)
almightypsyche__melancholy-melody-11-9-21.1 (freesound.org)
Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/exploits_of_a_nobody/
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